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出场角色

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Randy Marsh
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Marvin Marsh
  • The Hare Club For Men
    • Easter Bunny
    • Nelson
    • Nick Donovan
  • Easter Bunny Aide
  • Teabag and his Butler
  • Bill Donohue and his ninjas
  • Jesus Christ
  • Pope Benedict
  • Italian Cardinal
  • Cardinal
  • Crowd At St. Peter's
  • Tourist
  • Announcer
  • Reporter
  • Singer

剧本

复活节惊魂
The Marsh house, outside, night.
Randy
[inside] ...In my Easter Bonnet, with all the frills upon it, I'll be the grandest lady in the Easter parade.
The Marsh house, dining room table. The Marshes are decorating Easter eggs. Stan dips a hard-boiled egg into a glass of green dye. Marvin spins his slowly in a small lathe. Randy finishes one up and shows it off.
Randy
Look at that one, huh? Half purple and half yellow with a chikadee sticker. I'm good. [sets it into the egg tray]
Stan
Uh, can I ask a question? Why do we do this?
Randy
Wha... what do you mean, "Why do we do this?" It's Easter!
Stan
Right, so, why do we color eggs? [Shelly makes a cross face]
Randy
Wulll, ssso that the Easter bunny can hide them.
Stan
Yeah, but why?
Randy
Stanley, Easter celebrates the day that Jesus was resurrected after being crucified for our sins.
Stan
So we dip eggs in colored vinegar and a giant rabbit hides them?
Randy
That's right.
Stan
You don't see the missteps in logic with that? [Randy is unfazed, while Shelly, Sharon, and Marvin look at Stan disapprovingly] Look, I'm just saying that somewhere between Jesus dying on the Cross and a giant bunny hiding eggs there seems to be a, a gap of information.
Randy
Stanley, just dye your Goddamned eggs!
Stan
[leaves his seat] I don't feel like coloring eggs! I don't get it!
Randy
What is wrong with him?!
Sharon
Well, he's just getting older, Randy. Maybe he's figured out the Easter bunny isn't real. [continues dying her egg. Randy slams his palms down on the table angrily. Sharon is taken aback.]
Randy
[rising] You know so little! [leaves]
South Park Mall, day. The Easter bunny has a big Easter display at the mall where he sits in a chair taking requests for Easter gifts. A line of kids is waiting. In that line are Stan, Clyde, Red, Kevin, Craig, Heidi, Millie, Bill, Token, Jimmy, and a few little brothers and sisters
Cartman
And I want a Baltor soldier doll for Easter, and five Crash'n'Go RC cars, you got that?! Do you have that?!
Mall Bunny
Ahh, don't you think that's-
Cartman
Nono! You don't ask me questions! You are a rabbit! I am a human. So if you don't bring me what I want for Easter, I can fucking kill you!
Aide
Smile! [takes a picture and Cartman hops off]
Cartman
Bye, Easter bunny! [leaves]
Mall Bunny
[watches him leave] Oh my God. [Stan walks up and sits on the bunny's lap. The bunny notices]
Stan
All right, can you explain to me what's going on?
Mall Bunny
Huh?
Stan
What is the deal with the coloring the eggs and you hiding them and all that? What does that have to do with Jesus dying on the Cross? [no reply] It is symbolic? Are you trying to reference something that happened in Biblical times? [nudges him] Answer me!
Mall Bunny
Look, kid ahh, I'm j-, I'm just a guy in a costume.
Stan
I know that! But I figure you must have some knowledge of what Easter's about if you're playing the Easter Bunny at the mall!
Mall Bunny
Huhuh, Easter's just Easter. Just, just go with it, kid.
Stan
No, I'm not gonna just go with it! I'm gonna find out what's behind all this! [hops off and walks away]
Mall Bunny
I need a break. Can I have a break? [he gets it and walks up to some payphones nearby. He picks one up and dials a number] We have a problem. Somebody's onto us. Yeah, he's askin' a lot of questions. Only a matter of time before he finds out what Easter's really about. Yes, I understand what must be done. Call the others. [hangs up the phone]
Stan's neighborhood, day. Stan is walking home with determination. He walks by a bus stop where someone is reading a newspaper. The newspaper drops down a bit and the reader is another Easter bunny. Stan stops and looks over his shoulder and the newspaper rises to its former position again. Stan walks on, and the bunny rises a few seconds later to follow him. Stan notices and begins to run. A few seconds later he notices three more Easter bunnies facing him. With bunnies behind him and in front, he runs across the street to escape, but a car stops just before hitting him and two more bunnies step out of the car. He gets to the other side and continues running in the same direction as before, with the six bunnies chasing him. He makes it home and closes the front door behind him. The bunnies reach the door and start pounding on it
The Marsh house, inside. Stan runs upstairs.
