(以“{{剧集内容分类/剧本|剧集 = 诺亚基舟|剧集代码 = s01e04-Big-Gay-Als-Big-Gay-Boat-Ride|导航栏代码 = {{剧集顶部导航|标题1 = 要你肥4000|...”为内容创建页面) |
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{{剧集内容分类/剧本|剧集 = 诺亚基舟|剧集代码 = s01e04-Big-Gay-Als-Big-Gay-Boat-Ride|导航栏代码 = {{剧集顶部导航|标题1 = 要你肥4000|标题2 = 象猪交配}}}} |
{{剧集内容分类/剧本|剧集 = 诺亚基舟|剧集代码 = s01e04-Big-Gay-Als-Big-Gay-Boat-Ride|导航栏代码 = {{剧集顶部导航|标题1 = 要你肥4000|标题2 = 象猪交配}}}} |
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+ | ==Cast== |
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+ | * [[Stan Marsh]] |
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+ | * [[Kyle Broflovski]] |
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+ | * [[Eric Cartman]] |
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+ | * [[Kenny McCormick]] |
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+ | * [[Sparky]] |
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+ | * Sylvester |
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+ | * [[Clyde Donovan]] |
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+ | * [[Rex]] |
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+ | * [[Jerome "Chef" McElroy|Chef]] |
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+ | * [[Pip Pirrip]] |
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+ | * [[Bill Allen]] |
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+ | * [[Fosse McDonald]] |
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+ | * [[Jimbo Kern]] |
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+ | * [[Ned Gerblansky]] |
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+ | * Bartender |
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+ | * Carl, Explosives Expert |
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+ | * [[Herbert Garrison|Mr. Garrison]] |
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+ | * [[Mr. Hat]] |
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+ | * [[Jesus Christ]] |
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+ | * Enrique the Horse |
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+ | * Frank Hammond |
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+ | * Phil |
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+ | * [[Big Gay Al]] |
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+ | * [[Richard Stamos]] |
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+ | * Gamblers |
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+ | |||
+ | ==Script== |
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+ | {{EpisodeScript| |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Bus Stop.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Hey, where's the school bus? We're gonna be late for football practice.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|A dog walks up to the boys.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Hiya, Sparky.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[Looking]'' Who's that?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|That's my new dog Sparky. He followed me to the bus stop.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Wow! Cool!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Good boy, Sparky. Who's my best buddy? Who's your boy? Who's your buddy?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Eh. You're making me sick, dude.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|He's part Doberman and part wolf. He's the toughest dog on the mountain.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester is the toughest dog in South Park.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Sylvester|Arrrrrr.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|He's not meaner than Sparky.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh yeah? Let's see. Hey, Sylvester!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sylvester comes over.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sparky'll kick his ass.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|I'll put a dollar on Sylvester.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|You're on, dude!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sylvester starts after Sparky. Both dogs growl.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky lunges after Sylvester and out of view. Aggressive panting can be heard. The boys stand there, shocked.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Huh. He's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sparky! Bad dog!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kenny|(Oh my God, I think they're screwing.)}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|What?!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Yeah dude, I think your dog is gay.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|What do you mean?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|That dog is a gay homosexual.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan looks back to study the situation, then...}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|He's just confused.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|I think the other dog's the one that's confused.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kenny|(No, check his penis.)}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Kyle smiles.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sick, shut up dude!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky pants happily while Sylvester slinks away.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|<poem><i>Stan's dog's a homo. Stan's dog's a homo.</i></poem>}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|The bus pulls up.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Football Field, sideline before school.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Okay children, I know that you're all extremely excited, nervous and anxious about the homecoming game against Middle Park.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Who's Middle Park?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|What's homecoming?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|But just remember what I taught you. That football is like making love to a reeeeeally beautiful woman. You can't always score, but when you do, it makes all the trying worthwhile. ''[silence]'' Now, let's start practice.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Chef blows his whistle, and the kids hit the field.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Uh, Mr. Chef, sir?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Yes Pip, what is it?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Well, I still don't have a helmet.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|I know, Pip, the school can't afford helmets for everybody.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Yes, but, couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet every week? Does it always have to be me?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Oh.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Sorry son, now get your ass in there.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Out on the playing field.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut. Hut. Hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|''[impatiently]'' Hike the damn ball!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Cartman hikes the ball over Stan's head. Stan chases it down. Kyle runs into Pip, opening a major gash on Pip's head.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Aaaaaaaargh!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Jimbo and Ned arrive.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Hey, how's practice coming there, Chef?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|''[distracted]'' Huh? Oh, fine, fine.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|I don't have to remind you just how important this game is to us South Park alumni.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Elementary school alumni?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|That's as far as most of us got. You think we have a shot at beating the spread against Middle Park this year?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|I don't know. Wha- what's the spread?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Middle Park by 70 points.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Hmmm...}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|They look towards the field, where Kenny tackles Cartman, causing him to drop the ball.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|I don't think we have a chance.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Nonsense! Not with my nephew at quarterback. ''[yells]'' Right Stanley?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan turns to see his uncle just as Cartman hikes.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Huh?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|The ball hits him on the side of the head. He picks it up and throws to Kyle.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Atta boy!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Great pass, Stan.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Come on Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|On sideline after practice.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Okay. That was a good practice children. We'll see you here again tomorrow.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Hey Stan, isn't that your dog?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice. You see, he ''is'' smart.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Clyde|Aw, my dog Rex follows me to football practice all the time.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Yeah, but my dog found his own way here. That makes him smarter than your- ''[sees Sparky lunge after Rex]'' Sparky, get down!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Clyde|Oh my God! What is he doing to my dog?!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|There he goes again.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Get down, Sparky! Down!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Stan forgot to mention that his dog is a gay homosexual.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Clyde|Make him stop!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Rex moves away with his tail between his legs.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Rex|Yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Fosse and Bill pass by laughing.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Fosse|I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Bill|Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Fosse|Gay dog.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|The bullies walk away laughing, while Sparky walks up panting.