機甲史翠珊/劇本

梗概

冷知識

圖冊

劇本

在線觀看

隆鼻手術

機甲史翠珊/劇本

卡特曼的蕩婦媽

出場角色

• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Eric Cartman
• Kenny McCormick
• Mr. Garrison
• Barbra Streisand
• Leonard Maltin
• Sidney Poitier
• Tiny twin Japanese princesses
• Robert Smith
• Dave, the anchor
• Reporter
• Quadriplegic Swiss Man on a Pony
• Anthropologist
• Ike Broflovski
• Milo
• Singer
• Sheila Broflovski
• Chef
• Director
• Officer Barbrady

劇本

機甲史翠珊
	Southwest Colorado, Site B. The kids are on a field trip
Anthropologist	...And so, these ancient arrowheads are buried deep down in the earth's crust. We dig them up, polish them off, and find over twelve new arrowheads every month.
Cartman	Boooriing.
	The class laughs.
Mr. Garrison	Eric, keep quiet. I'm trying to sleep.
	Under the morning edition of the ROCKY MTN. NEWS, with Mr. Hankey as the lead story.
Anthropologist	Now, can anybody tell me, who left these arrowheads here?
Stan	Isn't that your job?
Anthropologist	Well... yes, but I want to see if you're learning anything.
Stan	Oooh.
Anthropologist	Okay, I tell you what. Why don't we all grab our little anthropology pickaxes - that were handed out and we wuh dig for our very own Indian arrowheads.
	The class cheers, scatters, get some pickaxes and start picking away at the site.
Cartman	Day is never finished, Massa got me working Someday Massa set me free...
Stan	Dude. Shut up, Cartman.
Pip	Oh! Oh I think I found one!
	Reaching down for an arrowhead.
	Cartman takes notice.
Cartman	No, I found it.
Pip	Oh. I do believe I found it first.
Cartman	No, I did, Pip.
Pip	Oh dear.
Cartman	Well, I guess we'll have to ro-sham-bo for it.
Pip	What do you mean?
Cartman	Well. First I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can, then you kick me in the nuts as hard as you can, and we keep going back and forth until somebody falls. The last one standing gets the arrowhead.
Pip	Oh. By, weh. I suppose if I must.
Cartman	Okay, ready? I'll go first.
	Cartman back up, then runs at Pip, and kicks him in the nuts. Pip goes down in pain. The other kids laugh.
Pip	Well-uh I, I guess you win.
Cartman	Huh I don't care. You can have this stupid arrowhead, I don't want it.
	Tosses it back to Pip. The kids resume digging.
Cartman	Day is never finished, Massa got me working... Oh, look, I found another one.
	He looks it over.
Cartman	Ooh, this is just a stupid triangle!
	He tosses this one away, as well. It lands before Kyle.
Kyle	Whoa. Check it out, dude.
	Kyle picks up the triangle.
Kyle	It's got little drawings on it.
	Stan comes over to check it out.
Stan	What is it?
Kyle	I don't know.
	The triangle flickers, then glows for a moment.
Stan	Whoa!
Kyle	That was cool!
	Cartman rushes over.
Cartman	Eeyy! Give me that back!
Kyle	You threw it away, Cartman! It's mine now.
Cartman	We'll ro-sham-bo for it!
Kyle	No way, fatty, it's mine!
Cartman	ANTHROPOLOGIST!
Anthropologist	[Strolling over.] How's it going, boys?
Cartman	I found a magic triangle, and this greedy son of a bitch took it from me!
Kyle	You threw it away, fatso!
Anthropologist	Hm, let me see that. [Examines it.] Why, this is Anasazi writing! My God, this must be thousands of years old!
Cartman	[To Kyle.] Come on, let me kick you in the nuts for it!
	Kyle takes the triangle from the anthropologist and walks away.
	News 4, Special Report.
Anchor	...and finally tonight, a young boy from South Park, Colorado found something very interesting during a field trip today. Here with a special report is a quadriplegic Swiss man on a pony.
