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Leftarrow 麻烟风云 滑板车惊魂/剧本 至肃时刻 Rightarrow

出场角色

  • Cartman
  • Kyle
  • Stan
  • Kenny, Adult Kenny
  • Butters
  • Clyde
  • Craig
  • Token
  • Wendy
  • Mr. Mackey
  • Randy and Sharon Marsh
  • Stephen and Linda Stotch
  • Gerald Broflovski
  • Jimbo
  • Sgt. Yates, Officer Brown, other Officers
  • Townsfolk
  • Food 4 Little Associate
  • Guard
  • Lolly
  • Neighbors
  • Reporter
  • Scooter Riders

剧本

滑板车惊魂
An October afternoon in South Park. An adult narrates this story. We learn quickly that it is Kenny narrating.
Adult Kenny
October was always my favorite month. [Stan and Kyle toss a football to each other. Two boys run past them with a kite] It was always that misty season when everyone embraced the weird and scary. [people are shown decorating their houses for the day.] Our little town was no different. [Stephen and Linda decorate their home for Halloween] I was just a kid back then. [Dr. Spooky's Pumpkin Patch is shown, with kids purchasing their own pumpkins] Me and all the other children were preparing for the greatest night of the year. [Mr. Mackey walks out with a couple of trash bags] But this Halloween was different, and it would change us all... forever.
Mr. Mackey
Whoa! [trips over something and falls down] What the? [the something is an electric scooter someone left in front of his house. He stands up with his bags] Alright, who left their scooter here?! Okay?! Whose damn scooter is this?!
Neighbor
[across the street] It isn't anybody's. They're e-scooters. Anyone can use them.
Mackey
E-scooters?
Neighbor
Yeah, see? There's a bunch here and a bunch more down there. [points to his right, Mackey's left. Mackey looks and sees them on both sides of the street, standing on the sidewalk. Another neighbor trips over one on his way across the street.] Everyone can use them to get around town, you know? Leave them where they want for the next person.
Mackey
Well where the hell do they all come from?!
Neighbor
[flatly] Nobody knows. [Mackey is dumbfounded]
A sidewalk near the park. The boys stand around an e-scooter
Stan
So anyone can use them?
Cartman
Yeah, I think they just work with your cell phone.
Kyle
How?
Stan
Oh yeah, it has one of them little scan thingies. Let me see. [puts up his phone camera to the e-scooter, which scans the code on the e-scooter. A little ding is heard] Yeah, dude, it's downloading the app.
Cartman
Kewl!
Stan
Aww, it wants a credit card number.
Cartman
Do you wanna use your mom's or my mom's?
Stan
Let's do your mom's
Cartman
3715 ...[Stan taps it into the app] 523 ...
Stan
Is that an AmEx?
Cartman
Yeah, you want a visa? 8292 438 7766507
Stan
Espiration?
Cartman
45261
Stan
Security code?
Cartman
[without hisitation] 921 [two beeps follow, and the boys are good to go]
Kyle
Dude, it worked! [Stan puts his phone away and hops on the e-scooter, then begins riding it]
Cartman
How is it, dude?
Stan
Pretty stupid but sweet.
Kyle
[turns around] Oh my God. Dude. Oh my God.
Cartman
What?
Kyle
We should use these things to trick or treat on Halloween!
Cartman
Hey yeah! We could cover so much more ground!
Stan
[rreturns and stops] We'd get, like, more candy than anybody.
Kyle
Everybody get the app! This is gonna be the best Halloween ever! [he and Cartman whip out their phones and get the app. Kenny has nothing to do.]
Kenny
(Oh wait, you guys. See, I don't have a phone.)
Cartman
Oh yeah, Kenny doesn't have a phone 'cause he's poor.
Kyle
Oh. Well, that's okay. We'll figure it out. We always do!
All
[raising fists] All right!
Downtown South Park. Mr. Mackey parks in front of Tom's Rhinoplasty, gets out, and parks his car. He goes to Lolly's Candy Factory next door and notices the six e-scooters parked in front of it.
Mackey
[spooked] What the... what the... fuck is going on? [goes inside the store, keeping his eyes on the e-scooters]
Lolly
How can I help you?
