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出场角色编辑

剧本

中国劲乐团
The Marsh house, day. Stan plays an acoustic guitar in his room and hums softly, writing down lyrics from time to time
Randy
[pops in for a moment] Stan! Family meeting! Get downstairs! [leaves]
Stan
I'm writing a song, Dad.
Randy
[returns] Nobody cares about that! Come on! I've got big news! [runs down the hallway and downstairs, laughing, and enters the dining room. Shelley is at the table reading her phone, Sharon is at the sink] Sharon! Shelley! Hurry! I've got it! [runs out to the living room. The others follow him there. Stan has his guitar and sits on the sofa]
Sharon
What is it, Randy?
Randy
You guys, I've just had the greatest idea ever!
Stan
We're gonna move back to our old house?
Randy
No! I've been trying to figure out how to make more money selling weed. And last night, it came to me. We could grow the family business by selling Tegridy... to the Chinese. [an epiphany plays] I did a little research. Turns out there's a lot of people in China. If we can get like 2% of that market to buy our weed, we'd make millions and millions of dollars! I'm flying to China tomorrow. I've got to get in on this before anyone else thinks of it. [walks towards the kitchen]
Sharon
Tomorrow? Ugh! [cuts him off and pulls him aside] Randy, are you forgetting about this Saturday?
Randy
What's this Saturday?
Sharon
Autumnfest? Stan's concert? He and his little friends have been rehearsing all week. A lot of people in town are coming out to support him. Everyone but you?
Randy
Everyone? [turns to Stan and whips out a Tegridy Farms shirt] Stan, you need to wear your Tegridy T-shirt at the performance.
Stan
Aw, come on, Dad!
Randy
Stan, they're available on Amazon starting Friday, so you could really help promote the family business while I'm gone! [walks up to Stan] But, then again, I guess family doesn't mean all that much to you. [tosses the short onto Stan and walks away]
Autumnfest, day. A crowd mills around the festival as more people arrive. Horseshoe land around a pole and Mr. Tweek is shown rejoicing as Mrs. Tweet and Tweek look on. The Blacks walk away from a food stand. Steve carries a burger while Token holds a cotton candy cone. A couple sings onstage. She plays the banjo while he plays the fiddle
Kate & Earl
Tumbleweeds and squirrels, my darlin'. Tumbleweeds and squirrels. [the crowd claps for them]
Kae
Yeah.
Mayor McDaniels
Okay, that was the South Park Soundaroos! Thanks again to Kate and Earl! Alright, up next we have four of our local South Park fourth graders who have formed a band. Let's hear it for Stan Marsh and Crimson Dawn. [appluse swells]
Sharon
Hi, Stanley! [Shelley stands next to her, and Grandpa sits behind them. And behind them, all is the McCormick family. Crimson Tide gets onstage, with Stan on vocals, Butters and Kenny on guitars, and Jimmy on drums.]
Stephen
Hoh, there's our Butters.
Linda
[swooning] Oh, Butters! Oh, aren't they cute?
Stan
[nervously] Um, hi. We're Crimson Dawn, and um, this is a song I wrote about living out in the country, on a farm.
Jimmy
Alright, f-f-f-fellas, just like we rehearsed it. And-a 1, and-a 2, and -a [death metal music plays.]
Stan

'[growls] Fate is over! Open your eyes!

Butters

Get me off this farm!

Stan

There is no hope, no second chance! All the elders saw the fall of the sky! Pride and glory! To touch the sky, we've burned the earth! Built our own infirmity!

A jet airplane, day. Passengers enter the cabin. Randy soon appears and takes a seat next to a passenger who's reading his phone, sets down his satchel, and buckles up
Randy
First time goin' to China?
Passenger 1
Uhn, no, not really.
Randy
[cheerfully] It's my first time. I'm goin' out to try and drum up a little "business." What are you headin' out for?
Passenger 1
Uhd, I work for a clothing company. We're trying to break into the market and get the Chinese people as customers.
Randy
Ohhh, huhuh, heeeyy. Fuck you.
Passenger 1
Huh?
Randy
I, I had that idea like three days ago.
Passenger 1
So what?
Randy
So when did you come up with it? [two other passengers appear two rows behind them.]
Passenger 2
Hehey, Mitchell, you're on this flight?
Mitchell
Yeah, that's so funny! I'm working for Google now, overseeing the expansions into the Chinese user base.
Passenger 2
Hehyeah, I'm still with the NBA doing some press with the players to try tuh... get more Chinese viewers.
Randy
[looks around and sees three NBA players come in and put their carry-on luggage in overhead bins] Oh, for Christ's sake! You have a good idea and everyone wants to copy you! Fine! I can handle some healthy competition! Who else wants to go to China and get some of their money?! [a bunch of Disney characters stream in from the front of the cabin] Oh, for cryin' out loud! [Thor sits next to Randy] Let me guess. You work for a company trying to get Chinese people as customers. "Wow, where'd you get that idea?" [a Stormtrooper (First Order) sits to Thor's right, Snow White to the Pasenger 1's left.] It's okay, it's okay. I'm sure there's plenty of Chinese people for all of us.
Tegridy Farms, day. Stan's band is practicing in the barn
Stan (Butters)
[growling]