Quadriplegic Swiss man	Thanks, Tom, the little eight year old was very shocked indeed when he came across a very ancient triangular object.
Kyle	Well, I was just digging around, and I was all like, 'dude, I found this triangle' and my friends were like, 'dude' and I was all like 'dude.'
Cartman	...and I told him. I said, 'Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts.' But he didn't give it back to me. So I kicked him square - in the nuts, and he cried - like Nancy Kerrigan!
Kyle	[Off camera,] You liar, Cartman!
Cartman	Screw you, triangle thief!
Quadriplegic Swiss man	And so, the little boy will take his discovery home and perhaps donate it to science... mwell a little later. Back to you, Dave.
Dave	Thanks Tom. Those are some cute, cute kids, except for that last one-he's a little tubby.
	Cartman pops up before the camera.
Cartman	Eeyy!
	Kyle's house. The boys have returned from their trip.
Stan	What are you going to do with it, dude?
Kyle	I'm going to put it in my room, where Cartman can't find it.
Cartman	Oh I'll find it, don't worry!
	Kyle enters his room and closes the door. Cartman rushes up to it and jumps on the door knob.
Cartman	God - dammit, give me my triangle, Kyle, seriously.
Stan	You did throw it away, Cartman.
Cartman	I was just setting it aside.
Stan	Well, you might as well let it go.
Cartman	Never! I'll get that triangle if it's the last thing I do!
	School cafeteria. Chef is preparing a dish.
Chef	Give me a little bit of that pepper Give me a little bit of that salt Put it in the skillet and cook it...
Leonard Maltin	Excuse me, sir...
Chef	Can I help-ey, you're that movie critic - guy on TV.
Leonard Maltin	Leonard Maltin, yes.
Chef	Well, I'll be a teenage girl backstage at an Aerosmith concert. Leonard Maltin in my cafeteria. I'm Chef.
Leonard Maltin	I know who you are. You must listen to me, Chef. We have precious little time. Have you seen Barbra Streisand recently?
Chef	Barbra Streisand? You mean like, the Barbra Streisand?
Leonard Maltin	Have you seen her?!
Chef	No. Not since Yentl.
Leonard Maltin	Thank God. Then I'm not too late.
Chef	Too late for what?
Leonard Maltin	Chef, it is of the utmost importance that you tell me where those little boys from the news report on TV are.
Chef	Why do you care?
	The bus stop. Stan and Kyle are working on a snowman as Cartman and Kenny watch.
Stan	I have a button we can use for his nose.
Kenny	(Yeah, and I got this nice marble sack to go with this carrot stick, see?)
Kyle	What would we use a marble sack for?
Cartman	Be careful where you put that carrot. Kyle might steal it.
Kyle	I didn't steal anything.
	Cartman looks away so as to not see Kyle.
Cartman	Stan, would you tell Kyle that I'm not speaking with him?
Kyle	Good!
	Kyle looks back as helicopter blades are heard.
Cartman	What's that noise?
	A pink helicopter descends.
Kyle	Whoa!
Cartman	Aaah! Aliens!
	Cartman covers his butt. The helicopter lands, the door opens, and Barbra Streisand appears.
Barbra Streisand	Who is the boy I saw on the news report tonight?
	Stan and Kenny point at Kyle.
Barbra Streisand	Hello there, little boy. Do you know who I am?
Kyle	No.
Barbra Streisand	Ugh. I bet you do.}} I'm going-
Kyle	Aagh! Stop that!
Barbra Streisand	-where there's lucky clovers in the f-
Stan	Ow, that sucks, dude!
Barbra Streisand	I'm Barbra Streisand!
Stan	...so?
Barbra Streisand	So?! Uh muh, so I'm a very famous and very important individual.
Stan	Like John Elway important?
Barbra Streisand	What?!
Stan	D'you know John Elway?
Barbra Streisand	No!
Stan	Oh, so you're really famous and important but you don't know John Elway!
Barbra Streisand	Ugh. Look. Little boy, I understand that you found a neat little triangle near here, you know what I'm talking about?
