基动力车/剧本

梗概

冷知识

图册

剧本

在线观看

屁脸症

基动力车/剧本

邻居来也

Cast

• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski (Kyle Two)
• Kenny McCormick
• Eric Cartman
• Kyle Schwartz (Kyle)
• Mr. Herbert Garrison
• Randy Marsh
• Stuart McCormick
• Jimbo Kern
• Ike Broflovski
• Ms. Choksondik
• Sheila Broflovski
• John Travolta
• Steve Forbes
• Steve Jobs
• Bill Gates
• Donald Trump
• News Anchor Tom
• Field Reporter Jeff Arrando
• Airport Security Guard
• Government Agents

Script

基动力车
	Denver International Airport, day. Inside the terminal people are in long lines waiting to get their tickets or get on a plane. Mr. Garrison waits in line to have his bags scanned
Mr. Garrison	Jesus Christ, these lines are ridiculous! I'm gonna miss my flight! [sees a guard] E- Excuse me, there are two other security checkpoints. Why can't you open those, too?
Security Guard	Uh I don't know nothin'.
Mr. Garrison	But you work for the- [the guard turns around and walks way] uh, God-damnit!!
Voice	[over the PA system] Snooty Airlines announces the arrival of flight 239 from Connecticut.
	The Broflovskis stand in front of a perfume shop
Sheila	That's your cousin's flight, Kyle. Hold the sign up nice and high so he can find us.
Kyle	What's he look like?
Sheila	He's your age and about your height.
Kyle	I'm stoked my cousin is comin' to live with us. It'll be just like having a brother. [Ike flashes an angry look]
Ike	I todd a nurra.
Sheila	Oh, there he is. [waving] Over here, Kyle! [a boy wearing a NY cap and a #34 shirt appears. Kyle grins and holds up the sign. The boy looks to his right and walks off. Another boy appears, with bushy hair and a part down the middle and thick glasses]
Kyle Schwartz	Hello, Aunt Sheila.
Sheila	How was your flight? [Kyle lowers the sign and looks stunned]
Kyle Schwartz	Oh, it was terrible. They recycled the air on board and it really did a number on my asthma. I-I-e-I asked them to turn up the oxygen and they wouldn't. [walks up and joins the family]
Sheila	You remember Uncle Gerry.
Kyle Schwartz	Hi, Uncle Gerry.
Sheila	[kneels on one knee] And these are your cousins, Ike and Kyle.
Kyle	Hey dude.
Kyle Schwartz	It's nice to meet you.
Sheila	Let's get down to the baggage claim, Kyle. [rises and moves]
Both Kyles	Okay:
Sheila	[returns and genuflects again] Oooh, that's right! We've got two Kyles now. We'll just call you [to the nephew] Kyle, and you can be Kyle... [to the son] Two! [holds up two fingers and walks off. Kyle Schwartz (Kyle) follows her while Kyle Broflovski (Kyle Two) sorts this out]
Kyle Two	Cool. [follows the others out]
	Ticket counter. Mr. Garrison's turn has come up and he approaches the counter
Clerk	[female] Next?
Mr. Garrison	Oh, I feel like I've run a marathon. [hands her his ticket]
Clerk	[starts typing away] Mmmokay, the 2:30 flight to Cheyenne has boarded. Looks like you didn't make it.
Mr. Garrison	What? Well of course I didn't make it. The line to check in was two hours long, and the security line was two hours more!
Clerk	Nnnyeah, no problem, though. We'll get you on the 7 a.m. flight tomorrow morning.
Mr. Garrison	I can't go tomorrow, the Jizzfest is tonight!
Clerk	[ignoring comments] Would you like a window or an aisle seat?
Mr. Garrison	This is unbelievable! You know, I seem to remember when the airlines said, "We need a 15 billion dollar bailout from the taxpayers-"!
Clerk	Mmokay, and have any of your personal items been out of your possession since you left?
Mr. Garrison	[people in the lines hear him and turn to look] Well we gave them the 15 billion dollar bailout and they fired their employees anyway! So now we have three people to clear 400 passengers!
Man	Hey, he's right!
People	YEAH!
Clerk	Okay, and bags have been with you at all times?
Mr. Garrison	So where did that money go? I'll tell you where it went: it went into the pockets of the presidents and CEOs of the airlines, so they can keep their multimillion-dollar salaries!
People	YEAH!
Clerk	[prints out a pass and hands it out for Garrison to get] And here's your boarding pass for tomorrow morning.