Mackey
Well I'm just gettin' my Halloween candy. Want to make sure I get enough. Last year I ran out and the kids egged my house, m'kay?
Lolly
Yeah, you don't wanna run out of candy on Halloween.
Mackey
I'll take three large bags each of Snickers Fun Size, Payday Bite Size, Almand Joy Snack Size, and Reese's Teenie Weenie Size, m'kay?
Lolly
Sounds like you wanna be prepared. [opens a large shopping bag for him and begins packing the bags inside]
Mackey
Hey, c-can, can I ask you somethin'? Wha, what's up with all these damn scooters?
Lolly
Oh, I think you get an app on your phone and you can use them all over town.
Mackey
No, but like, where did they come from? You know, it's like one day everything was fine, and the next there were these fuckin' scooters everywhere. [hands Lolly his AmEx card.]
Lolly
You don't like scooters? [takes the card and places the charge on it]
Mackey
I just think people should drive, m'kay? I don't think people should "scoot." I just... I just hope the future isn't "scootin'."
Lolly
Well, they seem pretty convenient. [gives him back his card and the filled shopping bag] What can be so wrong about that? Happy Halloween. [Mackey leaves and finds... 20 scooters there where there were originally six. He hurries to his car]
The Halloween Outlet, day. Everyone is in there getting their costumes, Kenny walks out with a traditional pumpkin pail
Kenny
(Woohoo!) [runs to Cartman's house] (Hey dude, check it out! I got my pail!)
Cartman
Great, cool. You got your pail.
Kenny
(Yup!)
Cartman
Come on in, Kenny. Let's talk. [Kenny walks in, looks around, and ends up looking at Stan and Kyle. Cartman follows him] Go ahead. Take a seat, Ken. [Kenny sits on the sofa next to Kyle, Cartman sits next to him.] Okay Kenny, here's the deal. Um, you know that we have this awesome plan to trick-or-treat on e-scooters this year. YOU... don't have a phone.
Kyle
Kenny, we've been talking and, the truth is, without a scooter, you're just gonna slow us down.
Cartman
It's probably best you trick or treat with someone else this year.
Kenny
(But we always trick or treat together)
Stan
Yeah, but that's just it, Kenny. To use a scooter, you have to have a phone and... I mean, if we're waiting for you, we're gonna be as slow as all the other kids. It's... like, you know?
Kenny
(Guys, please.)
Cartman
Look, Kenny, I always told you that one day, being poor was gonna catch up with you. Okay? But you didn't wanna listen. You just kept on being poor, and now it's Halloween and you don't have a cell phone.
Kyle
Okay, okay. Cartman, that's not the point.
Cartman
He needs to hear this, Kyle. You know, people are just poor, and they think it's not gonna come back to bite them in the ass.
Kyle
That's enough, dude!
Stan
We're sorry, Kenny. It's just... This awesome plan to get shitloads of candy doesn't... work with... you. [Kenny looks around and reads the mood, then takes his pail and leaves the house]
Cartman
Shouldn't have been poor, Kenny.
Downtown South Park. Mr. Mackey is driving in his car and singing.
Mackey

There was a wee cooper what lived in Fife. Nickety, Nackety noo noonoo
Hey Willy Wallacky, hey John Dougal. Alane quo roshety roo rooroo

[Notices someone outside his window. It's a scooter rider sipping coffee from Starbucks and carrying a shoulder bag across his body. He begins to notice other riders, but this distracts him from the road ahead.] Whoa, shit! M'kay?! [he's at an intersection when another rider casually scoots in front of him on the crosswalk. He brakes hard, looks out his window and yells] Hey you had a goddamned red light!

Rider 1
[long gone] Sorry.
Mackey
[sighing] Whoa, Jesus Christ. [another rider runs into the car] Hey!
Rider 2
[pulls his scooter off the car] Sorry.
Mackey
What the hell?! [the rider pulls the scooter off the car and rides away] Look at my car! Who's gonna pay for- [another rider runs into the car on the passenger side]
Rider 3
Sorry dude. [pulls the scooter off the car and rides away]
Mackey
God damn it! Get off the goddmned street with those things! [begins to peel away when he encounters traffic going against him, consisting of nothing but scooter riders. He dodges them as best he can. He ends up bumping a few off.]