Kyle	Yyeeaahh.
Cartman	No! I found it, he stole it!
Kyle	You threw it away, Cartman!
Cartman	I'm not talking to him, because he's a dirty thief.
Barbra Streisand	Well, little boy, does the triangle have a symbol of two snakes joined at the middle?
Kyle	Yeah. How'd you know?
Barbra Streisand	Okay, now this is very important. Where is the triangle of Zinthar now?
Kyle	Triangle of Zinthar?
Stan	Why do you wanta know, lady?!
Barbra Streisand	I'm not talking to you, you piss-ant little hick!
Stan	Whoa, dude!
Barbra Streisand	Where is the triangle, dammit?!
	She picks up Kyle by the throat.
Kyle	AAAAAA!
	Barbra drops Kyle as Officer Barbrady approaches.
Officer Barbrady	What seems to be the problemo here?
Barbra Streisand	Problemo? Huh, There's no problemo, Officer. I was just introducing myself to these charming little boys.
Cartman	Na-ah! She's being a total bitch!
Officer Barbrady	Boys, shouldn't you be in school?
Stan	It's Saturday.
Officer Barbrady	No excuses, move along, you little troublemakers!
	The boys leave. Kyle lucked out.
	Barbra faces Officer Barbrady.
Barbra Streisand	...Well?!
Officer Barbrady	Well what?
Barbra Streisand	You know who I am, don't you?
Officer Barbrady	Well, you ain't Fiona Apple, and if you ain't Fiona Apple, I don't give a rat's ass!
Barbra Streisand	Waaaaaaah!
	She leaves in a huff.
Officer Barbrady	Hoh, what a bitch!
	Kyle's house. Chef and Leonard Maltin are at the door
	Chef rings the bell and knocks.
Chef	I guess he's not home, Leonard Maltin.
Leonard Maltin	Damn! Then we must look for them elsewhere.
Chef	Come on, man. What is this all about?
Leonard Maltin	If Barbra Streisand saw the same report I did, then those boys are in grave danger. If you were Barbra Streisand, where would you be right now?
Chef	Hmmm.
	A picture of Tom's Rhinoplasty pops into his head.
Leonard Maltin	Nono! I mean, where would she be staying?
Chef	Oh. Uh, well, I always heard that Ms. Streisand had her own $4 million condominium - up near the ski slope.
Leonard Maltin	Where?
Chef	Uh I don't know. Ih-ih it was just a rumor.
Leonard Maltin	Dammit man, where's your car?!
	Barbra Streisand's four million dollar condo in the mountains.
Barbra Streisand	He has it, Milo. That little bastard has the triangle.
Milo	Are you sure?
Barbra Streisand	I'm sure! He knew about the symbol of Krewluck!
Milo	Then why don't we go get it?
Barbra Streisand	A cop showed up - he's a clever one - I can't blow everything now that I'm this close. Everything must be handled very carefully.
	She goes to some bookshelves and pulls on a book, on the top of which is a secret button. She presses the button and the shelf rotates to reveal a pedestal with two holders. One triangle is already in one holder, the other one is still alone.
Barbra Streisand	How many years has it been, Milo? Thirty? Forty? For so long I have waited to find the other triangle, and now I am so close. The Dawn of Zinthar is close at hand!
	She laughs rather hysterically.
	Kyle's bedroom. He's asleep. A model of the solar system, a picture of him and his elephant, and the Triangle of Zinthar can be seen on his dresser. The camera pans up to see a saw cutting through the ceiling. The hole is made and the cut piece is pushed unto the floor. Kyle flinches and turns around, now facing the wall. A rope comes down and footfalls are heard. Kyle adjusts himself. A pair of eyes looks around and sees the triangle, then Kyle, then back to the triangle. The eyes approach and two hands reach out to grab the triangle.
Ike	Cokeshen.
	Cartman is distracted, knocking down the picture, waking up Kyle.
Kyle	Cartman?
Cartman	[Revealing himself.] You scared the crap out of me, Ike!