Stan
Mom? Dad? [reaches the second floor] Anybody home?
Randy
[voice only] Not now, Stanley, I'm on the toilet! [Stan runs to the restroom door and pounds on it]
Stan
Dad! You've gotta help me! [looks around]
Randy
Hang on, I'm taking a crap.
Stan
Dad! There's Easter bunnies chasing me!
Randy
What?
Stan
They chased me from the mall! I don't know what they want! [hears the front door breaking open] They're coming in! Dad, open the door! [the bathroom door opens and Randy looks out, wearing some bunny ears and a bunny snout with buck teeth.] Dad?
Randy
We... need to talk, Stan. [the Easter bunnies run up the stairs] Ih, it's okay guys.
Gray Hare
Randy?
Randy
Yeah. 'Cause it turns out the kid we're after is my son.
Purple Hare
Ohhh.
Randy
Tell the Grand Hare everything is okay. I'll take it from here.
Stan's room. Randy explains things.
Randy
I wanted to keep this from you, Stan. I really wanted to wait until you were older but... you just had to keep asking questions!
Stan
Why were those other rabbit guys chasing me?!
Randy
We have to be careful when we think somebody's onto us. [turns to face him] We are all part of a secret society, Stan. A very ancient, very important society of men who follow the way of the Rabbit, and protect the secret of the Easter bunny. We are called... the Hare Club For Men.
Stan
[not impressed, but curious] Does Mom know about this?
Randy
Duh, it's the Hare Club For Men. Chicks wouldn't understand.
Stan
I don't understand!
Randy
I belong to a secret society that has been around for thousands of years! Our identities have to be protected!
Stan
Could, could you, take off, the ears, please?
Randy
Stan, you don't seem to understand how serious this is! The secret of Easter that we protect is something that could rock the foundation of the entire world!
Stan
So what is the secret of Easter?
Randy
I can't tell you. You have to be allowed into the Society first, but... but perhaps... it's time.
Randy's car, night. He and Stan drive along a secluded road. Stan has a bag over his head so he doesn't see where they're going.
Randy
I always knew this day would come, when my son would be brought into the society. Reminds me of the day I was brought in by my father.
Stan
Grandpa's in it too?
Randy
Of course. Marshes have been in the Hare Club For Men for generations. All the way back to the beginning.
Stan
Dad, do I have to wear this bag over my head the entire time?
Randy
You aren't a member yet. You can't know where our secret meetings take place. We're going to a distant location, an old building near a lake about 40 minutes away.
Stan
You mean the old Galveston Lodge? [Randy's taken aback at Stan's memory and so thinks about what to do next. After a while, he decides to remove the bag]
Randy
Dammit.
Galveston Lodge, night. Hares from all around gather inside. T.H.C.F.M. The lodge is guarded by two large golden hares
Hare 1
Hey Bill.
Hare 2
Evenin' Marcus.
Hare 3
Heh heh hey, look at you!
Hare 4
Hey everybody.
Galveston Lodge, inside. Hares mingle and chat
Hare 5
Stan Marsh, welcome! You must be very excited.
Stan
Must I?
Marvin
There he is! There's my grandson!
Stan
Hi Grandpa.
Marvin
I'm proud of ya, Billy.
Stan
...Stan.
Galveston Lodge, induction ceremony. Randy places a strip of white fur on Stan's shoulders. The purple Hare dips an egg in a glass lavender dye and rings the bell. The gray Hare steps up, dips his egg in yellow dye and rings the bell. This continues. Later on, a gavel is sounded and the Hares turn left with lit candles.
Pink Hare
Tonight, we determine if a new member is worthy of protecting the Secret. Bring out... the rabbit.
Hares

Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.
In suspiratoreum, lepus in re sanctum.
[two Hares carry the rabbit forward in a gilded cage]
Hippitus hoppitus reus Domine.
[they set the rabbit before the Pink Hare and everyone genuflects... except for Stan. Randy looks up and has him genuflect as well]

Pink Hare
All hail the cute rabbit, Snowball!