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Mr. Garrison's classroom. Start of school.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|...and so you see, Simon & Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Thank you for that presentation, Eric, but the assignment was on Asian cultures. You get a D-.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Ah, dammit!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Hat|Well, how about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Oh, good idea. Okay Stanley, you're next.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Um, I'm not really prepared either.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Well, just make something up, like Eric did.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Okay, uh... Asian culture has... plagued our fragile earth for many years. We must end it-}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Excellent. A-.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Eeyy!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Wow, cool!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A-?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Eric, Stanley just might lead our team to victory against the Middle Park Cowboys for the first time in decades. And we treat star athletes better because they're better people.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|That's not fair!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Hat|Life isn't fair, kiddo, get used to it.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Stupid puppet.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Dismissal bell rings.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Don't forget your assignments tonight children, they're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|All students except Stan leave the room.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Well of course Stanley, what is it?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|What's a... homosexual?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Hoh, well, Stanley, I guess you came to the right person. Sit down.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan sits.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Stanley, gay people... Well. gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold black hearts, which pump not blood like yours and mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I guess.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Good, I'm glad we could have this little talk, Stanley. Now you go outside and practice football like a good little heterosexual.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Bus stop. The boys get off the bus.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|You guys see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|You're gonna need to kick more ass than that to beat the Cowboys.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Hey, speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Shut up, dude!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky comes up panting with a pink scarf on.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Sparky|Bark, bark.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Man, that is the gayest dog I have ever seen.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|He just needs some training, that's all. Sit, Sparky.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky sits.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Good boy, now shake.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky shakes.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Good boy. Now, don't be gay.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan waits for the command to sink in.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Don't be gay, Spark. Don't be gay.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky looks at Stan with confusion and growls.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Did it work?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I don't know.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|He still looks pretty gay to me.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Bill|Huh, huh.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Fosse|Hey Stan, your dog been to any Pride marches lately?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Bill|Huh huh, meh, yeah, maybe you should take him to a Barbara Streisand concert. ''[they laugh]'' Stupid little gay dog.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Fosse|Gay dog.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Come on you guys, I have an idea.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sports Book, Ned and Jimbo enter. Two big-screen monitors show horse races. One of the five smaller screens above show a race as well.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|I want $500 on the South Park Cows.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Bookie|Are you crazy?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|No siree. I'm telling you, I got the line. My nephew Stan is the best quarterback the school has ever seen. I guarantee they'll beat the spread.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Gambler 1|I want to put all my money on the Cows.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Gambler 2|Duh, duh, I think I'll put 300 on the Cows too if they guarantee it.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Gambler 3|Hey, I want to put some money on the Cows too.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Female Gambler 1|I got 500 on the Cows.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Female Gambler 2|Well, I'll put my money on the Cows.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't get too carried away now...}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Gambler 4|You better be right about this, Jimbo.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Hehe, yeah. Don't- don't worry yourself.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|Are you sure Stan is that good?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Not ''that'' sure. I think we better come up with a backup plan. Uhh, let's see here. Hey, bookie! Wha- what's the halftime show gonna be?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Bookie|You haven't heard?! John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is gonna sing 'Loving You'.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|I love that song.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|'Loving You'? That's perfect! Come on Ned, Middle Park's gonna get a Halftime show they'll never forget.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|In front of Stan's house, a large crate sits next to the kids.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Okay Sparky, we got you a present. Now why don't-}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan notices a pink scarf on Sparky.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Damn it Sparky, where do you keep getting this thing?!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|He grabs the scarf.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|No pink bandannas Sparky, bad dog! Now pay attention. Sparky, this is Fifi.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|The crate opens and Fifi, a French poodle, comes out.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Ooh-la-la.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Fifi sniffs some. Sparky starts following her.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|There he goes!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Atta boy, Spark! Get her!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky climbs atop Fifi.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Yes!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky pulls Fifi's collar off and into the air, catching it around his neck.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Ah crap! Now what do I do?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Who cares if your dog is gay? Maybe it's not that bad.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No way dude, my mom says God hates gay people. That's why he smote the sodomies in France.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kenny|(I think that Garrison said that gay people suck.)}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I know Mr. Garrison said that homosexuals are evil, but, but Sparky doesn't seem evil.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Well, maybe Mr. Garrison is wrong. You should ask somebody else.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Like who?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Inside Stan's house, Jesus and Pals' title screen is on TV.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|TV Announcer|And now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park public access.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jesus Christ|Yea, many of you are seeking answers, and I am the way for you my children. Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions... Hello caller, you're on the air. ''[Beep.]''}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Robert|Yeah, is, is this Jesus?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jesus|Yes my son.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Robert|This, this is Robert from Torrey Pines. I called last week asking for advice on my ex-wife.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jesus|Of course Robert. How are things now?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Robert|Well, every, everything's much better Jesus. She hasn't mouthed off since- I just wanted to thank you for the advice. Oh, and for, for dying for my sins, that was really nice of you.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jesus|Blessed art thou, Robert. Next caller, you're on the air. ''[Beep.]''}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Uh, hi, Jesus. I, I have a dog, and he's a- he's a homosexual.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jesus|My son, a lot of people have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is. So I'd like to state once and for all, my true opinion. You see-}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|The station's logo pops up.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|TV Announcer|That's all the time we've left for Jesus and Pals, now stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Damn it!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|What'd he say?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I got cut off for Marty's stupid Movie Reviews.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Oh, Marty's Movie Reviews are on, kick ass!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Isn't there anybody who can help me? Isn't there anybody who cares?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Come on dude, we have to get to practice.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|No, it's not okay! I don't want a gay dog!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Outside, Sparky overhears this.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I want a butch dog! I want a Rin-tin-tin!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky grouses, digs a hole, and makes his way out of the yard. He wanders into the mountains, looks back once more, and is gone.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|On the sideline at practice.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Now children, we've got to handle the ball better. You got to hold your football like you hold your lover. ''[Music starts.]'' Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh yeah! ''[Sinks into the mood.]'' |