Mr. Garrison	You think you can treat us however you want because we HAVE to fly! Well I'll tell you what, Sally Sassalot, I'm gonna come up with a NEW mode of transportation! A ahah brand new vehicle that'll put all you bastards out of business!
People	YEAH! ALRIGHT! GO!
Mr. Garrison	You think I can't do it?! I got a master's degree in mechanical engineering at Denver Community College! You watch me!! [turns and stretches his arms over the crowd] Come on, everybody!
People	YEAH!
Man	[next in line, approaches the clerk] Can I get on that 7:30 a.m. flight?
	The Broflovski house, night. The family is seated around the dining room table as Sheila enters with soup in hand
Sheila	Here we go, Kyle Two. [Kyle Two smiles at the soup he's gotten] And here's yours, Kyle. [Kyle inspects it]
Kyle	[sniffs] Oh, uh, wawawhat is this?
Kyle Two	Mom's special stew. She makes it every Monday and I love it.
Kyle	Oh is, is this beef?
Kyle Two	Yeah, dude, it's great! [eats the soup with gusto]
Kyle	Uha, wa, actually, I- I can't eat beef. I have a degenerative problem with my intestinal lining, and beef really gives me gaass.
Sheila	Oh, I'm so sorry, Kyle. What else can I fix you?
Kyle	Oh no, I d- I don't want to be a bother, I uh-
Sheila	Nonsense. Can't I make you some nice pasta? Or a frozen fish fillet?
Kyle	We-ull, some fish would be great if it isn't too much trouble.
Sheila	[rises and heads for the kitchen] I'll put it in the microwave right away. [heavy breathing is heard. Kyle Two looks at his cousin]
	Kitchen, moments later. Sheila has gotten the fish and breaks it apart on the kitchen counter. Kyle Two appears at the doorway
Kyle Two	Mom?
Sheila	Yes, Kyle Two?
Kyle Two	How am I related to him again?
Sheila	He's your cousin, Kyle Two. I told you already.
Kyle Two	Yeah, but like... first cousin or distant cousin?
Sheila	He's my sister's son. That makes him your first cousin.
Kyle Two	So we have the same blood?
Sheila	Now Kyle Two, listen to me. Kyle is going through a very tough time in his life. His mother is very sick and he's in a whole new place. He's going to rely on you to make sure he fits in at your school.
Kyle Two	What? How the hell am I supposed to do that?
Sheila	I'm sure your friends will love him.
Kyle Two	What about Cartman, huh? He rips on me for being Jewish! He's gonna tear this kid apart!
Sheila	Kyle Two, he's your responsibility.
Kyle Two	Oh my God.
Sheila	I'm sure you two will become great friends with lots of late night pillow talk.
Kyle Two	Well what do you mean? [she catches her breath] What room is he sleeping in?
	Kyle's room, past bed time. Both Kyles are in bed, the cousin getting used to the bed.
Kyle	What's this comforter filled with? Um, it isn't filled with down, is it?
Kyle Two	I don't know, dude.
Kyle	Ih it sure is quiet up here in the mountains and it's dry, too. Do you have a humidi-humidifier?
Kyle Two	I don't think so.
Kyle	Uh, can you take my stupid glasses and put them on the night stand. Make sure they're close by, because that fish upset my stomach and I might need them if I have to go to he bathroom later on.
Kyle Two	Okay. [reaches for the light and turns it off, then tries to sleep. That distinctive breathing returns as Kyle slowly goes to sleep, and Kyle Two takes a peek. Kyle swallows and turns his head to the left. Kyle Two looks at him, annoyed, then turns his back on Kyle and tries to sleep again]
	Mr. Garrison's house, night. He's working at an artist's desk in his bedroom. On the wall are drawings of various types of aircraft, and on the floor around him are bits and pieces of all kinds of vehicles, including bicycle gears, airplane propellers, car motors, a muffler. To his right is a dresser with a small color TV on top. Mr. Hat is present on his right hand, as always
Mr. Garrison	Now it's got to be simple. Like a moped, but with the ability to travel at much faster speeds. The designs of our electrical moped were altered with a- no, nonono this won't work either!
Mr. Hat	What was wrong with that plan?
Mr. Garrison	It has to be more stable, Mr. Hat! A moped would be too dangerous at those speeds. Damnit! [tries something new] Now, what if the jet power of an aircraft could be scaled down into a personal vehicle?
Mr. Hat	Boy, that Enrique Iglesias can sure gyrate his hot ass around.
Enrique Iglesias	[on TV, gyrating his hips around, holding his crotch in his left hand, the back of his head with the right one] ...I think about you day and night. I think about you...
Mr. Garrison	Oh, Mr. Hat! Would you stop drooling over Enrique Iglesias and... wait a minute. What did you say?