Kyle	What the hell are you doing?!
Cartman	I'm trying to get my tri- wait a minute, I'm not talking to you. Ike, will you tell Kyle that I was trying to get my triangle back?
Ike	Rear trohtru badt.
Kyle	Well, Ike. You can tell Cartman that it's my triangle!
Ike	Cookeh monter.
Cartman	Well, you can tell Kyle that he's a dirty goddamn son of a bitch!!
Ike	Ahtoahtahneurah.
	Kyle gets out of bed.
Kyle	Alright, alright! If it means that much to you, take the stupid triangle!
Cartman	Huh?!
Kyle	If it'll make you leave me alone, then just take the damned thing! Here!
	Kyle hands him the triangle.
Kyle	There. Now, get out of my house! And I hope you feel really, really good about yourself!
	Cartman looks at the triangle.
Cartman	Hell, yeah I do, I got the triangle. I got the triangle, I got the triangle, dee dun dee dun
	He backs up and goes out the door. Kyle goes back to sleep. Meanwhile, in Chef's Town and Country, He and Maltin are driving around.
Leonard Maltin	Are you sure Barbra Streisand has a condo up here?
Chef	It was just a rumor. A lot of big celebrities have mountain condos.
Leonard Maltin	Then we've got to keep looking.
Chef	[Braking hard.] Alright. Leonard Maltin, this has gone far enough! I ain't drivin' another mile until you tell me what this is all about!
Leonard Maltin	Haven't you ever been curious about the insanity Barbra Streisand exhibits?
Chef	Well, I always heard she was kind of a bitch, but-.
Leonard Maltin	More than a bitch! She's a calculating, self-centered egotistical bitch! She was born in a small town, her mother was a jackal, and her father was an insurance salesman.
Chef	Woohoohoohoo. An insurance salesman?
Leonard Maltin	When she was five, she knew that she wanted to be a famous singer, but by the time she was six, her ambitions became to rule the universe. She learned of an ancient diamond, the Diamond of Pantheos.
Chef	Okay. You know what? Never mind, I don't need to know all this!
	Starts up the station wagon.
Chef	Forget I asked!
Leonard Maltin	Before she was seven the keepers of Pantheos learned of this insane little girl's wish. The diamond was split up, and buried at opposite ends of the world. But then, during the shooting of My Fair Lady, Barbra Streisand found one of the triangles.
Chef	And the other triangle is the one that little Kyle has?
Leonard Maltin	Yes, Mr. Chef. If Babs gets a hold of that other triangle, she will fulfill her prophecy, and become the most threatening thing ever known to mankind. Mecha-Streisand!
Chef	Mega-Streisand? Oh, man, I don't know what the hell that means, but it doesn't sound good.
	The bus stop, Monday.
Stan	Man, the bus sure is late.
Cartman	Hmmm. I wonder what I should do with my triangle, now that it is mmyy triangle.
Kyle	Dammit Cartman! I gave it to you so you would shut... up.
	Barbra Streisand pulls up in her car wearing a Groucho Marx face mask, and steps out.
Barbra Streisand	Oh, hello there, little boys. How are you today?
Stan	Fine.
Barbra Streisand	That is great. My name is Mrs. Jones, and I am a very friendly, nice person.
	The four boys stand silent.
Barbra Streisand	I hear that one of you found my triangle.
Kyle	Your triangle?
Barbra Streisand	Yes. You see, that triangle is part of my kidney dialysis machine. I'm so glad you found it, because without it I was sure to die within hours.
Cartman	Oh no you don't! Finders Keepers!
Barbra Streisand	But I'll die.
Cartman	Well, I guess we'll have to ro-sham-bo for it. I'll kick you in the nuts as hard as I can, then you kick me square in the nuts as hard as you can...
Barbra Streisand	I want to give you a big cash reward for finding it. It's worth a lot of money to me.
Cartman	It is?
Stan	Hey, no wonder that Barbra Streisand lady wanted it.
Barbra Streisand	Oooh, hahahah. Who is that?