Searching, wandering
Looking for thte perfect specimen.
Still pure. (Hate this farm!) Immature. (I hate this farm!)
Acknowledged sickness
concealed, swaggering!
Unseen (Hate this farm!) Wandering (I hate this farm!)
Looking for thte perfect specimen.

[a man appears in the barn doorway and snaps his fingers to the song. Stan notices and stops the music] Okay, okay. Wait uh, hang on, guys. [Stan, Butters and Jimmy look back at the man, Kenny looks at Stan.]

Producer
[claps at them] Very good, boys! [stops clapping] I hear you guys play at Autumnfest. I really like your sound.
Butters
Who are you?
Producer
Well I'm a producer. I manage all the big rock bands in South Park. PC Babies... All of them!.
Jimmy
You manage the PC Babies? Holy smokes, fellas! They're huge
Stan
You wanna sign us so we can make a record and I can move away from here?
Producer
Records? What, are you kids from the '90s. There's no money in albums or singles or even tours anymore. What we need to focus on... is your biopic.
Butters
Biopic? You want to make the Crimson Dawn Biopc?
Producer
PC Babies biopic came out last week. Made over $100 million
Butters
Wow wee!
Kenny
(What do ya think, Stan?)
Producer
Well I'll just let you guys think on it, but don't take too long, huh?
International Airport in China, day. Chinese music plays as Randy walks through the airport and other passengers pick up their luggage. He walks up to customs. Two inspectors check the luggage of two passengers; the female inspector sends them on their way
Randy
[puts his suitcase on the scanner] Hello. Howdy. [hands his passport to the male inspector as the female inspector checks out the suitcase.] I'm a small business owner from the United States. You guys know any money people here? [the female inspector unzips the suitcase] Can I give you guys my card? I'm just starting to grow my business here in China. [the female inspector opens the suitcase to reveal the marijuana. The inspectors are shocked. The male inspector asks the female one something]
Female Inspector
What is this, sir?
Randy
Oh that? That's weed. Marijuana. You now. [simulates a smoke and then the smoke drifting away, then smiles. The female calls security over as Randy checks his Chinese translation app.] Ah, here. Here we go. Jay shi daamaa Tegridy Weed. [an officer just comes up and handcuffs him.] Whoa! Oh hey! Everything alright? What's gonig on? [the officer takes him away] Uh hey, don-don't forget my suitcase! C-could you grab my suitcase? All my weed is in there! Excuse me! Jay shi daamaa!
Spinny Mountain Records, day. The record producer lays out his plan for the boys. He stands next to a whiteboard with three act listed on it. The acts haven't been filled in yet.
Producer
What makes a band truly great? It's the desire to be heard, and a commitment to a three-act structure that has a 20 minute setup, about an hour and a half of conflict, and a big, triumphant resolution. SO, let's start at the beginning, gang. When did your band first form?
Stan
Uuummm, it was about two weeks ago.
Butters
Yeah. As a matter of fact, two and a half, three weeks ago, I'd say.
Stan
I hah, I hah, I hadn't seen my friend Kyle, and I hate living on a farm, so I started writng songs.
Producer
That's good, that's good. [writes under Act I] "Lost a close friend. Put loneliness into lyrics."
Butters
Yeah, and then Stan came to me and then I said "Well I can play the drums."
Jimmy
But he already asked me to play the drums
Butters
Well, so yeah, I, okay, I'll play guitar.
Producer
[writes under Act 2] "Inner conflict over direction of band." Good.
Stan
Oh. And then Kenny learned to play bass watching YouTube videos of John Lennon with the Dalai Lama.
Producer
Oh no oh OH oh yeah, no no, we don't wanna go there. Talking about the Dalai Lama doesn't go over well with the Chinese.
Jimmy
The the the what?
Producer
Look, for this movie to really make money, we need to make sureit clears the Chinese censors, you know. We want those Chinese viewers..
Stan
[somewhat upset] Aw, seriously?
Producer
Oh it's okay, there's plenty of other things to talk about with your story. How about, uh, what kind of things were you into when you were younger?
Butters
Well, I always liked Winnie the Pooh.
Producer
Okay-oh no. Nonono, that's definitely off-limits. Winnie the Pooh is illegal in China because some Chinese students said that he looked like the Chinese president,
Stan
Oh, come on. That's ridiculous!
Producer
Hey, you wanna move away from your family, right? You wanna be successful on your own, right?
Stan
[a bit defeated] Yeah.
Producer
All right. Well, you know what they say you gotta lower your ideals of freedom if you wanna suck on the warm teat of China.
A Chinese prison, rainy day. A group of prisoners are sent across a yard, Randy struggles to keep up. A soldier strikes a prisoner on the left cheek with the butt of a rifle. Next scene is the prisoners assembling toy robots in a dimly lit room. Next scene is the rainy yard agin. Randy stands in the middle of it alone as soldiers stand faw away from him. One of the soldiers approaches and gives him a card to read, then shocks him to get him to speak.