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+ | <poem><i>Just like makin' sweet love to the football. |
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+ | Feelin' naughty with the football. |
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+ | Mmmm.</i></poem>}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Uh, Chef?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|<poem><i>Spank it, ever so gently.</i></poem>}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Chef.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|<poem><i>Spank it.</i></poem>}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Chef!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Oh, uhuhh, sorry children. Uhuh, let's run some plays.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Uh, Mr. Chef sir?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|No Pip, we still don't have a helmet for you.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Righto, but how about I use a helmet today, and one of the other children goes without?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|That wouldn't be very fair to the other children, now would it?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|No um, I guess not.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Carl's Bombs And Explosives and Accessories.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|What we wanna do here, Carl, is put a trigger on that bomb that makes it go off at a specific moment during halftime.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|What moment would that be?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Well, John Stamos' older brother is all set to sing 'Loving You' during halftime. We want that bomb to go off when he hits that high F.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|What high F?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|You know, <poem><i>Loving you is easy 'cause you're beautiful doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo... Aaaaah.</i></poem>}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|Right, right, so you want the trigger on the ''doo-nn-doo''?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|No, dammit! The ''aaaaah''!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|''Aaaaahh''?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|''Aaaaahh''.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|''Aaaaahh''!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|''Aaaaahh''.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Great.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|''Doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo - Aaah''.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|''Doo-nn-doo-doo''}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|You got it.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|''Doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo...''}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|''Aaa - dooo''...}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|''Aaaaahh''!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Carl|Alright, yeah, okay...}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|On the sideline at practice.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|What's the matter Stan, you seem down.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I just, I can't concentrate 'cause my dog is gay.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Well, you know what they say: you can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Coming up to see what's the matter.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Oh, stop filling his head with that queer-loving propaganda.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Say what?! You of all people should be sympathetic.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|What do you mean?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Well, you're gay aren't you?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|What?! What the hell are you talking about?! I am not gay.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Well, you sure do act like it.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Chef looks puzzled, wondering.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|On the field.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Kyle runs up from behind.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|What's the matter dude?}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I don't know where Sparky is. He usually follows me to football practice.}} |
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+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants. ''[Stan punches him]'' Ow!}} |
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+ | {{ScriptScene|Snowy mountains. Sparky is trekking through the snow, stops, and looks around. A floating castle nears him. It's Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Hello there little pup, I'm Big Gay Al.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky looks at him.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Have you been outcast?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky pants an affirmative.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Well, then I'm so glad you found my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky pants an affirmative.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Come on in little fellow, nobody will ever oppress you here.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman are at the Bus Stop. Stan walks up.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Have you guys seen Sparky, he still hasn't come back.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Wow, it's been like two days.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I think he might've run away.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Did you check the shopping ma- ''[Stan punches him]'' Ow!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|We'll help you look for him after the game, Stan.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I'm not playing.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|You what?!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I'm not playing in that stupid game. I have to find my dog. ''[leaves]''}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Middle Park Elementary School.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|''[whispering]'' Come on Ned, and keep quiet.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|''[louder]'' Okay.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|They climb over the fence and approach the Middle Park mascot, a horse.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Hello there, Enrique.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|What are we doing here?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Well Ned, we always kidnap Middle Park's mascot. But this year, we're gonna booby-trap it instead.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Jimbo puts the bomb on Enrique's back.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F in "Loving You", Boom!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Enrique gets wide-eyed.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|No more Middle Park players.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Jimbo and Ned laugh, and Enrique starts to tremble.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|God damn, I love football!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan is in the stormy mountains.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sparky! Where are you?! Where could he be?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|South Park Elementary.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The Middle Park Cowboys exit the bus.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cowboys|Kill that Ken! Kill that Ken!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|South Park Football Field. The bleachers are filled with fans decked out in COWS! gear. Even Ike is wearing a GO COWS shirt and bouncing about.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank Hammond|Hello everyone, this is Frank Hammond, South Park public radio, AM 900, Welcome to tonight's match-up between the Middle Park Cowboys and the South Park Cows.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Pounds the table, and Phil's mike falls over. He scans the sidelines.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Well, it looks like Chef, the South Park Cows coach, looks a little nervous. This is probably because his star quarterback has yet to show up.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|''[between his teeth]'' Oohh, come on, Stan...}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Pip|Uh, Mr. Chef, if Stanley doesn't show up, can I use his helmet?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|No Pip, I'm sorry!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stormy mountains.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sparky! Sparky!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|South Park Football Field, first quarter. The game is about to begin.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Referee|Play ball.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|You're gonna have to quarterback, Kyle.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|But I never practiced quarterback.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Well it's a little late for that bullcrap now.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Filling in for quarterback is number 12, Kyle Broslovski.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Hey hey, where is little Stanley?