Kyle	Oh, just this really really old lady who wishes she was still only 45.
	The boys laugh and Barbra seethes.
Stan	Yeah, and you should have seen her nose. It was big enough to land stealth bombers on.
	The boys laugh again and Barbra gets angrier.
Cartman	Yeeh, stealth bombers.
	The boys laughs some more.
Cartman	Yeah, and talk about a bitch, I haven't seen-
Barbra Streisand	ENOUGH!!
	The boys are suddenly horrified.
Barbra Streisand	Oh, Haa-ha. Anyway, if you'll come with me in my car, I'll take you up to my condo where I'll kill you - I I mean-uh, uh give you - money - for the triangle.
Cartman	Sweet! I'm gonna be rich. Bet you wish you hadn't given me that triangle back now, huh, Kyle? Dumbass!
	Heads for the car.
Kyle	Wait. Isn't there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?
Cartman	No, not when money is involved, stupid!
	The kids climb into her car and Barbra revs it up.
	Fanfare. Hollywood, at Direct to Video Studios.
Director	And. Action!
Sidney Poitier	[To Sally Struthers.] Rebecca, I'm a man. A man like any other with dreams and emotions. And that's why I'll never put a foreign object up my ass.
Director	Cut, great, print that. Excellent work, Sid. Take five, guys, let's set up for the next shot.
	Sidney heads for his dressing room, enters, and heads for the mirror.
	A clam shell opens up revealing two tiny princesses.
Princesses	Hello.
Sidney Poitier	Huh?
Princesses	You must hurry! A young man has found the Triangle of Zinthar.
Sidney Poitier	Where?
Princesses	At a small piss-ant white-bread mountain town in Colorado called South Park.
Sidney Poitier	Excellent!
	Back at Barbra's condo.
Barbra Streisand	Eh. Soon, the triangle of Zinthar will be mine, and I will be the biggest, most famous person ever!
	Cartman is strapped to a rack, the others hang from chains.
Cartman	Ugh. Let me go! Seriously!
Stan	Yeah, let us go!
Barbra Streisand	You fools have no idea the powers that you are meddling with! I'll teach you to meddle with my triangle!
	Pulls the lever next to her.
	The ropes start to tighten on the rack.
Cartman	Eey! It's not my triangle, it's Kyle's!
Kyle	Hey! Don't try to pass it back on me, fat-ass!
Cartman	Eechh! Screw you, hippie! Eeeh-eh.
Barbra Streisand	Wheeere is the triangle of Zinthar?!
Cartman	I don't remember.
Kyle	Goddammit tell her! I wanna go home!
Barbra Streisand	[Slowly.] Maybe this will help jar your memory...
Cartman	No! Don't!
	She starts singing again and the kids scream with pain.
Cartman	AAAAAA! AAAAADUH!
Barbra Streisand	NOOOW do you remember?!
Cartman	WAAAGH! Damn your black heart, Barbra Streisand!
Stan	Ugh. I don't know how much more I can take, dude.
Barbra Streisand	Alright. You asked for it! I'm gonna tell you now...
	The boys resume their screaming.
	Chef's Town and Country. Still looking...
Chef	Eeeeh-I don't know, man. Maybe Barbra Streisand doesn't have a place up here after all.
Leonard Maltin	Well, looks like we'll have to go to plan B.
Chef	There's a plan B? Why the hell have we been driving around all night and day for, when there's a plan B.
Leonard Maltin	Have you ever heard of the band called, The Cure?
Chef	Ooh, come oonn! Don't tell me The Cure has something to do with this too!
Leonard Maltin	No, no. Just the lead singer. [He starts convulsing.] Oh! Ah!
Chef	Who-o-oa! What's the matter, Leonard Maltin?
Leonard Maltin	She's close! She's very close-I can feel her.
Chef	Where?
Leonard Maltin	Sh-She has the boys! The, they're in trouble!
Chef	Ooh, fudge!
Leonard Maltin	Keep going this way! Hurry!
	They round a bend and disappear.