Mr. Hat	I said Enrique Iglesias can sure gyrate his hot ass!
Mr. Garrison	That's it. Gyration. [pulls something onto his desk] A gyroscope. [sets it in motion] It would allow for maximum balance and yet... Mr. Hat! You're a genius! [starts writing again] It's so simple and yet genius!
Mr. Hat	Check out his hot bulge, too.
	Bus stop, next day. Kenny, Stan and Cartman wait at the stop. The two Kyles walk up to them
Stan	Hey dude.
Cartman	What's that thing?
Kyle Two	Cartman, I need to talk to you. [takes him off to one side]
Kyle	[to Stan] Hello, I'm Kyle's cousin Kyle.
Kyle Two	Cartman, I'm gonna make you a deal.
Cartman	What?
Kyle Two	That kid over there is my cousin from the East Coast. He's having a really hard time right now, so I'm going to offer you forty dollars to not rip on him.
Cartman	Forty bucks?
Kyle Two	But you can't make fun of him AT ALL. No smartass comments, nothin'.
Cartman	Alright, alright.
Kyle Two	And you especially can't say anything about Jews!
Cartman	Aw, Jesus, why don't you just cut off my balls?
Kyle Two	Cartman, no Jew jokes! All you have to do is keep your mouth shut, and you've got forty bucks! Can you do it? [Cartman looks past Kyle Two and sees Kyle talking away at the bus stop]
Kyle	I can't believe how cold it is out here.
Cartman	[pulls back and mulls his chances] Could be tough. But I'll give it a shot.
Kyle Two	Alright. [both return to the bus stop]
Kyle	It's a really dry cold; that's the problem. It- the cold air makes me wheeze.
Kyle Two	[formal introductions] Kyle, this is Cartman, my sort of... friend-ish.
Kyle	[goes over to greet Cartman] Ot- Nice to meet you, Cartman. Yuh you know, I saw that same jacket you're wearing at Bosco's for $29.95. How much was yours? Um, I juh- I was just wondering if Bosco's is a ripoff?
Cartman	[weakening] ...Oh, man.
Kyle	[observes this and gets angry] Cartman?!
Cartman	[snaps into action] Uh, it's nice to meet you, Kyle. I can certainly tell you're a relative of my good friend Kyle here. [at that moment, a large wheel zips by the bus stop, and the kids cover their eyes]
Stan	What the hell was that?
	Neighborhood, day. Barbrady stops Craig's father in his car and is writing out a ticket when the large wheel zips by them.
Officer Barbrady	Uh what the hell was that?
	Downtown South Park. People walk about doing stuff. The giant wheel zips by them as well, but few seem to notice
Stuart	What the hell was that?
Randy	I dunno, it was going so fast I couldn't see it. [looks at Stuart] But I want one.
Stuart	Yep, me too.
	Garrison's house, curb level. The giant wheel stops and two legs dismount. It's Mr. Garrison, beaming with pride and confidence
Mr. Garrison	We've done it, Mr. Hat. Airline companies be damned. We've invented a whole new mode of transportation! Get some investors on the phone! [Mr. Hat doesn't move] Well what are you waiting for?!
	South Park Elementary, day. Class is now in session.
Ms. Choksondik	And I know you'll all be very nice to our new student. [To Kyle] Kyle, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?
Kyle	Oh well, I I grew up in the shity, ah ah I really don't care for it. Ah I come from a Jewish family, which of course you already know, because Kyle's from the same family. [Kyle Two buries his face in his hands] I like to read, and I have these polyps on the backs of my hands - I don't know what they are.
Cartman	[resisting an urge] Ohmigod, I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it.
Kyle	...Oh, and I hope one day to be an investment banker.
Cartman	[resisting mightily] I... must.. fight it! Need... forty... dollars!
Ms. Choksondik	Okay, why don't you go ahead and take a seat, Kyle? [Kyle goes to the desks, looks around, then runs around]
Kyle	Uh where should I sit? There's no place to sit down here.
Ms. Choksondik	Yes, unfortunately the school seems to be completely out of extra desks. So you'll just have to share with your cousin.
Kyle Two	What?
Kyle	Eh, oh, alright. [moves to Kyle Two's desk and squeezes in, and that breathing is heard again]
Ms. Choksondik	[turns to the blackboard] Now let's get on with our lesson on the-
Kyle	Ah-ah-ah-are wooden desks all that available? I usually prefer the plastic ones because these give me splinters.
Cartman	Ugh, ugh!