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Hat|Yeah, why the hell is that little Jewish kid playing quarterback?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Ned, look!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Middle Park's mascot, Enrique, is shown.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|They've got Enrique on their sidelines, and it looks like that bomb's still attached.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Ned|Yay.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan follows his dog's footprints and finds himself facing Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Hi little fella, how are you doing today?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Fine, how are you?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|I'm super, thanks for asking.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|My gay dog ran away and I was wondering if maybe he came here.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Well, let's see. Come on in. ''[they enter]''}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Do you have lots of gay dogs here?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|We have all sorts of gay animals here at Big Gay Al's. Over here we have a gay lion.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Gay Lion|Rooaar.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|And we have gay water buffalo, gay hummingbirds, here's a gaggle of gay gooses. Hi fellas, it's so super to see you!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Wow, seems like the animals here are really happy.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Of course they are, silly buns. It's the one place where gay animals can really be themselves. Do you like to dance?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|They enter the techno-dance floor as disco music plays. Animals pour in to dance, even a dolphin on its tail.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Vocalist|<poem><i>Oww, we can both be gay!</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|In the huddle. The Cows win the coin toss.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Cartman, you hike me the ball, then somebody run, and I'll throw it or something. Ready?!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Huddle|Break!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|At the line of scrimmage.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cowboy 1|You guys are toast.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cowboy 2|Yeah, we're gonna pound your heads in.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|We'll just see about that.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Set, set.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Cartman farts long and nasty right into Kyle's face. Kyle quickly retreats.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Damn it Cartman!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|What's the matter?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Cartman farted!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|No I didn't. That was just my shoes.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Come on Kyle. We'll get a delay of game penalty.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|No way dude!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Hike! The! Ball!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Kyle is back in position, with his shirt covering his nose.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Ah, dude, weak.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|That's right, you get back there.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Hike!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Ball snatched! Middle Park blitzes!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Screaming as Kyle is tackled.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Fumble, Middle Park gets the ball. They run it in for a TOUCHDOWN! The score is 7-nothing Middle Park, with 14:57 remaining in the first quarter.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Hell's bells.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Why, I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Phil quickly covers the mic.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Phil|Now Frank, that's not very PC. You're gonna get us in trouble again.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Right, right, uh. I gotta watch that.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Townsman 1|We lose our money 'cause of your nephew, we're gonna hang you up to dry, Jimbo.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime, heheh.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Big Gay Al's Big Gay Dance Floor.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Vocalist|<poem><i>...both be gay.</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan is dancing with a monkey, then sees Sparky.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sparky! Hiya Sparky, how's it goin'?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Sparky|Ruff.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I missed you old pal, you really had me scared.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Sparky|Barr.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Come on, let's go home. I can still make it in time for the game.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky follows Stan.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|We can work on making you not gay together.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Sparky stops and sits.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Sparky?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Young man, it appears you still don't understand.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|What don't I understand?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Come this way, I have to show you something.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|South Park Football Field, second quarter.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|With just over a minute to go in the half the score is Middle Park Cowboys 52, South Park Cows 0.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Hut, hut.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Cartman snaps the ball to Kyle. The Cowboys blitz. Kyle flips the ball back to Pip, who is still without a helmet. The Cowboys players descend on him as soon as he catches the ball.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Oh no, I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Phil muffles Frank.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Phil|Dude! Now that is not cool.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Sorry, sorry.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Okay Stan, I think you should get in line for my Big Gay Boat Ride.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan looks at the boat.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Step aboard, Stanley.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|He and Sparky step aboard the boat.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Hello everyone, and welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride. On this adventure, we'll be seeing the world of gayness throughout time.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|South Park Football Field. South Park's final drive before the halftime show.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|And the South Park Cows are set to receive...}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The Cowboys kick off.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|There's the kick. It's taken by number 23, Kenny McCormick.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Kenny weaves through the special teams.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|He's at the 50, the 40, the 30.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cowboys|Hold him, hold him!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Two of them take hold of Kenny's arms.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cowboys|Hold him, hold him!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cowboy|Yaaah!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|A Third Cowboy dives in, taking Kenny's head off, as the other two sever Kenny's arms.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|The little running back is down. I think he's...}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Rats come in to devour Kenny's corpse.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Yes, he's been decapitated.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|''[gasps]'' Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Phil|Hah, that's gotta hurt, Frank.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Ouch-a-roo!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Hey, come on! That was roughing! At least let us scrape him off the field!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Looks like the South Park Cows aren't even gonna beat the 72 point spread, not by a long shot.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The boat-ride begins the passage through several animatronic scenes.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|You see, gayness has existed since the beginning of time. From the Egyptian pharaohs, to the shoguns of Japan.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The tips of the Japanese soldiers' swords touch.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Uh oh, look out, it's the oppressors! Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Big Gay Al fires off a shot with his pistol.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Whoa! Oh gosh, that was close. Okay, let's steer our Big Gay Boat out of here, and into a place where gays are allowed to live freely.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Doors open to reveal a scene reminiscent of 'It's a Small World'.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Boat Ride Singers|<poem><i>We're all gay, and it's okay, |
||
+ | 'Cause gay means happy and happy means gay. |
||
+ | We're not sad anymore, cause we're out the closet door. |
||