Rider 4
Sorry.
Rider 5
[lands on the hood of the car, then gets off some seconds later] Sorry bro.
Rider 6
[lands on the trunk of the car, then gets off some seconds later] Sorry, dude.
Mackey
Woh, fuck me!
Clyde's house, afternoon. Clyde is seated with Token, Jimmy, and Butters. discussing their plan for Halloween over a map of the town.
Clyde
As soon as the school bell rings, we find the nearest scooters and begin trick or treating in Butters' neighborhood here. Then at 3 p.m. we- [the doorbell rings]
Jimmy
Sh sh-sh-sh-sh Shi sh-shi shit.
Clyde
Cover it! Cover it! [he and Jimmy pull out a blanket and throw it over the map. Token and Butters's help cover it up. Clyde goes to open the door and sees Kenny there.] Oh. Hey Kenny.
Kenny
(Hey dude. Uh, look. I was wondering, do you think I could trick or treat with you guys this year?)
Clyde
You wanna trick or treat with us? What about Stan and Kyle and those guys?
Kenny
(Oh, you know, I just thought I'd switch it up this year, hehe)
Clyde
Yeah, look, don't tell anybody, but, um... we're gonna trick or treat on e-scooters this year. We're seriously gonna rake in the candy. Problem is, e-scooters work with a phone and pretty sure [slowly] you don't h-have one
Kenny
(Oh I won't slow you guys down. I wear!)
Clyde
Dude, it's trick or treat. It's not something we're just willing to mess around with, okay? [bakcs up and closes the door, then lowers his head in sadness]
Nighttime. For envelops the town while the moon shines overhead. Mr. Mackey's shadow pops out from behind a tree and looks around, then he sneaks into an alley. He begins pulling up scooters and tossing them into a Bargain Rentals pickup truck. he wades into the river and crosses it to the other side, then removes the scooters from that side of town. He tosses them onto the truck as well. He then chains a bunch of them together and scoots them down the street to the truck. He tosses them onto the growing pile and drives out of town. He drives them onto a high cliff and parks at the edge, then throws out the whole mass of scooters, kicking out any remaining ones. He then drives off the cliff and goes home to sleep. His phone beeps, waking him. He rubs his eyes and puts on his glasses, then is surprised to see a scooter in his room by the bed.
Mr. Mackey
What the hell?? [walks backward into the bathroom, then turns around to find two more scooters by the toilet.] Aaaah! [Spooked, he goes downstairs when he hears someone run into the front door.]
Rider 7
Agh! [Mackey opens the door to see the rider dust himself off] Sorry, dude.
Mackey
God damnit, where'd you get that?!
Rider 7
Oh, they're all over, dude. Super-convenient. Try it out. [scoots away. Mr. Mackey walks to the street and sees even more of them than he threw out the night before.]
The school cafeteria, day. Bebe and Wendy sit at the table with four other girls. Kenny walks up to their table and sits between two of the girls.
Kenny
(Hey guys!) [silence. He chuckles and says] (So listen, I was thinking, maybe I'd trick or treat with you guys this year!)
Wendy
You wanna trick or treat with us? Why?
Kenny
(Oh, you know! Just trying to be gender-neutral, hahahaha)
At another table, Cartman sits with Stan, Kyle, Token, Jimmy, Clyde, and Butters
Cartman
So, uh, you guys think you're gonna get a lot of candy trick or treating this year?
Butters
We're gonna get a butt-load of candy!
Token
Shh! Butters, don't tell them our secret!
Cartman
Oh, we have a little secret too!
Stan
But we're not gonna tell people 'cause they're gonna copy us. So let's just leave it at that.
Clyde
Fine by us. So what are you gonna be for Halloween?
Cartman
Be? I'm gonna be on an e-scooter taking all your candy! [Stan and Kyle flash angry looks at him] That's what I'm gonna be!
Kyle
Dude!
Cartman
Sorry!
Jimmy
Hey wait! That's what we're doing!
Stan
What?
Craig
Hold on! You guys are using e-scooters on Halloween too?