Ms. Choksondik	[faces the class] I'm sorry, Kyle. You'll just have to make do. [turns to the blackboard again] Now let's get back to the le-
Kyle	Is it cold in here? I realize we're in the mountains, but do we have to freeze to death?
Ms. Choksondik	[faces the class] Now Kyle, I need you to be quiet. In my class you need to be able to concentrate.
Cartman	Oh!
Ms. Choksondik	Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
Cartman	Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp. AWGH! Damnit, damnit, damnit!
Kyle Two	CARTMAN!
	News 4 Newsbreak. An anchor soon appears with a window of Mr. Garrison beside him
Anchor	Kindergarten teacher Herbert Garrison has apparently invented a new vehicle that will give the airlines a run for their money. Mr. Garrison is putting the final touches on his top secret device, which he simply calls "IT". ["IT" appears in the window] So what exactly is "IT"? ["IT?" appears in the window] Here with a report is a Hispanic man with some gravy stains on his lapel. [a window with that reporter pops up and soon fills the screen. Behind him is the Garrison house, and a small crowd is standing outside]
Hispanic Reporter	Thanks, Tom, I-oh... [looks at his lapel and brushes some of the stain off] Thanks, Tom. So far, Herbert Garrison hasn't let anyone get a look at his invention. He claims that the vehicle is sooo genius and revolutionary that it could cause one's eyes to bleed if not properly prepared to see it. But earlier today HBC News got footage of some of the country's top investors and richest people who have been invited for a first look, including: Steve Forbes [seen exiting a black limo], Steve Jobs [seen exiting a white limo], Ted Turner [seen exiting a helicopter], Donald Trump [seen exiting a private jet], Bill Gates [seen leaving his own ship, the U.S.S. Bill Gates XP], and Yasmine Bleeth [seen exiting a small dingy car and wiping her nose]. Their curiosity is piqued, Tom, and so is ours. What is "IT"? What does "IT"do? And when will IT be somewhere where I can buy one? Reporting live, Jeff Arrando [trills the Rs], HBC News.
	Playground, day. Kids are on swings, hobby elephants, slides, etc, as the camera pans across. At the end of the pan, Kyle and Kyle Two face each other in a clearing
Kyle Two	You need to learn to play some sports, Kyle. So we're gonna start with a tough one called, "Catch the Ball." I throw the football to you; you throw it back to me.
Kyle	Oh, bu- but isn't the cold air making the ball really hard? Ih-it's gonna hurt my hands.
Kyle Two	It's fine!
Kyle	Alright then, hu-how do I catch it?
Kyle Two	Ih it's a football, dude. You just- put your arms out and catch it. [Kyle's arms spread out] Alright, here we go. [throws the ball, and it lands in the snow in front of Kyle, who just looks at it]
Kyle	Now what?
Kyle Two	Now throw it back to me.
Kyle	But it's down in the snow.
Kyle Two	...So dig it out.
Kyle	But I'll get snow on my gloves and then it will melt and I'll have wet hands.
Kyle Two	...Well, then we'll dry them off!
Kyle	Alright, then. [walks to the ball and digs it out]
Kyle Two	[turns away] Oh my God.
Cartman	[offscreen] Kyle, Kyle! [arrives] I just found out that in World War II, some Jewish people were sent to concentration camps.
Kyle Two	[Angrily] Yeah! They WERE, Cartman!
Cartman	Oh, and see, I didn't realize that. But I understand now how you might've felt what I said in the classroom was a racial slut. But see, I had no idea.
Kyle Two	You did, too! You are so full of crap!
Cartman	No, I'm seriously! Because, um, I was, I was talkin' to Craig, and Craig was all like, "Hey, did you know that in World War II they really HAD concentration camps?" And I was all like, "No way!" And this little light went on in my head like, "Aw man, no wonder Kyle thought what I said in the class, seemed like it was directed at his cousin." But, but I was literally talkin' about a concentration camp, you know, where you go for a week to learn and focus, you know. Oh, mahan. [Kyle Two gets even angrier] What a misunderstanding, huh? [tries to be chummy with Kyle. Kyle brushes him off]
Kyle Two	You blew the deal, Cartman!
Cartman	Goddamnit, give me another chance!
Kyle Two	[his cousin walks up behind him with the football] Nuh-uh, I knew you were gonna make fun of my lame cousin, so I paid you the forty bucks NOT to rip on him! You ripped on him, deal's off!
Kyle	Uh you did what? [Kyle Two blanches]
Kyle Two	[puts his mittens up to his cheeks] Oh no.
Cartman	Haha, [slaps him on the back] serves you right, asshole. [leaves]
Kyle	You, you paid your friends tuh... [hangs his head] not make fun of me?