Randy
Aaaugh. I am a proud member of the Communist Party, The Party is more important than the individual. [next scene has the prisoners assembling dolls in a brightly lit room. Someone is moaning outside, and he goes to the window to see who it is. A prisoner is on his knees begging for his life. A soldier walks up and just shoots him, and he falls over. Randy is unnerved by this. Randy is then taken to a cell full of prisoners and thrown in. Nearby, a prisoner poops into a hole in the ground. Randy is alarmed]a
A familiar voice
Oh, hello there.
Randy
[a bit spooked] Who, who's there?
Winnie the Pooh
Nobody. Just a bear. [steps into the light. Piglet shows up next to him] I was wondering, since you're new, if you might have... some honey?
Randy
No, I don't have any honey. Are you prisoners here?
Piglet
Some people said Pooh looked like the Chinese p-p-p-president, ,so we're illegal in China now.
Randy
Jesus. What kind of madhouse is this?
Tribunal, day. Two guards flank a prisoner as he pleads his case. The judge responds and the prisoner gets down on his knees. The guards soon carry him off. The judge asks for the next case, and Randy is brought up
Randy
Your Honors, I'm just a simple farmer, from a simpler time. Now, I've never been to China before, but I hate to say I'm a little disappointed in all of you. From what I've seen, you, you seen to treat your people like dirt. You don't believe in any individual freedoms. I mean, you got Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in jail! Now, come on, China! You know, a country ain't nothin' unless it's got decency and in-tegrity! And I think I speak for Pooh and Piglet and all of Disney when I say you could use some 'tegrity, China! [brightens up] Now, it just so happens that I own a Tegridy farm. And I think I might be able to work out a deal for all you nice folk.
South Park Elementary, day. Stan, Jimmy, Kenny, and Butters walk down the hallway.
Stan
This is so awesome, you guys. Our band is gonna be huge.
Butters
Yeah. And, we're gonna be rich.
Kenny
(They're the same thing.)
Jimmy
[annoyed] Yeah. Isn't this just great.
Stan
Hey. What's wrong, Jimmy?
Jimmy
Fella, I need to tell you something. I thnk I'm homosexual. And also, I'm addicted to cocaine.
Butters
Oh, that's okay, Jimmy.
Stan
Yeah, we can get you a liver transplant.
Producer
Cut! Cut! Listen guys, we uh just got word back from the Chines censors. They don't want us mentioning organ transplants.
Stan
How come?
Producer
Well, they've been accused of harvesting from the-look look, it doesn't matter. They, they just said "no" to the organ stuff. Oh, and uhh, no homosexuality either.
Stan
No homosexuality?! We're trying to do a band biopic!
Butters
Yeah! And what's wrong with homosexuality anyways?!
Producer
Nothing. Unless you wanna make money in china. Now come on! Everyone back to one!
A convention, somewhere. Disney characters from Pirates of the Caribbean, Beauty and the Beast, the Avengers, Frozen, Snow White, Winnie the Pooh, Aladdin, and others stand around chatting with each other.
Mickey Mouse
[opens the door and enters the hall] All right?! Who's the asshole?! Which one of you decided to go and start badmouthing the Chinese government?! Huhuh. Who here thought they had permission to say anything critical of Chinese politics?!
Thor
Well it is true, sir. The Chinese seem to exploit their own people in forced labor cam-
Mickey
SHUT THE FUCK UP, THOR! You're here to flex and not speak, you fucking bitch!
Pooh
Please. Mr. Marsh was only standing up for me and Piglet, because we were political prisoners.
Mickey
YOU are a fat diabetic bear, and if the Chinese don't want you, then I don't either! Now who the fuck is Mr. Marsh?!
Randy
Uhhh that's me. Randy Marsh
Mickey
Who is this?! I don't know you?! Are you from Pixar?!
Randy
No, I'm from South park
Mickey
What's south Park! Do I own that?!
A character
No, not yet sir.
Mickey
You're telling me that I'm losing Chinese customers because of some shithead that's not even from MY company?!
Randy
Hey hold on a minute! Do you really think this businnes should be run through intimidation and fear?! Whatever happened to old-time values?! You already have business with the Chinese. You have all the connections money can buy! But there's one thing you don't have. That's Tegridy. Now, it just so happens-
Mr. Mackey's office, day.
Mr. Mackey
Boys, I understand you have a band at the school?
Stan
Yeah. what's wrong with that?
Mr. Mackey
Well boys, ih ih seems to me like your music is kind of... angry. M'kay? I mean,it's really loud, n'kay, and it's a little angry.
Stan
Yeah, because I hate living on a farm 30 miles out uof town!
Jimmy
Yeah, tell hin, Stan!
Stan
I can't stand my dad naymore, and if I want to do death metal, I can! It's a free country!
Producer