+ | It's okay, hey, to be gay!</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Sooo, what do you think, Stan?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Still singing.<poem><i>...It's okay to be gay...</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|This kicks ass! I'm sorry I tried to change you, Spark. I just didn't understand.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Still singing.<poem><i>It's okay to be gay. Shalala waylaylay shalala waylaylay. It's okay to be gay.</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|''[to himself]'' Isn't this precious?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|South Park Football Field. Halftime.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|And now, here to sing the touching song ''Loving You'', is the one and only, John Stamo-...s' brother...}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Audience Member|Alright Richard!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Music starts up.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Richard Stamos|<poem><i>Loving you, |
||
+ | is easy cause you're beautiful, |
||
+ | -doo-n-doo-doo-doooo- |
||
+ | Aaaaah!</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|His voice cracks and the music stops.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Richard|<poem><i>Aaaaah!</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|What the hell?!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Richard|<poem><i>Aaaaah!</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|His voice wavers.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|He didn't sing the high F!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Richard Stamos can't sing a high F, he always screws it up like this.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Ned... We're gonna to get our asses kicked.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Richard|<poem><i>Lalalalala lalalalala lalalalala lala la la lala...</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|''[heckling]'' It's obvious where all the talent in that family went!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Outside of Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Sparky|Ruff!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|No problem, kids! Are you sure you don't wanna stay for some toasted cheese sandwiches?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|No thanks, I've gotta get back for the big football game. Come on boy!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|They start to walk off.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Oh Stan?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|They stop.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|When you get back to town, ''[earnest music plays]'' tell them about us, will you? Tell them there are gay animals here who need homes, desperately.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I will Big Gay Al, I will.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|They depart.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Bell dings.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Ooh, my carrot cake! ''[rushes inside]''}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|South Park Football Field, fourth quarter.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Hike!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|And these South Park Cows are being absolutely molested by Middle Park. I haven't seen so many children molested since...}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|I thought you said beating the spread was a sure thing, Jimbo.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Hat|Yeah, we all put our life savings in this game.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Townsman|You're a dead man, Jimbo!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|A hail of food products is thrown at Jimbo.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Well, this should just about wrap it up for-}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan and Sparky come onto the field.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Wait a minute, what's this?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Yeah! Yohooooh!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|It's Stan, the South Park star quarterback!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Where the hell have you been Stan?!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I've been getting my best friend back.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Chef|Just get in there boy!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Give 'em hell, Stanley!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan takes his place on the field as Jimbo looks to the heavens, and prays aloud to himself.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Jesus? Now I haven't asked you for much, but all we need is one little score. Please? Please, Jesus?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|In the first row of the stands.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jesus|Leave me alone.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Hike!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Stan hikes the ball. He steps back to pass.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Hey Stan! Ah, I'm open, I think!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Mph!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Stan throws the ball.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Kyle|Oof.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Kyle runs towards the end zone, panting, Cowboys hot on his trail.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Oh my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Frank recoils.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Phil|Dude!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The crowd cheers as Kyle scores.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Touchdown!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Yeah! Wooo!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|The clock runs out and the final score is Middle Park Cowboys 73, South Park Cows 6. South Park beats the spread!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Frank swats his mic away.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|Yeah! Woohoo!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Postgame press conference. Stan gets on stage by scoreboard.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Townsman|Speech!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Stan, what do you want to tell the world about this stunning almost victory?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Uh... It- it's really cool that we beat the spread against the Cowboys.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Crowd|Yeah, alright!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|And maybe... we can beat 'em even more next year!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Crowd|Wooooh!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|And it's okay to be gay!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The crowd falls silent.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|What?!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Being gay is just part of nature, and a beautiful thing.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|What the hell is he talking about?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Frank|Uh, Stanley, you arrived very late in the game, where were you that whole time?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|I was with my new friend, Big Gay Al. He showed me his Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, and took me on a Big Gay Boat Ride, where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The crowd looks at Stan in disbelief.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|It's true, I'll show you.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|At the site of Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. There is nothing to be seen.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|But it was here. It was all right here. There- there was a techno dance club...}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Cartman|Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup, alright, seriously. I'm worried about you man.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The missing animals suddenly appear.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Townswoman|Oliver! I thought you ran away all those months ago!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Townsperson 1|Sidney!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Townsperson 2|Willy!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Townsperson 3|Carlos!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|Big Gay Al is suddenly at Stan's side.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|I want to thank you so much for bringing everybody here.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Oh, there you are dude. How's it going?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|I'm super, thanks for asking. It looks like now my work here is done.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|He pops his suitcase open and climbs into it.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Big Gay Al|Goodbye Stanley, peace be with you.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|He presses a button, and the suitcase closes.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Stan|Wow!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|The suitcase flies off.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Richard|You guys, you guys! I can do it.}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Mr. Garrison|Do what?}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Richard|<poem><i>Loving you, |
||
+ | Is easy cause you're beautiful, |
||
+ | Doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-dooo</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Jimbo|No!}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Richard|<poem><i>Aaah!</i></poem>}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptDialog|Enrique|Mroo-}} |
||
+ | {{ScriptScene|BOOM!}} |
||
+ | }} |
2018年7月3日 (二) 03:26的版本
Cast
- Stan Marsh
- Kyle Broflovski
- Eric Cartman
- Kenny McCormick
- Sparky
- Sylvester
- Clyde Donovan
- Rex
- Chef
- Pip Pirrip
- Bill Allen
- Fosse McDonald
- Jimbo Kern
- Ned Gerblansky
- Bartender
- Carl, Explosives Expert
- Mr. Garrison
- Mr. Hat
- Jesus Christ
- Enrique the Horse
- Frank Hammond
- Phil
- Big Gay Al
- Richard Stamos
- Gamblers
Script
诺亚基舟 | |
Bus Stop. | |
Hey, where's the school bus? We're gonna be late for football practice. | |
A dog walks up to the boys. | |
Hiya, Sparky. | |
[Looking] Who's that? | |
That's my new dog Sparky. He followed me to the bus stop. | |
Wow! Cool! | |
Good boy, Sparky. Who's my best buddy? Who's your boy? Who's your buddy? | |
Eh. You're making me sick, dude. | |
He's part Doberman and part wolf. He's the toughest dog on the mountain. | |
No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester is the toughest dog in South Park. | |
Arrrrrr. | |
He's not meaner than Sparky. | |