Wendy
Oh, you jerks found out the girls are all trick or treating on e-scooters, and you stole our idea!
Cartman
Okay. Hold on! This is bullcrap! [all the kids begin arguing, destroying any chance Kenny had of enjoying a peaceful dinner. He walks away, head down.]
South Park Community Center. Adult Kenny resumes the story.
Adult Kenny
It was the day before Halloween. All of our parents were gathered together to try and stop a nightmare from coming true.
Sgt. Yates
[at the podium] All right, everyone. Quiet, please. We have a community crisis on our hands, and it's my job to keep you informed. As you know, there's been a rise in the use of e-scooters in our town. Officer Brown is head of crisis control. Officer?
Officer Brown
We have inside information that kids everywhere are going to be using e-scooters for tricks or treats. Now, with these things, kids and teens can cover a lot of ground in very little time. They can hit more houses than ever before. Because of the scooters, we also expect that people from all the neighboring counties will commute for tricks or treats in our town. Because of all of this, we believe each household needs to be prepared... with at least $6,000 worth of candy.
Jimbo
$6,000?
Stephen
Well that's ridiculous! We, we can't all buy that much candy! Let's just get rid of those scooters!
Townsfolk
Yeah! That's right! Let's do it!
Mackey
[stands up] You can't get rid of them! I tried! You all just sat there while those things piled up on our sidewalks! You all rode 'em around, m'kay?! I saw you! You could have used your cars, but you just had to scoot! [makes his way to the podium] And now tricks or treats is here! Well I'll tell you one thing! I'm not gonna let my house get egged this year for not havin' enough candy! So what are we gonna do?!
Townsman
We gotta get more candy! [after a moment of silence, everyone scrambles out the door with a sense of urgency. Mackey joins them]
Downtowo South Park, evening. Mr. Mackey drives up in his car and screeches to a halt in front of Tom's Rhinoplasty. He leaves his car and locks it, then runs into Lolly's Candy Factory next door to get whatever candy he can just as everyone else runs out of there.
Mackey
Get-whoa-get out of the way! [goes inside. A female customer leaves with the last of the goodies]
Lolly
Look, I got nothin' left, all right?
Mackey
What did you-? Get me some of those Hi-Chews.
Lolly
Those are already accounted for by folks who called in!
Mackey
Well then let me, let me have the Whatchamacallits?
Lolly
Those are for me! I've gotta protect my own house!
Mackey
Look, you've gotta give me some more fuckin' candy! [Lolly bends over, pulls up a rifle, and aims it at Mr. Mackey]
Lolly
There's nothin' left here. You've gotta go somewhere else! [Mr. Mackey turns and runs out]
Food 4 Little, later. Mr. Mackey peels into a parking spot and grabs a cart as soon as he can. He runs through the store
Mackey
Where, where's the candy, m'kay? Candy? [stops when he sees an associate] Uhh, what aisle is the candy in?
Associate
Uh, aisle 7.
Mackey
[resumes running] Uh 7, aisle 7! [reaches it and turns to see empty, trashed shelves. A couple of people have fallen victim to the stampede]
Halloween, day. A wind blows some leaves around all over town. South Park Elementary is ow crowded with e-scooters up front. The kids are dressed up for Halloween and look around at each other warily, ready to be the first one out the classroom door as soon as the bell rings. Butters too looks around warily, but all of a sudden brightens up. He looks at the clock on the wall. Meanwhile, Kenny walks to Mr. Mackey's office, sighs, and knocks on the door.
Mackey
[divvies up the candy so every kid gets the same amount and composition] Twenty Reese's Pieces, one Twix, sixteen Raisinets. [Kenny knocks again] Just... just a minute! Twelve Hat Tamles, half a Nestle Crun- [Kenny knocks again] Okay, come in! [Kenny finally walks in and closes the door, then takes a seat] What you want?
Kenny
(I, I just... It's Halloween and I should be happy, but I'm not happy at all.)
Mackey
Wait. Are you here for counseling?
Kenny
(Yeah! What should I do? I'm gonna miss trick-or-treating. It sucks.)