	The condo.
Barbra Streisand	Happiness with you is like happiness...
	The boys are still screaming.
Cartman	Okay, okay. I'll tell where the triangle is, it's inside my shoe.
	Milo approaches and removes Cartman's right shoe.
Kyle	Aagh! For Christ's sake, Cartman, when was the last time you changed your socks?
Cartman	I suppose your socks smell like the Botanical Gardens!
	Milo hands the triangle to Barbra.
Barbra Streisand	Finally, the triangle is mine! After centuries of waiting, I finally have the triangle of Zinthar! Now, the Diamond of Pantheos is complete.
	Barbra joins the triangles and the resulting diamond begins to spin and glow.
Barbra Streisand	Sugoi! Kono ima... atarashii hajimari da! Ima kara... atashi no na mae wa... (Wow! This is... a new beginning! From now on... my name will be...)
	A strobe flash goes off when the diamond reaches the height of its brilliance, and the pedestal the diamonds were on shines very brightly thereafter.
Stan	Whoa, dude!
	Flashes of light continue to escape the diamond, and Barbra beings to transform.
Barbra Streisand	...Mecha... Barbura... Sutoraisando!
	She grows as she transforms, breaking through the roof, then lets out a roar and leaves her condo as a giant mechanical lizard.
Stan	Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
	South Park. Mecha Streisand arrives.
Jimbo	Holy crap, Ned! That's the biggest Goddamned deer I have ever seen!
Reporter	...and so, just weeks after the devastating attack of mutant genetic creatures, zombies, and Thanksgiving turkeys, the town of South Park has managed to rebuild itself, once again be-
	Mecha Streisand appears behind him, holding a car, and lets out a roar as she devours it.
Reporter	Oh, Goddammit, not again!
	She rips the roof off the new Sushi Bar.
Singer	Bar-bura, Bar-bura... [she crushes the sushi bar with her foot] ...kirai no hito. (you are so hateful) [She steps off the sushi bar. The Mayor is watching from her window across the street] Bar-bura, Bar-bura... [Mecha Streisand throws the roof away, then rips the roof off the building next to it, grabs two people, but drops one of them] ...anata no hi. (today is your day) [The Mayor looks on, mortified. Her door opens]
Assistant	Mayor! Barbra Streisand is-
Mayor	I noticed! Call the National Guard!
	Her assistant leaves as Mecha Streisand roars again.
Mayor	Ohohohoh, we'll get you, you bitch.
	Mecha Streisand grabs the building and shakes the people out of it.
Mayor	And to think I actually watched your HBO special.
	The condo. Chef and Leonard Maltin arrive.
Chef	Children!
The boys	Chef!
	Leonard Maltin notices the gaping hole in the ceiling.
Leonard Maltin	Oh no! No! She has joined the two triangles?
Cartman	Yes! She stole my triangle!
Stan	Get us down from here!
	Chef tries to remove the chains from Stan's wrists.
Chef	I can't - break these - locks!
Leonard Maltin	Stand back, Chef!
	Chef stands back as Leonard Maltin does a few martial arts moves.
Leonard Maltin	Marutam Re!
	His eyes send out laser beams. He first frees Stan and Kyle, then Cartman and Kenny.
Kyle	Whoa, that was cool!
Leonard Maltin	I've got to go after Mecha Streisand! Chef, I need you to call Robert Smith of The Cure at this number!
Stan	Robert Smith? Sweet!
	A studio. Robert Smith picks up the phone.
Robert Smith	Hello?
Chef	Uuuh, yes. Is this Robert Smith of the Cure?
Robert Smith	Yes i' is.
Chef	This may sound kind of strange, but... Leonard Maltin asked me to call you.
Robert Smith	Ooooooh so Barbra Streisand's found the other triangle, eh?
	Chef is stunned.
	South Park. Looks pretty devastated. The National Guard is pulling in.
Sergeant	All right, men, give 'er everything you've got!
	Mecha Streisand roars down at them, and they fire rockets at her from all around, to no effect. Helicopters surround her and fire away. Jimbo and Ned are in one of them, with Ned piloting.