Oh yeah? Let's see. Hey, Sylvester! | |
Sylvester comes over. | |
Sparky'll kick his ass. | |
I'll put a dollar on Sylvester. | |
You're on, dude! | |
Sylvester starts after Sparky. Both dogs growl. | |
That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass! | |
Sparky lunges after Sylvester and out of view. Aggressive panting can be heard. The boys stand there, shocked. | |
Huh. He's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass. | |
Sparky! Bad dog! | |
(Oh my God, I think they're screwing.) | |
What?! | |
Yeah dude, I think your dog is gay. | |
What do you mean? | |
That dog is a gay homosexual. | |
Stan looks back to study the situation, then... | |
He's just confused. | |
I think the other dog's the one that's confused. | |
(No, check his penis.) | |
Kyle smiles. | |
Sick, shut up dude! | |
Sparky pants happily while Sylvester slinks away. | |
Stan's dog's a homo. Stan's dog's a homo. | |
The bus pulls up. | |
Football Field, sideline before school. | |
Okay children, I know that you're all extremely excited, nervous and anxious about the homecoming game against Middle Park. | |
Who's Middle Park? | |
What's homecoming? | |
But just remember what I taught you. That football is like making love to a reeeeeally beautiful woman. You can't always score, but when you do, it makes all the trying worthwhile. [silence] Now, let's start practice. | |
Chef blows his whistle, and the kids hit the field. | |
Uh, Mr. Chef, sir? | |
Yes Pip, what is it? | |
Well, I still don't have a helmet. | |
I know, Pip, the school can't afford helmets for everybody. | |
Yes, but, couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet every week? Does it always have to be me? | |
Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does. | |
Oh. | |
Sorry son, now get your ass in there. | |
Out on the playing field. | |
Hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut. Hut. Hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut. | |
[impatiently] Hike the damn ball! | |
Cartman hikes the ball over Stan's head. Stan chases it down. Kyle runs into Pip, opening a major gash on Pip's head. | |
Aaaaaaaargh! | |
Jimbo and Ned arrive. | |
Hey, how's practice coming there, Chef? | |
[distracted] Huh? Oh, fine, fine. | |
I don't have to remind you just how important this game is to us South Park alumni. | |
Elementary school alumni? | |
That's as far as most of us got. You think we have a shot at beating the spread against Middle Park this year? | |
I don't know. Wha- what's the spread? | |
Middle Park by 70 points. | |
Hmmm... | |
They look towards the field, where Kenny tackles Cartman, causing him to drop the ball. | |
I don't think we have a chance. | |
Nonsense! Not with my nephew at quarterback. [yells] Right Stanley? | |
Stan turns to see his uncle just as Cartman hikes. | |
Huh? | |
The ball hits him on the side of the head. He picks it up and throws to Kyle. | |
Atta boy! | |
Great pass, Stan. | |
Come on Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie! | |
On sideline after practice. | |
Okay. That was a good practice children. We'll see you here again tomorrow. | |
Hey Stan, isn't that your dog? | |
Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice. You see, he is smart. | |
Aw, my dog Rex follows me to football practice all the time. | |
Yeah, but my dog found his own way here. That makes him smarter than your- [sees Sparky lunge after Rex] Sparky, get down! | |
Oh my God! What is he doing to my dog?! | |
There he goes again. | |
Get down, Sparky! Down! | |
Stan forgot to mention that his dog is a gay homosexual. | |
Make him stop! | |
Rex moves away with his tail between his legs. | |
Yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe! | |
Fosse and Bill pass by laughing. | |
I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay. | |
Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan. | |
Gay dog. | |
The bullies walk away laughing, while Sparky walks up panting. | |
Mr. Garrison's classroom. Start of school. | |
...and so you see, Simon & Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television. | |
Thank you for that presentation, Eric, but the assignment was on Asian cultures. You get a D-. | |
Ah, dammit! | |
Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat? | |
Well, how about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star? | |
Oh, good idea. Okay Stanley, you're next. | |
Um, I'm not really prepared either. | |
Well, just make something up, like Eric did. | |
Okay, uh... Asian culture has... plagued our fragile earth for many years. We must end it- | |
Excellent. A-. | |
Eeyy! | |
Wow, cool! | |
Wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A-? | |
Eric, Stanley just might lead our team to victory against the Middle Park Cowboys for the first time in decades. And we treat star athletes better because they're better people. | |
That's not fair! | |
Life isn't fair, kiddo, get used to it. | |
Stupid puppet. | |
Dismissal bell rings. | |
Don't forget your assignments tonight children, they're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan. | |
All students except Stan leave the room. | |
Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question? | |
Well of course Stanley, what is it? | |
What's a... homosexual? | |
Hoh, well, Stanley, I guess you came to the right person. Sit down. | |
Stan sits. | |
Stanley, gay people... Well. gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold black hearts, which pump not blood like yours and mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand? | |
I guess. | |
Good, I'm glad we could have this little talk, Stanley. Now you go outside and practice football like a good little heterosexual. | |
Bus stop. The boys get off the bus. | |
You guys see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass. | |
You're gonna need to kick more ass than that to beat the Cowboys. | |
Hey, speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog. | |
Shut up, dude! | |
Sparky comes up panting with a pink scarf on. | |
Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf? | |
Bark, bark. | |
Man, that is the gayest dog I have ever seen. | |
He just needs some training, that's all. Sit, Sparky. | |
Sparky sits. | |
Good boy, now shake. | |
Sparky shakes. | |
Good boy. Now, don't be gay. | |
Stan waits for the command to sink in. | |
Don't be gay, Spark. Don't be gay. | |
Sparky looks at Stan with confusion and growls. | |
Did it work? | |
I don't know. | |
He still looks pretty gay to me. | |
Huh, huh. | |
Hey Stan, your dog been to any Pride marches lately? | |
Huh huh, meh, yeah, maybe you should take him to a Barbara Streisand concert. [they laugh] Stupid little gay dog. | |
Gay dog. | |
Come on you guys, I have an idea. | |
Sports Book, Ned and Jimbo enter. Two big-screen monitors show horse races. One of the five smaller screens above show a race as well. | |
I want $500 on the South Park Cows. | |
Are you crazy? | |
No siree. I'm telling you, I got the line. My nephew Stan is the best quarterback the school has ever seen. I guarantee they'll beat the spread. | |
I want to put all my money on the Cows. | |
Duh, duh, I think I'll put 300 on the Cows too if they guarantee it. | |
Hey, I want to put some money on the Cows too. | |
I got 500 on the Cows. | |
Well, I'll put my money on the Cows. | |
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't get too carried away now... | |
You better be right about this, Jimbo. | |
Hehe, yeah. Don't- don't worry yourself. | |
Are you sure Stan is that good? | |
Not that sure. I think we better come up with a backup plan. Uhh, let's see here. Hey, bookie! Wha- what's the halftime show gonna be? | |
You haven't heard?! John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is gonna sing 'Loving You'. | |
I love that song. | |
'Loving You'? That's perfect! Come on Ned, Middle Park's gonna get a Halftime show they'll never forget. | |
In front of Stan's house, a large crate sits next to the kids. | |
Okay Sparky, we got you a present. Now why don't- | |
Stan notices a pink scarf on Sparky. | |
Damn it Sparky, where do you keep getting this thing?! | |
He grabs the scarf. | |
No pink bandannas Sparky, bad dog! Now pay attention. Sparky, this is Fifi. | |
The crate opens and Fifi, a French poodle, comes out. | |
Ooh-la-la. | |
Fifi sniffs some. Sparky starts following her. | |
There he goes! | |
Atta boy, Spark! Get her! | |
Sparky climbs atop Fifi. | |
Yes! | |
Sparky pulls Fifi's collar off and into the air, catching it around his neck. | |
Ah crap! Now what do I do? | |
Who cares if your dog is gay? Maybe it's not that bad. | |
No way dude, my mom says God hates gay people. That's why he smote the sodomies in France. | |
(I think that Garrison said that gay people suck.) | |
I know Mr. Garrison said that homosexuals are evil, but, but Sparky doesn't seem evil. | |
Well, maybe Mr. Garrison is wrong. You should ask somebody else. | |
Like who? | |
Inside Stan's house, Jesus and Pals' title screen is on TV. | |
And now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park public access. | |
Yea, many of you are seeking answers, and I am the way for you my children. Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions... Hello caller, you're on the air. [Beep.] | |
Yeah, is, is this Jesus? | |
Yes my son. | |
This, this is Robert from Torrey Pines. I called last week asking for advice on my ex-wife. | |
Of course Robert. How are things now? | |
Well, every, everything's much better Jesus. She hasn't mouthed off since- I just wanted to thank you for the advice. Oh, and for, for dying for my sins, that was really nice of you. | |
Blessed art thou, Robert. Next caller, you're on the air. [Beep.] | |
Uh, hi, Jesus. I, I have a dog, and he's a- he's a homosexual. | |
My son, a lot of people have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is. So I'd like to state once and for all, my true opinion. You see- | |
The station's logo pops up. | |
That's all the time we've left for Jesus and Pals, now stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews. | |
Damn it! | |
What'd he say? | |
I got cut off for Marty's stupid Movie Reviews. | |
Oh, Marty's Movie Reviews are on, kick ass! | |
Isn't there anybody who can help me? Isn't there anybody who cares? | |
Come on dude, we have to get to practice. | |
No, it's not okay! I don't want a gay dog! | |
Outside, Sparky overhears this. | |
I want a butch dog! I want a Rin-tin-tin! | |
Sparky grouses, digs a hole, and makes his way out of the yard. He wanders into the mountains, looks back once more, and is gone. | |
On the sideline at practice. | |
Now children, we've got to handle the ball better. You got to hold your football like you hold your lover. [Music starts.] Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh yeah! [Sinks into the mood.]
