Mr. Garrison's class goes to a field trip to a chocolate factory, Kyle and Cartman continued to break out into arguments about Cartman not having a father and Kyle being a Jew. Stan, who has heard this hundreds of times, tells them to stop bringing up old arguments. Butters draws Stan's attention away from his friends, after seeing Tom Cruise wearing a uniform and working on the fudge packaging assembly line. Finding this odd, Stan calls the whole class to see Cruise as a fudge packer. Butters asks Tom why he is packing fudge, seeing as Cruise is literally packing up fudge for the company. Tom however becomes infuriated by the remark, stating firmly that he is not a fudge packer, and that he's instead fly fishing. Confused, Stan attempts to clarify that Tom Cruise obviously is packing fudge, which only infuriates Cruise more. Even Mr. Garrison, upon taking notice of the celebrity calls him a fudge packer, which angers Cruise to his boiling point, and in which, he tells them that he will sue South Park.
Cruise then calls all the celebrities that have ever come into contact with the town of South Park, in the hopes of joining in with him in a class action lawsuit. Their plans however are interrupted by Jared (Jared has Aides), who asks to use the restroom because he ate too much Subway sandwiches. He ends up opening every door he sees and only finds closets, despite Cruise directing him to the bathroom.
Later, back in school, Stan gets called to Principal Victoria's office, where he discovers all of the adults waiting. Randy Marsh then proceeds to yell at Stan, saying, "You couldn't stop making fun of Tom Cruise, could ya?" The adults explain to Stan that it wasn't okay to call Cruise a "fudge packer" and Cruise along with other celebrities, has filed a class action lawsuit against South Park for all the slander, insults and other incidents against them. Mayor McDaniels then goes on to say that the town will go bankrupt and be forced to shut down. In the hopes to stop the lawsuit, Randy takes Stan to Tom Cruise to apologize, where even Randy can't deny that Cruise is indeed a fudge packer, though he attempts to explain while avoiding use of the actual term. Cruise however states that he won't drop the lawsuit unless he gets to meet Muhammad, the Prophet of the Muslim faith (Cartoon Wars I and II). The only problem is that they can't get Muhammad because of the fact whenever his image appears, Muslim terrorists execute attacks against those responsible, deeming the image to be ridiculed.
Meanwhile, the rest of the celebrities are confused by Cruise's demands, to which he responds that it's all part of a plan to get ahold of Muhammad, who has the power to not be ridiculed, asking Jimmy Buffett how he would feel if no one could make fun of his music and Tim Burton if no one pointed out his lack of original movies and constant casting of Johnny Depp. He is interrupted from explaining further, when Cartman appears. Cruise and the other celebrities immediately recognize him from South Park, but Cartman explains that he is not there because he wants to, but rather because he's an escort for someone else. Cartman then removes his glove to reveal his hand covered in make-up and wearing a wig. The celebrities believe it to be Jennifer Lopez (Fat Butt and Pancake Head).
Stan and Kyle go to the Hall of the Super Best Friends in the hopes to get Muhammad to appear in South Park. To their dismay, they are denied because the Super Best Friends are also unable to allow Muhammad to appear for fear of the terrorist attack that could result from it. Stan and Kyle suggest assorted ways to get Muhammad to appear, such as disguises, but all ideas are turned down because no part of Muhammad can be seen in public (even walking around wasn't ok). In the end, they agree to allow him to go to South Park, in a U-Haul, where he can be heard, but not seen.
Back at his house, Cruise reveals to his fellow celebrities a machine designed to take Muhammad's power. He and his ally Rob Reiner explain that everyone human has goo inside them that is their essence and which can be transferred to other beings. Cruise's plan is to steal Muhammad's goo and use it so that no one can ever ridicule him again. Cartman, who is growing uneasy by this new turn of events, leaves the room, and proceeds to have a conversation with his Jennifer Lopez-hand saying he was only there to make money. Jennifer however cuts him off, telling him she wants the goo. To counter this, Cartman reminds her that he knows she is not really Jennifer Lopez and reveals that she is really the con-artist Mitch Conner. Mitch explains to Cartman that Muhammad's goo is far more valuable and that he can sell it on the Hong Kong black market for $50 million.
Meanwhile, when South Park tries to give Muhammad to Tom Cruise and the other celebrities, he is informed that Muhammad has to come out of the truck. Again, they are left with the problem of getting Muhammad to appear, without allowing him to be seen. In the end, they place Muhammad in a bear mascot outfit that covers him from head to foot. The exchange of Muhammad to the celebrities is stopped for a brief moment when the citizens are informed that terrorists will blow up South Park if they don't hand over Muhammad to them. Stan still tries to hand over Muhammad to the celebrities, but before they can reach the waiting car, it explodes. The citizens are shocked to find out the terrorists responsible are the Gingers, who also want Muhammad's power to not be ridiculed. With everyone in a panic, the adults decide that the best thing to do is give into the gingers' demands, as they are threatening violence, rather than a simple lawsuit.
The celebrities meanwhile are not pleased to learn this, as they still want Muhammad for their needs. In a shocking display of neurosis, Cruise demands that the celebrities get violent in order to get Muhammad. None of the other celebrities want to risk this, as they don't want to ruin their careers. Reiner manages to calm Cruise by reminding him that there is only one person who can take violent action, without it hurting the rest of them. The celebrities enlist a newly rebuilt Mecha-Streisand who was years ago destroyed in South Park (Mecha Streisand), to attack the town and get Muhammad for them. When the situation is explained to her, Mecha-Streisand becomes enraged as her badly sung Japanese theme song is heard.
Returning to South Park, Cartman argues with Mitch's plan. In order to get Cartman to work for him and trust him, Mitch brings up the subject of who Cartman's dad is. Cartman reminds him that his mother is his father as she was a hermaphrodite (Cartman's Mom Is Still A Dirty Slut). Mitch however argues that to be a lie, and that he can get the truth for Cartman. They then go to Mr. Garrison to get the truth about his father from Mr. Hat. Garrison, who has not used Mr. Hat in years, is shocked by the demand, but proceeds to pull the old puppet out of his drawer. Mitch states that he is an old friend of Mr. Hat's, and that he knows the truth. On the night Cartman's father was supposed to be revealed, the tests were altered and that Cartman's real father had indeed been in that room on that night.
The Gingers meanwhile want to see Muhammad, so as to prove that South Park has him. The episode ends in a cliffhanger with the gingers about to blow up South Park if Muhammad is not revealed, Mecha-Striesand preparing to attack the town, the citizens ready to show Muhammad, and Mr. Hat close to revealing the true identity of Cartman's father. This is the first half of a two-parter.