Kyle Two	Look, ih it's not because anything's wrong with you.
Kyle	Wow uh, you think it takes forty dollars to get people to like me.
Kyle Two	Kyle, I-eh I'm sorry.
Kyle	Because I m-I mean I really think you could have done it for about $12.50.
Kyle Two	What?
Kyle	Well, I mean, you didn't just start at 40, didja? You you gotta low-ball these things so you have a place to go.
Kyle Two	Uh-uh-uh oh, dude. Uh [shuffles away]
Kyle	Boy it sure is dry out here.
	Mr. Garrison's house, backyard. The invited guest sit in two rows of chairs
Mr. Garrison	Gentlemen, imagine being able to travel safely at incredibly fast speeds, and not having to go to the stupid fartface airports!
Mr. Hat	That sounds incredible, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison	It IS incredible, Mr. Hat. And what makes IT possible [the back gate open and Kyle walks in] is IT's patented gyroscope design. [he backs up and unveils the vehicle] Gentlemen, I give you, IT!
Guests	Whoa.
Steve Forbes	Nice.
Donald Trump	Sweet.
Mr. Garrison	IT gets over 300 miles to the gallon, and is safely capable of speeds of over 200 miles per hour.
Guests	Whoa. Wow.
Bill Gates	This will change everything.
Steve Jobs	We're going to have to rethink cities!
Mr. Garrison	[puts on a helmet] Now, IT is easily operated using four flexigrip handles. Two of them are on each side. Left side for throttle, right side for steering. [operates each one as he describes it] The third flexigrip is gently inserted into the anus, to keep the driver in place. [gets into the wheel and activates the flexigrip. It extends into his anus and he groans as it locks him in.]
Guests	Ugh. Oh.
Mr. Garrison	...there we go. Now, the final flexigrip is directly in front of the driver so that its small switches can be operated with the mouth, as such. [begins to suck on the flexigrip, then stops] Put the four together and we're ready to go. [gets the four flexigrips to work in unison and the vehicles takes off, first one way...]
Steve Jobs	Oh my God! [...and then the other. The guests turn to see IT zoom across the yard]
Steve Forbes	Look at it go! [Garrison crashes through the fence and disappears in the distance. Kyle, standing next to the new hole in the fence, isn't hurt]
Bill Gates	But the way it works... do you think people will go through that to travel?
Steve Forbes	Hey, it... still beats what you go through at the airports.
Guest 1	True.
Guest 2	Yup.
Guest 3	Yeah, that's true.
Guest 4	Yeap.
	The Broflovski house, night. Two lights are on
	Kyle Two's room. Stan is writing in a book as Kyle speaks
Kyle Two	I can't take it anymore, Stan. My cousin's been here for two weeks and he's driving me insane.
Stan	I know, dude. Every kid in school wants to kick his ass.
Kyle Two	I spent five years in this town making a good name for Jews and this... this... stereotype shows up and wrecks it all! You know what my biggest fear is? That I'll become him. That somehow his mannerisms will start rubbing off on me, and I'll become a stereotype. I mean, I'm a Jew and he's making me hate Jews.
Stan	Dude, a self-hating Jew? You are becoming a stereotype.
Kyle Two	Ya see?
Kyle	[opens the door] I'm ba-ack!
Kyle Two	[slaps his head] Ugh.
Stan	Book. Later, dude. [leaves the desk, walks to the door and around Kyle, and exits. Kyle Two gets out his own writing book and starts writing. Kyle's breathing can be heard, and Kyle Two stops. Kyle eats a bit of cracker and Kyle Two resumes writing. After a while he grimaces, then buries his face in his arms]
	South Park, day. The day for IT's unveiling is here, and it's being offered at Better Buy. Another camera focuses on the Hispanic reporter
Jeff Arrando	Tom, the day is finally here. IT has arrived for retail sale, and people are getting their first look at it.
Mr. Garrison:	[showing Craig's father how it works] Okay, good. Just step through here [the man does so] And then this is your steering and here's your throttle.
Craig's father	Okay. [starts working the flexigrips]
Mr. Garrison	Okay, now you're just gonna feel a little pinch.
Craig's father	[feeling it] HAAAOW!
Mr. Garrison	It's alright, it's just locking you in. [some more groans from the man] You can take it. [looks up to see another rider] Doing great, Kathy. How's that ride? [she mumbles something, gives a thumbs-up, and continues driving. Garrison goes back to Craig's father] Okay, now use your mouth to operate the turn signals, and you're off. [the man gets all four flexigrips going, and he begins to roll down the street. Two men bring out a new one] Great! Who else wants to give it a spin? [an elderly woman steps forth grinning]
	In front of Better Buy. IT drivers move about as Randy and Stuart look on. Craig's father rolls to a stop next to them
Randy	Oh, man, it that the IT?