Hares
Hail Snowball. [all rise as the Pink Hare approaches Stan]
Pink Hare
Stan Marsh, are you ready to hear the secret of Easter?
Stan
Yeah.
Randy
Are you sure, son? Once you hear the secret, you will be bound to The Hare Club For Men forever.
Stan
Yeah, I wanna know already.
Pink Hare
Very well. At the Last Supper, Jesus Christ met with his 12 Disciples. It was there that- [interrupted by breaking windows and ninjas pouring in]
Gray Hare
They found us! [the other Hares arm themselves]
White Hare
[with rainbow vest] Protect Snowball! [a door is turned down, and a ninja, a monk, and a layman enter the lodge. Another door breaks down and another monk enters with three ninjas]
Brown Hare
They're everywhere! [Hares and ninja battle each other, killing each other as Stan watches]
Randy
[approaches Stan with Snowball] Come on, we've gotta go! [a ninja spots him and quickly fires an arrow into his left leg. He stumbles] Stan, take Snowball and get out of here!
Stan
Where am I supposed to go?
Randy
Just get out of here! [Stan turns around and heads for the entrance. A ninja comes up behind him, but Randy grabs the ninjas leg and holds on, forcing the ninja to fall. The ninja tries to kick Randy off]
Layman
Where is the rabbit?!
Galveston Lodge, outside. Stan runs into a small woods nearby, but he hears car doors, so he goes back to see what's going on. The ninjas and laymen are rounding up the wounded Hares.
Hare 6
Where are you taking us?
Hare 7
No! I'm not goin' anywhere! [the layman walks up and shoot him in the head, and he falls.]
Stan
Jesus Christ! [a monk has Randy restrained]
Layman
Who did you give the rabbit to?! [slaps Randy, Randy spits back. The layman punches Randy in the stomach and has him rounded up with the others] Search the area! The boy could not have gotten far!
Stan
Oh no... [looks around, then runs off]
Kyle's house, night. Kyle is at the dining room table doing fingerpaints of Stars of David for Passover. The doorbell rings and he goes to answer it. Stan is at the entrance gasping for air and carrying Snowball. He's a bit unkempt.
Stan
Help.
Kyle
What happened?
Stan
My Dad's in a rabbit-worshiping cult called the Hare Club For Men they protect the secret of Easter but before they said what it was they were attacked by ninjas and put me in charge of Snowball.
Kyle
...I'm kind of finger painting right now.
Stan
[enters anyway] Dude, they took my Dad away. They even shot one of his fellow hares. And now they're after me! [turns around and fires off a few questions] Do you know anything about Easter? What is the connection between Jesus and rabbits and colored eggs?
Kyle
Dude, I'm Jewish. I have no idea.
A dark place. Randy is laying on the floor, the arrow removed from his leg. He stirs, coughs, and sits up. He's in an old large jail cell with the surviving Hares
Randy
Nelson. [crawls towards him] Nelson? Nelson, say something.
Nelson
[reclining against a cage wall] My legs. I... I think they're broken.
Randy
Nelson, do you know where we are? Where did they take us?
Nelson
Don't know... we traveled for hours... kept blacking out... [coughs. Randy lets go and crawls back, but sees someone standing before him]
Randy
You...
A mansion, night. Stan and Kyle arrive and knock on its front door. A butler answers the door
Kyle
Hi, we'd like to speak to a [reads the name from a slip of paper] Professor Teabag? [Stan is still carrying Snowball]
Butler
What is it in regard to? [the professor appears at the far end with a walking stick]
Kyle
The history of Easter.
Teabag
[walks slowly towards the boys] Sorry boys, it's a little late for me to be giving lectures. [turns around and walks away]
Stan
Please? Do you know anything about the Hare Club For Men? [the professor stops and turns around]
Teabag
The Keepers? [walks towards them] The Guardians of the Secret?
Stan
[the butler steps aside] My Dad is in it. This... rabbit is too somehow.
Teabag
Come on in. [smiles]
Teabag's study. He leads the boys in and begins
Teabag
The Hare Club For Men has been around for centuries. One of its most famous members was Leonardo da Vinci. [on a large widescreen TV is a picture of The Last Supper] Behold the Last Supper. The dinner Christ had with his disciples the night before he was crucified. What food do you see on the table?
Stan
Just bread...