Jimbo	Get around th' side there, Ned. I can't get a shot in from here.
	Ned circles around to her face.
Ned	Okay. Aah! aah! I'm scaared!
	Jimbo fires a shoulder rocket, but it just bounces off her shoulder. She rears back and swats Their helicopter out of the sky. The other helicopters scatter.
Singer	Bar-bura, Bar-bura, ugoina chichi da. (Barbra, Barbra, those tits are wonderful)
Sergeant	[To his commander.] It's no use! Our firepower has no effect!
Sheila	Oh my God, it is you! Oh, I am such a huge fan, Ms. Streisand. I never thought I'd live to see you in person!
	Mecha Streisand roars back.
Sheila	I hate to ask this, but could I get an autograph? My sister would die.
	Mecha Streisand roars assent and stoops to sign the autograph book.
Sheila	Oh thank you, Ms. Streisand!
	Mecha Streisand roars in triumph and rounds a corner. Everybody runs.
Citizen	Oh my Goooodd! [Amid screams.]
Mr. Garrison	We're doomed! Good-bye, Mr. Hat.
Singer	Bar-bura, Bar-bura!
	She stops before Leonard Maltin.
Leonard Maltin	Barbra!
	She steps back surprised, then roars.
Leonard Maltin	Kitte, Kitte. Churipu. (Come, come. Tulip!)
	Leonard Maltin begins to transform.
Singer	Ultura Lenardu Marutin!
	Lenardu Marutin shows off some moves. Mecha Streisand respnds by kicking away the ushi bar. Chef and the boys arrive just after that. Lenardu Marutin grabs the building next to the bar and hits her with it, causing her to fall back.
Chef	Look out, children!
	Townspeople run by, then the boys scream and scatter. Jimbo's Guns lands where they were standing. Mecha Streisand kicks Lenardu Marutin in the groin and he lands on his back, but Chef and the boys have to scatter again before he does. Stan and Kyle regroup and look at the scene, but Kyle turns around for some reason. Kenny is seen running towards a tetherball. He hits it with his left hand. It swings around and swoops him up.
Kenny	(Oh no! I have got to stay away fro-aaagh!)
	Kenny dies strangled by the tether-ball.
Kenny	(Ugh!)
Stan	Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle	You bastard!
	Sidney Poitier flies in like Superman and lands next to Chef.
Sidney Poitier	What's going on here?
Chef	Sidney Poitier?
Sidney Poitier	That's right. I'm Sidney Poitier.
Chef	Damn, man, it's nice to meet you! Seein' Sidney Poitier in my hometown!
Sidney Poitier	Barbra Streisand has found the triangle of Zinthar?
Chef	Yeup! She's made the Diamond of Pantheos alright.
Sidney Poitier	Kolooh kulatchki!
	Sidney Poitier begins transforming.
Singer	Megara Poatia, Megara Poatia, sokuroi da ne. (Megara Poatia Megara Poatia. Look, how black you are.) [Megara Poatia takes off and spins towards Mecha Streisand.] Megara Poatia, Megara Poatia-
Chef	[Annoyed.] Is that really necessary?
	Mecha Streisand fends off Lenardu Marutin, then picks up Megara Poatia and twirls him around in an airplane move and throws him onto a mountain. He bounces over the top and away. The boys are shocked. Lenardu Marutin fixes his gaze on her, but she blocks it with her right hand. She then breathes a plasma blast at him, which lands hard and knocks him onto his back.
Chef	It's over. She's too strong for them, children. We'll have to leave town.
Cartman	Make it go away! I hate Barbra Streisand! I hate her!
	Cartman covers his eyes.
Stan	My mom always said there were no monsters, but there are, aren't there, Chef?
Chef	We have to say good-bye... to South Park.
Woman	Oh my Goooood, help meeee!
	Mecha Streisand is tearing up the town, ripping apart some buildings, stomping on others...
Robert Smith	Am I too late?
Chef	[Irritated.] Who are you?