Craig's Father	Hehyeah.
Stuart	How is it?
Craig's Father	Well, ugh. Ih ih it beats dealing with the airline companies, that's for sure. [rolls on]
	Neighborhood, day. The boys have Kyle on a sled, which is tied to...
Kyle	I don't know about this, guys. I think sleds are dangerous.
Kyle Two	Look, Kyle. Sledding is something all kids out here do. You've gotta learn.
Kyle	It seems like I might get splinters, though.
Kyle Two	[moves to the front of the sled to face his cousin] Remember: Just hold on. No matter how long the sledding run lasts, hold on.
Kyle	Hold on. I see. [...a bus. It revs up and leaves, headed for Connecticut. The rope between the bus and sled tightens, and the sled takes off] Oh, Jeezus, this sled is going faaaast.
Kyle Two	[calls out] Hang on!
Kyle	I have to watch out for my glasses. Ow! Ow, it's so cold! Oh Jesus! [the bus goes around a corner and is gone]
Kyle Two	How far do you think it is to Connecticut?
Kyle	It's a least a couple of hours.
Kyle Two	Think he'll be alright?
Cartman	[leaving] He's faaahn.
	Commercial
Announcer	[shot of a plane in the air, then of a full cabin] Are you tired of corporate airline companies treating you like a worthless sardine? [angry faces crowded into each other] Tired of ridiculous lines and horrible security at airports? [angry, vocal crowds yelling at security guards who seem to be taking their time. Next: shot of the plane in midflight again] Well, now there is an alternative to airline travel. [Next shot, an IT zooming down the road. The camera now moves along with IT] IT. [the driver leans to the left a bit to see where he's going] IT has taken the country by storm. [A J-mart is shown, and several ITs are parked out in the lot] And already two million have been sold. [An IT driver is shown going down the street. Another IT driver passes him] Never have another important business trip ruined by airline incompetence. [two elderly women ride to the edge of a canyon] Hey ladies! How did you get to the Grand Canyon? [they answer, but their voices carry and blur in the canyon. Next shot: a woman exits her house with her baby] IT comes in sizes for the entire family.
Woman	[putting the baby, Robby, into his own small IT.] Here you go, Robby. [Robby cries]
John Travolta	[in a studio stage, Stage C, somewhere, gets off his chair] Hello, I'm John Travolta. I used to rely on airlines to get me to set, but once I got used to IT, [walks over to IT and gets in] I found it to be a little less painful than dealing with the airline companies. I just power up the flexigrips. [groans in pain as the anal flexigrip takes hold] And I'm ready to go. Thank you, IT. [revs up and takes off.]
Announcer	[a shot of ITs entering and leaving a parking lot] So join the millions of Americans who have felt a little more comfortable with... traveling. [the oral flexigrip squirts something in a driver's eye. The IT logo appears] Order yours today and remember our slogan: IT's better than flying.
	Kyle's house, living room. Kyle Two has finished watching the commercial
Kyle Two	...Hm, that was pretty gay. [starts humming, and Sheila enters the room]
Sheila	Kyle Two, where is Kyle?
Kyle Two	[poised] I don't know, Mom. Last time I saw him he was sledding.
Sheila	Where on earth could he be? [starts to leave]
Kyle Two	You know, it's just possible he went back to Connecticut.
Sheila	[quickly returns] What?
Kyle Two	Well, ah I mean, maybe he got so worried about his mom that found a way to get back and see her.
Sheila	Don't be ridiculous, Kyle Two. He's out playing with his new friends.
Kyle Two	I'm just throwin' it out there as a possibility. [the doorbell rings and he goes to answer the door]
Kyle	[at the door] I'm ba-ack.
Kyle Two	AAA!
Kyle	[enters] I'm sorry. You must've been worried sick. I got your sled tangled up with a bus. [looks at Kyle Two]
Kyle Two	A, a bus. R-really?
Sheila	[rushes up] Kyle, what happened to you??
Kyle	Ah- I was just sledding, and the next thing I knew my sled rope got tangled with a bus, uh. I gut dragged for over a hundred miles before the bus finally stopped for gas. [gives Kyle Two the remains of the sled] I'm sorry about your sled, Kyle.
Kyle Two	Oh no- don't worry about it, dude.
Sheila	Oh you poor thing! Come upstairs and we'll get you out of those wet clothes. [leads him away. Kyle Two looks dismayed] Are you alright?