Teabag
Really? Look to Jesus's right. [zooms in and pans to the lower left, then zooms in on an oval shape] The food which is a little different color than the others.
Kyle
It kind of looks like... an egg.
Teabag
Yes. The egg marks the secret. It lies directly in front of... [zooms out and a bright trace appears around the disciple behind the egg] Saint Peter.
Kyle
Who is Saint Peter?
Stan
He was the disciple that Jesus made into the first pope.
Teabag
Eggsactly. But there's something the Church didn't tell you. In actuality, Peter wasn't a man at all. Saint Peter... was a rabbit. [the boys say nothing for a few seconds]
Kyle
[flatly] Peter Rabbit.
Teabag
Of course, the Church wouldn't allow da Vinci to paint Peter as a rabbit, so he painted him as a man, but left clues. Look closely.
Kyle
I don't see it.
Teabag
Look closelier. [zooms in]
Stan
He looks like a guy.
Teabag
Look more closelier. [zooms in further, and a pair of rabbit ears appear on Peter's head] With laser technology we can look beneath the paint, the way da Vinci originally painted it. [Peter disappears from the picture and a rabbit appears next to the egg which was in front of Peter] That... is Saint Peter. [Stan jumps a bit] The original Pope of Christianity.
Kyle
I don't believe it.
Teabag
Proof is everywhere. Look at the Pope's hat. [a picture of Benedict XVI appears] It makes no sense, except that it was originally designed... [a picture of a rabbit slides in next to that of the pope, and Teabag moves the hat from the pope to the rabbit] for a rabbit.
Stan
[looks at the professor] But why would Jesus want a rabbit to run his church?
Teabag
Because Jesus knew no one man could speak for everyone in a religion. Men can be intolerant; rabbits are pure. But the Catholic Church buried the truth, put a man in charge, and the Hare Club For Men has been decorating eggs ever since to keep the secret in da Vinci's painting alive.
Kyle
So... the Vatican took Stan's dad?
The Vatican, night. Thunder and lightning roll through the sky. At St. Peter's Basilica, the Pope approaches one of the doors with a monk behind him. The Hare Club for Men is waiting to meet him
Pope Benedict
You dare to mock God by telling people St. Peter was a rabbit?
Randy
You monster! You have no right to wear that hat!
Pope Benedict
Trying to tell people that St. Peter was a rabbit is blasphemy! You must admit you are wrong or burn in hell!
Randy
It's saying stupid things like that that made Jesus wanna put a rabbit in charge.
Layman
I'm sorry I couldn't bring you the rabbit, Your Holiness, but they know where it is!
Pope Benedict
The rabbit you call Snowball is a threat to Christ's Church. Where is the rabbit?!
Randy
I don't know! And even if I did know... well, I'd probably tell you because I don't wanna be here anymore.
Layman
Take him to be tortured!
Pope Benedict
Tortured, huh, but Bill, all this... torturing and ninjas, it just doesn't seem very Christian.
Bill
[the layman] You asked for the help of the American Catholic League, let us do our job! Take him! [a cardinal and a ninja open the door, take Randy in, and escort him to his torture.]
Randy
No! No, you bunny-hating bastards! Don't do this!
Teabag's mansion. Stan and Kyle are still looking at the Last Supper. Stan turns around.
Stan
I don't get it. Why would the pope be holding my Dad hostage for Snowball?
Teabag
I believe Snowball must be a direct descendant of St. Peter himself, and therefor the true heir of the pope's throne. [the butler is shown polishing a steel vase as some ninjas make their way towards the study]
Butler
[notices some ninjas behind him] Mr. Teabag! Get out! [one of the ninjas runs his sword through the butler's head and out his face, killing him]
Stan
They found me!
Teabag
Boys, get out of here! [takes them to a window and opens it] Head to the woods! I'll try to buy you some time. [Stan and Kyle climb down the ladder he's prepared for them]
Bill
[off screen] Check upstairs! [the professor picks up a box of... PEEPS] Upstairs clear! Try the office! [Teabag takes the peeps to a microwave oven nearby and opens the oven's door. He puts the peeps in and sets the timer to 15 seconds. Behind him, two ninjas break into the study]
Ninja 1
In here! [Teabag closes his eyes]
Ninja 2
What's that? [the peeps begin to expand quickly and fill up the oven. Four seconds left, three, two, one...]