Just like makin' sweet love to the football. | |
Uh, Chef? | |
Spank it, ever so gently. | |
Chef. | |
Spank it. | |
Chef! | |
Oh, uhuhh, sorry children. Uhuh, let's run some plays. | |
Uh, Mr. Chef sir? | |
No Pip, we still don't have a helmet for you. | |
Righto, but how about I use a helmet today, and one of the other children goes without? | |
That wouldn't be very fair to the other children, now would it? | |
No um, I guess not. | |
Carl's Bombs And Explosives and Accessories. | |
What we wanna do here, Carl, is put a trigger on that bomb that makes it go off at a specific moment during halftime. | |
What moment would that be? | |
Well, John Stamos' older brother is all set to sing 'Loving You' during halftime. We want that bomb to go off when he hits that high F. | |
What high F? | |
You know, Loving you is easy 'cause you're beautiful doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo... Aaaaah. | |
Right, right, so you want the trigger on the doo-nn-doo? | |
No, dammit! The aaaaah! | |
Aaaaahh? | |
Aaaaahh. | |
Aaaaahh! | |
Aaaaahh. | |
Great. | |
Doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo - Aaah. | |
Doo-nn-doo-doo | |
You got it. | |
Doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo... | |
Aaa - dooo... | |
Aaaaahh! | |
Alright, yeah, okay... | |
On the sideline at practice. | |
What's the matter Stan, you seem down. | |
I just, I can't concentrate 'cause my dog is gay. | |
Well, you know what they say: you can't teach a gay dog straight tricks. | |
Coming up to see what's the matter. | |
Oh, stop filling his head with that queer-loving propaganda. | |
Say what?! You of all people should be sympathetic. | |
What do you mean? | |
Well, you're gay aren't you? | |
What?! What the hell are you talking about?! I am not gay. | |
Well, you sure do act like it. | |
I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass. | |
Chef looks puzzled, wondering. | |
On the field. | |
Kyle runs up from behind. | |
What's the matter dude? | |
I don't know where Sparky is. He usually follows me to football practice. | |
Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants. [Stan punches him] Ow! | |
Snowy mountains. Sparky is trekking through the snow, stops, and looks around. A floating castle nears him. It's Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. | |
Hello there little pup, I'm Big Gay Al. | |
Sparky looks at him. | |
Have you been outcast? | |
Sparky pants an affirmative. | |
Well, then I'm so glad you found my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us? | |
Sparky pants an affirmative. | |
Come on in little fellow, nobody will ever oppress you here. | |
Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman are at the Bus Stop. Stan walks up. | |
Have you guys seen Sparky, he still hasn't come back. | |
Wow, it's been like two days. | |
I think he might've run away. | |
Did you check the shopping ma- [Stan punches him] Ow! | |
We'll help you look for him after the game, Stan. | |
I'm not playing. | |
You what?! | |
I'm not playing in that stupid game. I have to find my dog. [leaves] | |
Middle Park Elementary School. | |
[whispering] Come on Ned, and keep quiet. | |
[louder] Okay. | |
They climb over the fence and approach the Middle Park mascot, a horse. | |
Hello there, Enrique. | |
What are we doing here? | |
Well Ned, we always kidnap Middle Park's mascot. But this year, we're gonna booby-trap it instead. | |
Jimbo puts the bomb on Enrique's back. | |
And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F in "Loving You", Boom! | |
Enrique gets wide-eyed. | |
No more Middle Park players. | |
Jimbo and Ned laugh, and Enrique starts to tremble. | |
God damn, I love football! | |
Stan is in the stormy mountains. | |
Sparky! Where are you?! Where could he be? | |
South Park Elementary. | |
The Middle Park Cowboys exit the bus. | |
Kill that Ken! Kill that Ken! | |
South Park Football Field. The bleachers are filled with fans decked out in COWS! gear. Even Ike is wearing a GO COWS shirt and bouncing about. | |
Hello everyone, this is Frank Hammond, South Park public radio, AM 900, Welcome to tonight's match-up between the Middle Park Cowboys and the South Park Cows. | |
Pounds the table, and Phil's mike falls over. He scans the sidelines. | |
Well, it looks like Chef, the South Park Cows coach, looks a little nervous. This is probably because his star quarterback has yet to show up. | |
[between his teeth] Oohh, come on, Stan... | |
Uh, Mr. Chef, if Stanley doesn't show up, can I use his helmet? | |
No Pip, I'm sorry! | |
Stormy mountains. | |
Sparky! Sparky! | |
South Park Football Field, first quarter. The game is about to begin. | |
Play ball. | |
You're gonna have to quarterback, Kyle. | |
But I never practiced quarterback. | |
Well it's a little late for that bullcrap now. | |
Filling in for quarterback is number 12, Kyle Broslovski. | |
Hey hey, where is little Stanley? | |
Yeah, why the hell is that little Jewish kid playing quarterback? | |
Ned, look! | |
Middle Park's mascot, Enrique, is shown. | |
They've got Enrique on their sidelines, and it looks like that bomb's still attached. | |
Yay. | |
Stan follows his dog's footprints and finds himself facing Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. | |
Hi little fella, how are you doing today? | |
Fine, how are you? | |
I'm super, thanks for asking. | |
My gay dog ran away and I was wondering if maybe he came here. | |
Well, let's see. Come on in. [they enter] | |
Do you have lots of gay dogs here? | |
We have all sorts of gay animals here at Big Gay Al's. Over here we have a gay lion. | |
Rooaar. | |
And we have gay water buffalo, gay hummingbirds, here's a gaggle of gay gooses. Hi fellas, it's so super to see you! | |
Wow, seems like the animals here are really happy. | |
Of course they are, silly buns. It's the one place where gay animals can really be themselves. Do you like to dance? | |
They enter the techno-dance floor as disco music plays. Animals pour in to dance, even a dolphin on its tail. | |
Oww, we can both be gay! | |
In the huddle. The Cows win the coin toss. | |
Cartman, you hike me the ball, then somebody run, and I'll throw it or something. Ready?! | |
Break! | |
At the line of scrimmage. | |
You guys are toast. | |
Yeah, we're gonna pound your heads in. | |
We'll just see about that. | |
Set, set. | |
Cartman farts long and nasty right into Kyle's face. Kyle quickly retreats. | |
Damn it Cartman! | |
What's the matter? | |
Cartman farted! | |
No I didn't. That was just my shoes. | |
Come on Kyle. We'll get a delay of game penalty. | |
No way dude! | |
Hike! The! Ball! | |
Kyle is back in position, with his shirt covering his nose. | |
Ah, dude, weak. | |
That's right, you get back there. | |
Hike! | |
Ball snatched! Middle Park blitzes! | |
Screaming as Kyle is tackled. | |
Fumble, Middle Park gets the ball. They run it in for a TOUCHDOWN! The score is 7-nothing Middle Park, with 14:57 remaining in the first quarter. | |
Hell's bells. | |
Why, I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King. | |
Phil quickly covers the mic. | |
Now Frank, that's not very PC. You're gonna get us in trouble again. | |
Right, right, uh. I gotta watch that. | |
We lose our money 'cause of your nephew, we're gonna hang you up to dry, Jimbo. | |
Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime, heheh. | |
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Dance Floor. | |
...both be gay. | |
Stan is dancing with a monkey, then sees Sparky. | |
Sparky! Hiya Sparky, how's it goin'? | |
Ruff. | |