Kyle	Oh, my ears feel like they're frozen off, and I think I have a hemorrhoid from sitting on the sled for so long.
	IT dealership, day. The IT has grown so popular it's left Better Buy for its own sale space. The camera pans across the showroom floor to Mr. Garrison, seated in front of an IT Motors Inc. sign. He's got a stack of bills to his right and a computer to his left, all on a futuristic desk
Mr. Garrison	We're in the money, Mr. Hat, We're in the money, Mr. Hat... [Jimbo, holding his lower back, walks up to Mr. Garrison] Oh hi, Jimbo. Can I help you?
Jimbo	Yeah, I wanted to order that theft alarm for my IT.
Mr. Garrison	[reaches under his desk and pulls out a form] Oh, right, right. Take a seat.
Jimbo	Uh, that's okay, I'll stand.
Mr. Garrison	[Randy walks up to the desk] What do you think, Mr. Marsh? All set to put a down payment on that baby?
Randy	Well, yeah, but I have one question about the way it works.
Mr. Garrison	Sure.
Randy	Well, [walks back to IT] it seems all the buttons on these front and rear flexigrips are also found on the side of the vehicle.
Mr. Garrison	Yeup.
Randy	[returns to the desk] Well... so... they don't really... do anything.
Mr. Garrison	Right.
Randy	So then, couldn't I just order one that works without going in and out of my ass and mouth?
Mr. Garrison	[thinks about this a moment] Well, I... guess you could. [a view of the showroom]
Man 1	Huh?
Man 2	Whazzat?
Man 3	Wha- what did you- what did he say?
Man 4	What?
	Denver International Airport, day. A plane takes off. Inside the terminal the boys and Kyle stand around
Kyle	I don't know about this guys. I think playing hide and seek in the airport might be dangerous.
Kyle Two	Kyle, we told you: Kids in Colorado all play hide and seek at the airport.
Stan	Yeah, as soon as we get to the concourse you'll see how fun it is.
Kyle Two	[leans towards Stan and in a low voice] Ungh, this is taking too long. The flight to Connecticut is about to leave. [looks at the guard] Ey! Can we speed things up here??
Security Guard	Daaah, sorry, but ever since that IT thing came out the airlines have had to cut back on employees.
Kyle Two	Dude, we're the only ones here! How long does it take five people through security?!
Security Guard	Derr, let's see: Twelve people... plus... times... divided... two hours domestic, three hours international.
Kyle	Can't we just play hide and seek at home?
Kyle Two	No!
Security Guard	[to Kenny] Dah ha! What's this?! A toenail clipper! [rises to his feet and aims a gun at Kenny] Die, terrorist! [kills him with one shot]
Kyle	Oh, Jesus!! [the corpse starts to bleed]
Security Guard	See, we do these checks for a reason!
Kyle Two	This is ridiculous! Come on! [leaves. The others except Kyle follow. Cartman stops and pulls Kyle away. The boys head through some doors designated for employees only, with security bypass]
	Tarmac, outside. The boys stop at a plane ready to take off
Kyle Two	Okay, Cartman, you're it. Start counting. [Kyle Two pulls Kyle away, Stan follows]
Cartman	[turns toward the landing gear and buried his face in a wheel, then starts counting] 1, 2, 3, 4...
Kyle Two	[Stan and Kyle Two stop at a box] Here, Kyle. You go hide in here. [shows him the box]
Kyle	In there? But it's very confined. I'll get cramps in my legs.
Kyle Two	JUST GET IN THE BOX!
Kyle	Uh, alright then. [goes in. Stan and Kyle Two quickly seal the box with wrapping tape and carry it off] Oh, would you look at that? I've got a corn on my ankle. [the two boys toss the box into a luggage cart, an employee tosses the box onto the conveyor, and it falls into the cargo bay with the other luggage] Now where did that one come from? That's the fourth one I've had- [the plane taxis to the runway and is ready to take off]
Kyle Two	I hope he doesn't suffocate.
Cartman	[leaving] He's faaahn.
Stan	Yeah. He'll be waaay better off back at home. [he and Kyle watch the plane lift off]
Kyle	Oh, Jesus, this bus is going fast! [as the plane climbs, the side of it is shown: Air Antarctica] Oh, I did it again!!
	IT dealership, day. Crowds mill around the dealership. Federal agents raid the building and start hauling ITs away. Mr. Garrison isn't pleased
Mr. Garrison	Excuse me, what the hell are you doing?
Agent 1	It's alright, we're with the government.
Agent 2	We're just shutting you down.
Mr. Garrison	Shutting me down? Why?