Mackey
Do you realize it's about to be World War III out there?! We have bigger problems! Consider yourself lucky, M'kay?! Everyone's gonna be scootin' and there's no way to stop it. Why are you the one kid who doesn't want to use them?
Kenny
(I can't use one. I don't have a phone.)
Mackey
What do you mean? You can't use those things without a phone?
Kenny
(No. It sucks. Halloween was a night without phones, man.)
Mackey
But Kenny, if that's true, then... could there be a way to cut the connection?
Kenny
(I don't know. I guess if you-) [snaps his fingers] (Wait a minute. Take down the cell phone tower. Then nobody has a phone on Halloween!)
Mackey
Jesus! You really think that could work?!
Kenny
(Yeah! I just have to ride thirty minutes outside of town! Oh, wait. I can't. I don't have a scooter.)
Mackey
[voice trembling] No. You don't need a scooter, 'cause I got a fuckin' car. [Kenny gets pumped]
Tegridy Farms, day. Stephen and Linda drive up and park. Randy opens the front door to greet them
Randy
Yehello?
Stephen
Heh hey Randy. Linda and I, we... we were talkin' about how we never see you guys anymore, and we were thinking we'd hang out with you for Halloween, heh.
Randy
Oh, I see. You want a place to hide on Halloween night, and you thought out here on the farm you'd be safe.
Stephen
Well, that, and we really wanna hang with you guys.
Linda
[giigles nervously] Yes.
Randy
You think them fancy e-scooters don't make it out here? We're gonna be bombarded just like you city folk.
Stephen
Then please, Randy, can we just borrow a little candy?
Randy
I gotta keep what I have.
Stephen
Please, Randy, the stores are all out! Just a few Milky Ways to get us through the first couple hours, please! We can cut 'em up. We can- we can hand them out little pieces at a time.
Randy
[steps backward up the porch steps] I gotta protect my own, Stotch! I'm sorry. [turns and walks inside]
In the car, moments later.
Linda
[in a panic] What are we gonna do??
Stephen
It's okay, Linda! It's okay! On Halloween night, I'll... I'll just one of those e-scooters myself. I'll go around and, and I'll trick-or-treat. I'll... I'll get a bunch of-
Linda
[grabs his right hand] No, you can't leave me alone!
Stephen
[grrba her shoulders] I'll get a bunch of candy, Linda, and I'll bring it back to our house for us to hand out! It's going to be okay.
South Park Elementary. The school bell rings and the kids flood out to get at the e-scooters. Clyde gets on a scooter, but Kyle pulls him off and takes it. Butters runs for a scooter, but Cartman catches up to him and punches him away. The kids fan out around town. Gerald is at his front door dishing out candy as fast as possible
Gerald
Aah! Aaaah! Here! Here, take it! Just take it!
Neighbor 2
OH GOD! WE NEED MORE 3 MUSKETEERS! WE CAN'T BE OUT! THERE HAS TO BE MORE!!
Kyle
[comes into view with Cartman and Stan] Jesus Christ! Where'd all these other people come from?!
Cartman
We have to get more candy than anyone else, even if we die!
The road to South Park, night. The sign for Mr. Hankey's Holiday Pageant now has CANCELLED spray-painted on it. Kids and teens from out of town begin streaming in. Again, Mr. Mackey has to avoid the oncoming riders, but Kenny is with him now.
Mackey
The tower should be just over that ridge.
Kenny
(Let's just hope to hell this works.)
Rider 8
[a woman they bump off] Oof, Sorry.
Mackey
What gives them the right, huh? I mean, some big company came and dumped a bunch of scooters everywhere without asking anyone if it was okay.
Kenny
(Yeah, people don't even care if shit's dumped everywhere. Everyone just loves technology)
Mackey
Yeah, you're right. You're a good kid, Kenny. I always thought so. I know we kind of all forget about you sometimes, but you're smart, compassionate, and you might even make a good counselor someday. [looks ahead again, but bumps into another rider]
Rider 9
Sorry, dude.
Jimbo and Ned's house, night. The trick-or-treaters swarm outside the house while Jimbo and Ned dish out the candy
Jimbo
Keep going, Ned! Don't you give up on me!
Stephen
[scoots up to them, pushing people out of the way] Move it! Get out of my way! [holdds up his pail] Trick or treat!