Stan	Dude! Robert Smith of the Cure!
Cartman	Sweet!
Robert Smith	Here, you boys hold this walkie, you can help me fight her.
Chef	You can try, Robert Smith, but that thing just beat the crap out of Leonard Maltin and Sidney Poitier.
Robert Smith	I have to try. I can't let Barbra Streisand do this to the entire world.
	Robert Smith begins transformation into a giant moth.
Singer	Rabartu Smitu, Rabartu Smitu, tashiwa daisuki Rabartu Smitu. (Robert Smith, Robert Smith, I like you a lot, Robert Smith)
	Mecha Streisand heads for a gas station with a dinosaur for its symbol, but Rabartu Smitu comes up fast behind her. She notices. He shrieks at her, she covers her ears, and skyscrapers all around lose their windows. She responds with her own shrieks, and he covers his ears. More skyscrapers lose their windows.
Leonard Maltin	[Back to normal.] We must tell him that her weak point is the nose.
Stan	[Into the walkie.] Robert Smith, hit her nose. Use Robot Punch.
	Rabartu Smitu looks at him and acknowledges the command by lefting the right-hand index and pinky fingers. Mecha Streisand tears apart some power lines and prepares to electrocute him, but he launches his fist. It hits her square on the nose and a diamond falls out, which lands in fron of Kyle.
Kyle	The Diamond of Pantheos. [Looks at Stan.] She must be powerless now.
Stan	[Into the walkie.] Quickly, Robert Smith! She's powerless!
Singer	Rabartu Smitu, Rabartu Smitu!
	Chef looks at him more annoyed than before. Rabartu Smitu maneuvers Mecha Streisand around and grabs her by the tail. After some airplane spins he launches her into outer space. An electrical overload occurs and she blows up into millions of pieces. The fireworks can be seen from the town and the townspeople cheer up and down.
Stan	He did it!
Kyle	No more Barbra Streisand, everrrrr!
Stan	Wow! Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!
Jesus	Our Savior!
	Robert Smith transforms back to normal.
Robert Smith	Can I have my walkie-talkie back now, please?
Cartman	No way! You gave it to us-it's mine now!
Robert Smith	Alright, I'll ro-sham-bo you for it. Ready?
Cartman	Huh?
	Cartman gets a kick in the groin and falls. Robert Smith moves aside.
Cartman	Eh. Aaah-ah! Aaah!
	Robert Smith walks towards the sunset as Japanese music plays, apparently without the walkie-talkie.
Chef	Hey! Where's he goin'?
Stan	Good-bye, Robert Smith!
Cartman	Thanks for your help! Visit us again!
Kyle	Disintegration is the best album everrr!
	Kyle's house.
Stan	Well, what should we do with the two triangles now?
Kyle	We've got to get rid of them.
	Kyle heads for a small trash can next to the coffee table.
Kyle	Nobody should have the kind of power Barbra Streisand wanted!
	He tosses the triangles in.
Stan	Well, at least I have this sweet walkie-talkie Robert Smith gave me.
	Cartman reaches over.
Cartman	No! That's my walkie-talkie, he gave it to me!
Kyle	Dammit Cartman, don't you ever learn anything?!
	Stan turns left and walks to the door.
Cartman	Come on, Stan, it's mine! I'll ro-sham-bo you for it!
	Ike, seeing what Kyle had thrown in, reaches the trash can and jumps in.
Stan	Go to hell, Cartman!
	In front of the house.
Kyle	Well, that whole experience sure did suck.
Stan	Yeah. I'm sure glad that's over with.
Kyle	But you know, I've learned something today. I've learned that people who want power, a lot of power, always... end up dead.
Stan	Yeah.
Cartman	Yeah, and I've learned something, too. Robert Smith kicks ass!
	The steps of a giant are heard and the kids grow fearful
Cartman	Oh no! She's back!
Stan	Oh my God! Look!
	The camera reveals a giant Ike coming out from behind the house.
All three	AAAAA! MECHA IKE!
機甲史翠珊 結束