Agent 3	[the first two agents exit with an IT] The airlines are in desperate trouble. Your vehicle is causing them to lose money.
Mr. Garrison	Yeah, well that was the point, dingleberry! Ah-t put that down!
Agent 4	Right, so the government is bailing the airlines out again, by shutting you down and making ITs illegal.
Mr. Garrison	OH, GOD-DAMNIT! You'd better be kidding! [pounds the desk]
Agent 5	Sir, many people work for the airlines. We can't let them all be fired.
Mr. Garrison	THE AIRLINE COMPANIES ARE LOSING MONEY BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE AND THEIR OWN INEFFICIENCY!!
Agent 6	That may be true. But if you build, sell, or ride another IT, "it" will be the last time. Have a nice night. [the agent and his partner walk off with the last IT and Garrison is left with a barren showroom]
Mr. Garrison	HWAAAAHHH! Airline motherfuckerrrs! You pieces of shiiit! Cocksucking sons of bitch airlines! [the agents, in their black cars and big rigs, leave]
	The Broflovski house, night. In the living room, Sheila paces the floor as Kyle sits on the sofa
Sheila	Oh, it's been days! Where can he be?
Kyle Two	I dunno, Mom. It's like he vanished into thin air.
Sheila	I'm gong to call the police again. Kyle Two, go down to the playground and look there.
Kyle Two	[gets off the sofa] I already checked the playground, Ma. [reaches the front door and opens it] I told you, he isn't really- [turns in astonishment to see Kyle back at the front door]
Kyle	I'm back.
Kyle Two	GAAAH! [hangs his head in dismay]
Sheila	[offscreen] Kyle! [Kyle enters] You're back!
Kyle	Yeah, it was the craziest thing. I hid myself on a plane to Antarctica. Oh, it was so dry down there.
	The Broflovski house, a few days later. Stan and Cartman approach the door. Inside, Kyle is standing in the living room, his arms crossed. He's clearly pissed off. The door opens, and Stan and Cartman walk in.
Stan	So dude, did Cartman's idea work?
Kyle Two	No. I tried getting my cousin lost in the woods, but a stupid bear brought him home.
Stan	Damn!
Kyle Two	I just have to face facts that I'm goin' to live with my crappy cousin forever.
Kyle	[approaching with Sheila, carrying suitcases, ready to go home] Well, Kyle, I I gotta go.
Kyle Two	[the boys are stunned] ...What?
Kyle	Yeah, I've gotta get back to Connecticut.
Sheila	Now that things have changed for Kyle, his mother needs him back.
Kyle Two	[gasps in relief and turns to Kyle] Do you promise?? [steps back] I mean, oh. Thah-uh that's too bad, dude. What, what changed for you?
Kyle	Well, I- I invested in that IT thing, and there was a bailout, so I received a five million dollar bailout clause check, which, which I can use to help my family, so, I- I guess, goodbye, cousin. [heads for the door with Sheila]
Kyle Two	Okay. See ya, cousin. Hope to see ya soon. [once Kyle is out of earshot, says in a low voice] Not too soon, I hope.
Stan	Yeah, haha.
Cartman	Heheheheheh. [the door is heard opening and they realize what Kyle just told them]
All Three	Five million dollars??? [they quickly rush up to Kyle and block him from leaving the house. Sheila is already outside]
Kyle Two	Dudedudedude! You- you have five million dollars??
Kyle	Yeah, I don't know what to do with it, though. Well, see ya.
Kyle Two	[holds his palms out] Wait. Kyle, this may sound crazy, but I think you should stay!
Stan, Cartman	Yeah!
Kyle	Re- really?
Kyle Two	Yeah. You see, I've learned something today. [Sheila watches from outside, waiting for Kyle. Music starts up] Sometimes people have trouble fitting in at, at school and,... [music dies] and um... Let's see, what did I learn about? [voice fading, strokes his chin] What did I learn about today?
Cartman	[steps forth] I- I, I learned that... you shouldn't judge somebody because... that-no, wait.
Kyle Two	Nonono, it was good! What were you going to say?
Kyle	Listen, guys, I appreciate you wanting me around, but, the fact of the matter is, well, yeh, you guys are just kind of douche bags.
Kyle Two	... Uhwhat?
Kyle	I mean, yeyou people are all just such hick jock rednecks; it's just like you right out of a stereotyped catalog. [picks up his suitcases and goes towards the door] Ah I can't take it. See ya. [walks out and joins his aunt to the car. The boys are left stunned, having been judged and found wanting once again]
Kyle Two	Dude! Weak.
Cartman	[turns to Kyle] ...Good job, Jew!
基动力车 结束