Jimbo
The hell are you doing, Stotch?
Stephen
Happy Halloween! Trick or Treat!
Jimbo
You're just trying to get our candy for your house!
Stephen
That's not true!
Jimbo
You don't even have a costume!
Stephen
Yes I do! I'm Megyn Kelly! Now trick or treat!
The neighborhood streets, night. The boys have done so well that their bags are bulging with candy
Kyle
That's it! I can't go anymore!
Cartman
Keep moving, Kyle!
Stan
Dude, we can't carry any more candy!
Cartman
台词
Kyle
What are we doing?
Cartman
We've gotta make room for more candy. Come on. Eat as much as you can. [they open their bags and start shoveling candy into their mouths, eating as much as they can]
Kyle
I don't... I don't know how I can keep doing this.
Cartman
Yes you can, Kyle.
Stan
I can't any more. [throws up into his bag]
A half hour out of town, night. Mr. Mackey and Kenny drive towards a wireless cell tower guarded by a chain-link fence
Kenny
(Find a way inside. I'll climb the tower.)
Mackey
Okay, sounds good! [they're confronted by a security guard in costume]
Kenny
(Oh, fuck!) [the guard is dressed as Jason Voorhees]
Mackey
Jesus Christ! [slashing sounds are heard. The guard removes his mask]
Guard
I'm all out of candy, all right?! Go look somewhere else!
Mackey
We're not here for tricks or treats!
Guard
Yeah, sure! That's what the last people said! Then they dumped my entire bowl in a pillowcase!
Kenny
(Dude, relax. It's okay.)
Guard
I'm just a security guard, all right?! [slides the mask back down over his face] We never even used to have trick-or-treaters out this far!
Mackey
That's why he has to take down this cellphone tower: To stop the scooters! Jason, I'm a counselor. You need to trust me. [the guard tilts his head to the right]
The trick-or-treaters swarm outside the police station and pound on its walls. Police officers inside the station stay low and armed. One of them covers his ears
Yates
There's a bowl of Rice Krispie treats at the side door! The side door, you animals!
Officer
Detective, look!
a TV is seen from their location, showing a newscast from New York. Times Square is torn to shreds, with glass panels littering the ground
Reporter
We are two hours ahead here! New York has completely run out of candy! [static ruins the image and the TV goes dark]
The neighborhood streets, moments later. Trick-or-treating continues
Jimmy
Butters? We've lost Butters!
Token
Oh Gid, Butters! [Butters is lying down next to a gutter munching on his cache of candy]
Tegridy Farms, night. Sharon and Randy stand on the porch looking out at the fields. A swarm of kids is in the distance
Sharon
We're never goin' to have enough candy.
The cellphone tower, later. Kenny goes up the steps to the top, hauling a chain. He then throws the chain around the top and catches it, tying it onto itself
Kenny
(Okay, that's got it!)
Mackey
All right, Kenny! [to no one] Let's see you do THIS with a goddamned scooter! [turns the ignition on, revs up the car, and begins to drive away, pulling the tower down. Kenny hides behind some panels on the way down]
The town, moments later. The scooters begin to power down and the riders stop moving. The excitement dies down.
Tegridy Farms, moments later. The scooters begin to power down and the riders stop moving just before reaching the porch. The excitement dies down.
Adult Kenny
And just like that, it was over. Nobody knew what happened. They only knew their phones didn't work.
Clyde
Does anyone have a signal?
Adult Kenny
No scooters, no texting, not even GPS. It was like the old Halloween. [with no way to move around on them, the riders just drop the scooters and walk away]
Rider 10
And I can't get an Uber home!
Adult Kenny
Mr. Mackey was able to get back to the town and offer counseling to everyone who needed it. [Kenny walks into view, wearing a costume] And as for me? I was able to spend the rest of the night with my friends, because we were all equal again.
The boys
[approach a house and ring the doorbell] Trick or treat.
Kenny
[brightly] (Trick or treat!)
Adult Kenny
It was the last Halloween that still felt like Halloween. It was the last time... it was good. [a scooter suddenly props itself up and scoots away]
End of The Scoots.
滑板车惊魂 结束
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