Ninja 1
PEEEEPS! [the oven explodes, spewing peeps everywhere and killing Teabag. Stan and Kyle are running away when they turn to see the whole mansion being destroyed by peep marshmallow]
Kyle
So what now?
Stan
If the pope has my Dad... I have to give him what he wants.
Kyle
You aren't just gonna hand Snowball over?
Stan
What choice do I have?! There's nobody left who can help us! [softly] Wait... unless... maybe there is. [hands Snowball to Kyle] Here, hold this. [walks some distance away from Kyle and prays] Jesus, I know we haven't talked in a long time, and I know that every time you appear we end up killing you somehow, but... I don't know what to do. And I could really use your help. [waits for a long time, then peeks with his right eye, then with both, but there's no sign of Jesus. He opens his eyes wide, as normal, and looks up. Kyle looks down at Snowball]
Kyle
I think the rabbit just crapped on my jacket.
A news special comes on: World News, Easter Vigil coverage.
Announcer
Live, from the Vatican, it's our Easter Vigil coverage.
Reporter
As Holy Saturday comes to an end, the Easter vigil at the Vatican begins. Thousand have turned out to hear the Pope and celebrate the Resurrection. [visitors whip out their cameras and take pictures] For this Easter vigil the Pope is also showing his divine grace by feeding the poor, with a massive rabbit stew. [two chefs stand atop ladders next to a huge cauldron, slicing up ingredients. Bill and a ninja bring in a bunny to toss into the cauldron]
Violet Hare
NOOO! Noo! No, don't put m- [he's thrown in and is boiled to death] AAAAAAAAAAH!
Pope Benedict
Bill, this seems extreme.
Bill
The child who has the rabbit has to know that we are willing to kill the hostages if he doesn't hand it over.
Italian Cardinal
Your Holiness, a child has arrived with a the rabbit!
Bill
Ya see? [the three leave to meet this boy]
St. Peter's Basilica. Stan and Kyle walk towards the alter with Snowball. Randy greets them as he's headed towards his torture
Randy
Oh thank God! Hand it over, Stan! They're gonna kill me! Give them the rabbit!
Pope Benedict
Yes, hand it over!
Stan
First, you have to promise you won't hurt it! And that you'll let everybody go!
Pope Benedict
We promise.
Bill
We swear it, on the cross.
Randy
Just hand over the bunny, Stan!
Stan
Okay, fine. [a cardinal takes Snowball from Stan, and Randy is released]
Randy
[reaching his son] Stanley, why did you do that? I would have proudly died for that rabbit.
Stan
You said "hand over the bunny."
Randy
No! That is not the way we're remembering it!
Bill
Take them into custody! [ninjas come in and put cuffs on Randy and the boys]
Stan
Hey, what the hell!
Pope Benedict
Bill, we have zeh rabbit, it's all we need.
Bill
Don't be soft, Your Holiness! These "whores" must be punished in front of everyone!
Kyle
You swore on the cross, fatso!
Bill
Yeah. Too bad for you... it was a double cross! [cackles]
Randy
Oh, we should've seen that coming!
Pope Benedict
Bill, I'm not sure that double-crossing people is very Christian.
Bill
It is what Christ would've wanted!
Jesus
[off-screen] Who are you to say that?! [the clerics look surprised. Jesus approaches them from the entrance of the basilica]
Pope Benedict
It... can't be.
Stan, Kyle
Jesus! [as Jesus walks, clergymen genuflect and bow to him]
Singer
He is risen. He is risen. Let the voices sing his praises on this holy day. He is risen!
Cardinal
Jesus, we thought you died. In Iraq.
Jesus
I have the power of resurrection. Or have you forgotten? You all seem to have forgotten a lot of things.
Stan
Jesus, you did answer my prayer! [grins]
Jesus
Actually, I was answering the prayer of Nick Donovan.
Purple Hare 2
Ohh, that's me Neato!
Jesus
This is exactly why I put a rabbit in charge of the Church, Benedictus! Because men are so easily led astray. St. Peter was a rabbit. And a rabbit should be Pope.
Bill
Kill him!
Pope Benedict
What?!
Bill
He goes against the Church. He must die!
Pope Benedict
All right, that does it, Bill. I'm pretty sure that killing Jesus is not very Christian.
Bill
You are soft! Weak! You leave me no choice: take them! [two ninjas apprehend Jesus]
Jesus
What are you doing?! [two others arrest Benedict]
Pope Benedict
I am the Pope!