Cut! Cut! cut cut. [flanked by two Chinese officials] Ah kids, let's not say anything about this being a free country.
Stan
Aw, come on!
Producer
Hey! These guys were nice enough to come all the way from China to help us with our standards. We can at least listen to their notes. [One of the two men whispers into his ear.] Oh. Oka-okay. Okay. [to the boys] Actually gang, we need to rewrite the wole second act.
Stan
But that will take forever!
Producer
Come on, guys! Everyone else is fine with China approving our entertainment. Even the PC Babies don't seem to mind, and PC Babies cry about everything. [approaches Stan] They just gotta rewrite the script before we continue shooting. Go back to your room and just write your story. It has to come from your heart.
The Chinese tribunal, day. Mickey is making his case. He now tries to sell the Chinese on Randy's business proposal, and just like in South Park, the proposal was rejected. Mickey and Randy sit on a bench smoking weed. Mickey is pissed off
Mickey
It's like, it's like they didn't even wanna listen.
Randy
They didn't listen at all? But I... wuh-wuwhy not?
Mickey
It's the bear. They're still pissed off about the bear.
Randy
But for what?
Mickey
'Cause some Chinese people on the Internet starting posting pictures of their President as Winnie the Pooh. It's a real thing. Look it up. [on Tegridy] Man, this is really good shit.
Randy
What if we took their side, then? What if we showed China that ew understand how they feel to be made fun of on the Internet?
Tegridy Farms, night. Stan is in his room working on the second act. He hears the producer's words in his mind: "Remember: write your story. The script has to come from your heart." He begins to write, then picks up speed and smiles. He's found his groove. A Chinese censor walks up behind him and looks over his work. The censor walks some more, then turns and scribbles over the script. Stan looks up, surprised, but starts over. The censor paces behind him and stops again to scribble the script out. Stan sighs. Annoyed, Stan shields his paper and starts writing again. When he's finished, he hands the script to the censor, who finds it funny, but he reaches a part he doesn't find funny and rips the script apart. Stan sighs again and tosses the pencil aside, pulls out his laptop, and start writing the script there. The Censor looks on, then intervenes and rewrites the script. They go back and forth working on the script. After yet another edit, Stan rests his head on his left hand.
Stan
Now I know how all the writers in Hollywood feel. [the censor laughs, then complains.]
Beihing, day. In a Chinese bazaar, Pooh and Piglet wander freely.
Piglet
My Goodness. China sure is a big p-p-p-p-place.
Pooh
Yes, Piglet. It is. Too big, I think, to find what I need. [turns left into a shop] Excuse me.
Merchant
Huh?
Pooh
Would you happen to have... some honey? [the merchant tells him to leave. He moves on] Oh bother. This just doesn't seem to be the place... for a bear.
Piglet
[looks right] Wait. Pooh. Loo-l-l-look, look. [Winnie looks. In the middle of an alley is a table with a jar of honey on it.]
Pooh
Ooo, piglet! What wonderful luck! [rushes to the table and starts gobbling up the honey.] What delicious honey! Mmm. I would like to share, Piglet. Perhaps... I will share. In just a few more slurps, I can. [Randy pounces up behind him and chokes him with a cable. It takes a while, but Randy gets it done. Pooh is dead.]
South Park, day. The boys sit on the sidewalk curb
Stan
I can't do it anymore, you guys. I can't even think with the Chinese government censoring everything I write.
Butters
So there's not gonna be a biopic movie for us?
Stan
It's so wrong. You know, I mean, we live in a time when the only movies us American kids go see are ones that are approved by China.
Jimmy
Yeah. It' like China is the new MPAA.
Butters
Stinks to say goodbye to all that biopic money and glory.
Stan
We just gotta face it. A death metal band is never gonna make real money anymore. The only band that would get approved by China would be all vanilla and cheesy. [gets emotional] I'm gonna have to live on that fucking farm forever. [lowers his head and sobs quietly. Butters comforts him. The ICE bus pulls up and drops off Kyle and Cartman.]
Stan
[looks up] Kyle! Dude, you're back! [rushed up to meet him. The other boys follow.]
Cartman
Yeah, the migrant detention camp was kewl, but it kinda rubs Kyle the wrong way. [puts up his right hand and points to it with his left]
Kyle
Anything happen while we were gone?
Stan
Not really. We just almost had a biopic made for our band, but ...wait a minute... [his eyes dart around as he thinks] Wait, vanilla and cheesy! I've got it. I've got it!
Broncs, Live Aid, 1984, at Invesco Field. This is a fabrication, as the boys weren't alive back then, or they'd be men now. Jimmy walks up to the drums and starts drumming. Butters walks in playing electric guitar wand wails away. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny walk in dressed in their Fingerbang outfits
Fingerbang

