「卡特曼的肛門探針」這一集是第一季的第一集，也是全系列的第1集，於1997年8月13日播出。
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劇透警告！！！
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簡介
南方公園的牛出現了一些神秘的現象。外星人造訪地球抓走了凱爾的弟弟艾克，然後給卡特曼的屁屁里裝上了一個探測器。另外，斯坦和溫蒂的感情也開始萌生。
劇情
At the beginning of the episode, Cartman details his dream of him being abducted by aliens and receiving an anal probe. The others try to convince him it was real, but Cartman assumes they are just trying to scare him. Chef then pulls up and asks the boysif they saw a visitor spaceship, inadvertently confirming the reality behind Cartman's "dream". Chef is also wearing a T-shirt with a picture of an alien "visitor" on the back with the word "Believe", scaring Cartman even more. As Chef leaves, the school bus arrives, introducing Ms. Crabtree, a scary-looking, loudmouthed, middle-aged school bus driver who constantly tells the children to "Sit down and shut up!" As the bus is driving away, Kyle looks back and sees his brother Ike, being held by two visitors.
Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady investigates another cow mutilation on Farmer Carl Denkins' farm. Several other visitors try to lure away cows by whistling and offering straw. The cows are not falling into the trap as several aliens have turned them inside out. Barbrady explains that a cow turning inside out is nothing unusual, clearly revealing that he is an incompetent law officer. Also, when helicopters fly by, and the farmer asks what they were, Barbrady says they were pigeons.
The boys are now at school. Worried about his brother and how his parents will react, Kyle asks Mr. Garrison if he can be excused from school to find his brother. Mr. Garrison tells Kyle he has to ask his hand puppet, Mr. Hat, this is when Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat's shared catchphrase of, "You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!" is introduced. Cartman laughs at Kyle and ends up farting fire at one of the children, Pip Pirrip.
After class, the four are standing in line for lunch. Cartman is still farting fire. Wendy Testaburger, who, as Cartman explains, "Stan wants to kiss," walks up to Stan, and Stan vomits on her several times out of nervousness. She gives Stan a note asking him to meet her at Stark's Pond after school. When the boys reach the front of the line, Kyle asks Chef what to do when someone does not believe you. Chef breaks out into a sultry, erotic, but an off-topic song about him "making love to a woman by the fire".
After being told visitors abducted Kyle's brother, Chef freaks out and says, "What the hell do you think you are doing in school eating Salisbury steak? Go find him, dammit!" A cyclops-like robot then pops up from behind Cartman and quickly retreats from whence it came, this ends up being the anal probe from Cartman's "dream". To help the children find Kyle's brother, Chef pulls the fire alarm.
When the children get out of school, Cartman still doesn't believe that he has gotten an anal probe from the visitors. While insisting that he not be under mind control, a beam from above hits him out of nowhere as he suddenly sings "I Love to Singa". The children use this as proof that visitors are controlling Cartman. Cartman, in all ignorance, still disagrees with their idea.
Just then, a spaceship appears. Kyle demands that they return Ike. In response, the aliens blast Kennywith a star-shaped object. Which causes Kenny to fly into the street, and he appears to be dead. Stan and Kyle respond by saying, "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" "You bastards!" for the first time. Kenny, however, isn't dead yet. He stands up, only to have the herd of cattle that ran away from Jenkins' farm trample him. Kenny is still alive after this. Officer Barbrady finally kills him, in pursuit of the cattle, by running him over in his police car. Despite this, Cartman still denies that the visitors are real and that Kenny is dead. He decides to go home.
Stan and Kyle go to Stark's Pond to meet Wendy, although Kyle wants to keep looking for Ike. Wendy shows up, and Stan vomits when she speaks to him. Kyle tells Wendy what happened to his brother, and she suggests that they use Cartman as bait to draw the aliens back.
To lure the visitors back, Stan, Kyle, and Wendy tie Cartman up to a tree. After Cartman farts flames several times, an 80-feet wide satellite dish protrudes from his rectum. After the visitor spaceships show up, Ike is revealed when a door on the ship opens. Kyle gets Ike to jump from the ship by telling him to do his impersonation of David Caruso's career. Before boarding their spaceship, the visitors talk to the cows. The visitors tell the cows that they are the most intelligent life form that they found on Planet Earth. The cows want to know why they turned some of their cow friends inside, tells him to do his impersonation of David Caruso's career. Before boarding their spaceship, the visitors talk to the cows. The visitors tell the cows that they are the most intelligent life form that they found on Planet Earth. The cows want to know why they turned some of their cow friends inside out; the visitors explain that it was "Carl's fault, he's new" and give them a device that makes people sing. Before leaving, the visitors abduct Cartman again.
Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady find the cows and demands them to come back, but the cows use the device the visitors made on him and make him sing I Love To Singa.
The next morning, Cartman falls from the sky and lands at the bus stop. One of his eyes is red. He immediately describes to Stan and Kyle a "dream" he had about getting pinkeye from Scott Baio aboard the alien spacecraft.
冷知識
- 本集是南方公園系列的首部完整劇集。許多角色在本集中首次出現，包括但不限於：
- 在片頭曲中，第二部短片中耶穌和聖誕老人打鬥的場景出現在了路邊的廣告牌上。
- 本集排在十大改變世界的南方公園劇集中的第九名。
- 本集是用硬彩紙和定格動畫製作的，但卻也是唯一一集使用這種方法製作的劇集，從「要你肥4000」開始的每一集（包括為本集特意製作而原版試播集沒有的額外場景）都是使用電腦製作的（除了「象豬交配」的一小段鏡頭外）。
- 在食堂的橫搖鏡頭中可以聽到和凱爾的表弟凱爾·施瓦茲相同的聲音，談論着他的腹脹，是一個有着絲般黑髮的猶太孩子，和凱爾·施瓦茲並不像，他要在四季之後才會出場。
- 卡特曼首次說出他的口頭禪「去你們的，我要回家了。」
- 兩名哈西迪男孩出現在食堂里，其中一個長得很像傑森，他要在第六季才會有正式出場。
- 貝蓓·斯蒂文斯和瑞德出現在校巴里，她們的穿着和她們在以後劇集中的穿着不一樣。
- 斯坦是第一個放屁的角色，他在校巴里放屁，凱爾回應道：「你放屁了！」，而卡特曼則回應道：「有人在烤布朗尼蛋糕！」
- 巴布雷迪警官的警車上寫着「恭維與煩擾」。
- 帽子先生在本集中沒有眼睛。
- 在首次播映時，本集原本被分級為TV-14。
- 在本集最新的高清重製版本中，所有的鏡頭都還是硬彩紙製作的，寬高比也還是保持在4:3而不是16:9。
- 卡特曼的家中有一張馬特·斯通的姐妹的照片。
- 食堂里的牛奶上寫着「帕克的牛奶」，指的是本片的聯合製作人特雷·帕克。
- 本集是南方公園工作室唯一永久免費的一集。
- 本集以及本系列的第一句侮辱詞是「他媽的」。
- 「爐邊談話」開頭的音樂在卡特曼走進屋子時也有播放。
- 加里森老師說，克里斯托弗·哥倫布發現了美洲大陸，還和印第安人成為了「好朋友」，他幫他們打贏了和弗雷德里克·道格拉斯的戰爭，還從拿破崙手下解放了希伯來人並發現了法國，這一切都發生在1492年之前。
- 黑板上出現了以下幾個句子：「喬尼扔了紅色的球」、「我吃了太多的古斯米」、「別拿我爺爺來說笑」以及「我不敢肯定，但我覺得凱茜·李·吉福德比她本人自稱的要老得多了」。
與未播映試播集的區別
- 在原版試播集中，大廚給孩子們幾個超辣的墨西哥粽來幫他們溜出去。斯坦、凱爾和肯尼把他們的墨西哥粽給了被五年級生欺負的卡特曼。他吃下了全部四個粽子，這讓他可以放屁放出火來，而在本集中則是他的肛門探針在作怪。
- 在原版試播集中，溫蒂·泰斯伯格和皮普·皮瑞普沒有出現在教室中，另有一位紅髮和金髮女生分別坐在他們的位子上。在本集中，兩位女生直到卡特曼放出火焰前都還在教室里，之後就被換成了溫蒂和皮普。
- 在原版試播集中，皮普滑下滑梯，腦袋撞到了杆子上，肯尼的笑聲和他告訴斯坦他可以在約會上做些什麼時的笑聲是一樣的。而在本集中，他告訴斯坦時的這一幕，他的笑聲有所改變。
- 在斯坦腦袋邊起舞的小小愛心原本只是升起並飄浮，而在本集中，它們早已出現，隨之而來的是斯坦大大的笑容。
- 原版的試播集比本集長兩分鐘。
- 肯尼在那集中沒有死去。
- 所有路人女性角色都是由Kari Turner配音。
- 在教室的一幕中，凱爾說「去你媽的帽子先生」，而加里森老師則回應說「不不不不，去你媽的」，這令整個班級為之震驚。
- 增加了幾幕原版試播集沒有的鏡頭。這幾幕是用的電腦動畫製作的。
肯尼之死
先是被外星人打中，然後被牛群踩過，接着被巴布雷迪警官的車給撞倒。