Bill
You are no longer able to fulfill your duties to the Lord! [removes the papal tiara and places it on his own head] The Easter vigil will go on as planned! [walks to a clear spot with Snowball, so all could see.] Every Hare Club member, young and old, will watch as their precious savior dies!
Jesus
What is your problem, guy?!
Bill
Lock up those two Jews! [referring to Kyle and Jesus] We'll deal with them later.
Stan
No! No! [Stan and Randy are taken away in one direction, Kyle and Jesus in another, Benedict in still another]
Easter Vigil coverage continues.
Reporter
A strange turn of events here at the Vatican: Pope Benedictus has stepped down, ushering the new era of... Pope Bill Donohue
The platform outside St. Peter's, moments later. Bill presides over the rabbit stew.
Bill
My people! This Easter I'm gonna start by making our rabbit stew ten times meatier! [the crowds cheer loudly]
Randy
No! Listen! We aren't rabbits! [a ninja punches him in the stomach] Oof.
A dungeon cell. Jesus and Kyle are in it. Jesus has a file in his right hand and is furiously sawing away at a chain by the cell's entrance. Across the hall from him is Benedict XVI in his own cell.
Pope Benedict
Forgive me, Jesus.
Jesus
We'll never get out in time to stop him!
Kyle
Don't you have any superpowers?
Jesus
[throws the file away] Not as a mortal. Only in death. Wait. That's it. We have no choice, Kyle. You're going to have to kill me.
Kyle
What?
Jesus
Stab me with this. [brings out a small dagger] If I die I can resurrect outside the bars.
Kyle
N-no way! Do it yourself.
Jesus
Suicide is blasphemy. There's no choice here, Kyle!
Kyle
Dude, you don't understand, I'm a Jew. I have a few hang ups about killing Jesus.
Jesus
Just make it quick. [kneels down and hands the dagger to Kyle] Through the neck. I'll arise again immediately.
Kyle
[looks at the dagger in dismay] Don't make me do this.
Jesus
My son, there is no time! Do it!
Kyle
Eric Cartman can never know about this.
Jesus
I understand. And Kyle, happy Easter.
Kyle
Happy Easter, Jesus. [stabs Jesus in the neck, as ordered]
Jesus
Awgh! [walks around for a few seconds, groaning and shedding blood here and there. He falls forward and his halo rolls away with a metallic "clink"]
Kyle
...Jesus?
Back at the platform, Bill continues his speech.
Bill
Behold, no longer will Easter be about bunnies and colored eggs! Kill the rabbit! [a cardinal holds Snowball over the cauldron]
Cardinal
Sorry, little bunny.
Stan
Snowball! [now dressed in rabbits ears and snout like Randy. A bright light appears near one of the obelisks in the center of the piazza, and Jesus' figure appears in the light. The light fades and Jesus is all alone. The crowd oohs and aahs]
Tourist
Jesus?
Jesus
Stop! That rabbit is of holy descent!
Bill
Why won't you go away?!
Jesus
One man cannot be the voice of the Church!
Bill
Enough of this blasphemy! I'm the Pope now! That means I am the voice of God!
Jesus
Not anymore. I'm removing you from your position. [brings out a black and yellow glaive, then presses a button in the middle to release the blades, as in a switchblade. He throws it towards Bill, who runs from it. It levels off and slices through Bill's midsection and returns to Jesus. Jesus strikes a pose and catches it with his right hand. The blades disappear into their sheaths. Jesus brings out some sunglasses with his left hand and puts them on, still maintaining the dramatic pose.]
Crowd
YAAAY!
Stan
All right Jesus!
St. Peter's Basilica, day. The sun is bright and the sky is blue, the basilica is decked out with streamers and Easter wreaths. White smoke rises above and behind the basilica, indicating a new pope
Crowd

Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.

Cardinal
Your Holiness, what should we tell the world about how to run their lives? [Snowball now sits on the papal throne. Snowball, having no human vocal cords, says nothing] It isn't saying anything.
Italian Cardinal
Yes, just as a-Jesus intended it.
Randy
Stanley, I'm so proud of you. You've learned so very much this Easter.
Stan
Yeah. I've learned not to ask questions. Just dye the eggs and keep my mouth shut.
Randy
That's my boy.
Crowd

[in the background] In suspiratoreum, lepus in re sanctum.
Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.

复活节惊魂 结束
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