Fingerbang-bang!
Bang bang.
Fingerbang-bang!
Bangbangbang.
I'm gonna fingerbang-bang you into my life
Girl, you like to fingerbang, and it's alright.
'Cause I'm the king of fingerbang; let's not fight
I'm goin' tuh fingerbang-bang-

Stan
Cut. Cut, cut! [the special effects disappear and the green screen in the gym is shown] This is all wrong.
Producer
No, it's good, kids! They're loving it!
Stan
Yeah, but I can't sell my soul like this. I want to get away from that farm, more than anything, but it's not worth living in a world where China controls my country's art. [one of the censor's protests] I don't care how many people you have! I've got something in me that just won't let me be a part of all this.
Butters
Yeah! Whatever it is, I got it too!
The others
Yeah!
Stan
I wanna be proud of who we are, guys! And anybody who would betray their ideals just to make money in China isn't worth a lick of spit!
a Chinese video, similar to the gentrification commercials of Season 19
Narrator
Us Chinese people have always liked things the old fashioned way. We like things a little simpler, a little quieter. And now, there's a new weed that goes along with China's ... Because after a day of forced labor, or getting beaten for criticizing the government, we all can use... It's the soul of the American West, right here in modern China. All hail the Communist Party, and all hail Tegrity weed.
Tegridy Farms, day. A tractor backs up with a load of cash and dumps it onto the entrance. then drives off. Inside, the Marshes are eating dinner. Randy is back home, but covered in Pooh blood.
Randy
Well, gang, looks like the family business is starting to really turn the corner. I don't know about you, but I, for one, think the world is gonna be a better, and safer, place, now that China finally has Tegridy.
Stan
[notices his dad's appearance] Dad, why are you covered in honey and blood? [Randy just looks over his appearance] Dad? Did you kill Winnie the Pooh?
Randy
Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh- Oh, yeah, I did kill Winnie the Pooh. [Stan just gets up and leaves.] Where ae ya goin', Stan?
Stan
I'm going to go write another song about you.
Randy
Ooo, about me? Make sure it talks about me bringing Tegridy to China!
End of Band In China.
中国劲乐团 结束
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