I missed you old pal, you really had me scared. | |
Barr. | |
Come on, let's go home. I can still make it in time for the game. | |
Sparky follows Stan. | |
We can work on making you not gay together. | |
Sparky stops and sits. | |
Sparky? | |
Young man, it appears you still don't understand. | |
What don't I understand? | |
Come this way, I have to show you something. | |
South Park Football Field, second quarter. | |
With just over a minute to go in the half the score is Middle Park Cowboys 52, South Park Cows 0. | |
Hut, hut. | |
Cartman snaps the ball to Kyle. The Cowboys blitz. Kyle flips the ball back to Pip, who is still without a helmet. The Cowboys players descend on him as soon as he catches the ball. | |
Oh no, I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant. | |
Phil muffles Frank. | |
Dude! Now that is not cool. | |
Sorry, sorry. | |
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride. | |
Okay Stan, I think you should get in line for my Big Gay Boat Ride. | |
Stan looks at the boat. | |
Step aboard, Stanley. | |
He and Sparky step aboard the boat. | |
Hello everyone, and welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride. On this adventure, we'll be seeing the world of gayness throughout time. | |
South Park Football Field. South Park's final drive before the halftime show. | |
And the South Park Cows are set to receive... | |
The Cowboys kick off. | |
There's the kick. It's taken by number 23, Kenny McCormick. | |
Kenny weaves through the special teams. | |
He's at the 50, the 40, the 30. | |
Hold him, hold him! | |
Two of them take hold of Kenny's arms. | |
Hold him, hold him! | |
Yaaah! | |
A Third Cowboy dives in, taking Kenny's head off, as the other two sever Kenny's arms. | |
The little running back is down. I think he's... | |
Rats come in to devour Kenny's corpse. | |
Yes, he's been decapitated. | |
[gasps] Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards! | |
Hah, that's gotta hurt, Frank. | |
Ouch-a-roo! | |
Hey, come on! That was roughing! At least let us scrape him off the field! | |
Looks like the South Park Cows aren't even gonna beat the 72 point spread, not by a long shot. | |
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride. | |
The boat-ride begins the passage through several animatronic scenes. | |
You see, gayness has existed since the beginning of time. From the Egyptian pharaohs, to the shoguns of Japan. | |
The tips of the Japanese soldiers' swords touch. | |
Uh oh, look out, it's the oppressors! Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my! | |
Big Gay Al fires off a shot with his pistol. | |
Whoa! Oh gosh, that was close. Okay, let's steer our Big Gay Boat out of here, and into a place where gays are allowed to live freely. | |
Doors open to reveal a scene reminiscent of 'It's a Small World'. | |
We're all gay, and it's okay, | |
Sooo, what do you think, Stan? | |
Still singing. ...It's okay to be gay... | |
This kicks ass! I'm sorry I tried to change you, Spark. I just didn't understand. | |
Still singing. It's okay to be gay. Shalala waylaylay shalala waylaylay. It's okay to be gay. | |
[to himself] Isn't this precious? | |
South Park Football Field. Halftime. | |
And now, here to sing the touching song Loving You, is the one and only, John Stamo-...s' brother... | |
Alright Richard! | |
Music starts up. | |
Loving you, | |
His voice cracks and the music stops. | |
Aaaaah! | |
What the hell?! | |
Aaaaah! | |
His voice wavers. | |
He didn't sing the high F! | |
Richard Stamos can't sing a high F, he always screws it up like this. | |
Ned... We're gonna to get our asses kicked. | |
Lalalalala lalalalala lalalalala lala la la lala... | |
[heckling] It's obvious where all the talent in that family went! | |
Outside of Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. | |
Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al! | |
Ruff! | |
No problem, kids! Are you sure you don't wanna stay for some toasted cheese sandwiches? | |
No thanks, I've gotta get back for the big football game. Come on boy! | |
They start to walk off. | |
Oh Stan? | |
They stop. | |
When you get back to town, [earnest music plays] tell them about us, will you? Tell them there are gay animals here who need homes, desperately. | |
I will Big Gay Al, I will. | |
They depart. | |
Bell dings. | |
Ooh, my carrot cake! [rushes inside] | |
South Park Football Field, fourth quarter. | |
Hike! | |
And these South Park Cows are being absolutely molested by Middle Park. I haven't seen so many children molested since... | |
I thought you said beating the spread was a sure thing, Jimbo. | |
Yeah, we all put our life savings in this game. | |
You're a dead man, Jimbo! | |
A hail of food products is thrown at Jimbo. | |
Well, this should just about wrap it up for- | |
Stan and Sparky come onto the field. | |
Wait a minute, what's this? | |
Yeah! Yohooooh! | |
It's Stan, the South Park star quarterback! | |
Where the hell have you been Stan?! | |
I've been getting my best friend back. | |
Just get in there boy! | |
Give 'em hell, Stanley! | |
Stan takes his place on the field as Jimbo looks to the heavens, and prays aloud to himself. | |
Jesus? Now I haven't asked you for much, but all we need is one little score. Please? Please, Jesus? | |
In the first row of the stands. | |
Leave me alone. | |
Hike! | |
Stan hikes the ball. He steps back to pass. | |
Hey Stan! Ah, I'm open, I think! | |
Mph! | |
Stan throws the ball. | |
And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid! | |
Oof. | |
Kyle runs towards the end zone, panting, Cowboys hot on his trail. | |
Oh my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938! | |
Frank recoils. | |
Dude! | |
The crowd cheers as Kyle scores. | |
Touchdown! | |
Yeah! Wooo! | |
The clock runs out and the final score is Middle Park Cowboys 73, South Park Cows 6. South Park beats the spread! | |
Frank swats his mic away. | |
Yeah! Woohoo! | |
Postgame press conference. Stan gets on stage by scoreboard. | |
Speech! | |
Stan, what do you want to tell the world about this stunning almost victory? | |
Uh... It- it's really cool that we beat the spread against the Cowboys. | |
Yeah, alright! | |
And maybe... we can beat 'em even more next year! | |
Wooooh! | |
And it's okay to be gay! | |
The crowd falls silent. | |
What?! | |
Being gay is just part of nature, and a beautiful thing. | |
What the hell is he talking about? | |
Uh, Stanley, you arrived very late in the game, where were you that whole time? | |
I was with my new friend, Big Gay Al. He showed me his Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, and took me on a Big Gay Boat Ride, where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety. | |
The crowd looks at Stan in disbelief. | |
It's true, I'll show you. | |
At the site of Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. There is nothing to be seen. | |
But it was here. It was all right here. There- there was a techno dance club... | |
Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup, alright, seriously. I'm worried about you man. | |
The missing animals suddenly appear. | |
Oliver! I thought you ran away all those months ago! | |
Sidney! | |
Willy! | |
Carlos! | |
Big Gay Al is suddenly at Stan's side. | |
I want to thank you so much for bringing everybody here. | |
Oh, there you are dude. How's it going? | |
I'm super, thanks for asking. It looks like now my work here is done. | |
He pops his suitcase open and climbs into it. | |
Goodbye Stanley, peace be with you. | |
He presses a button, and the suitcase closes. | |
Wow! | |
The suitcase flies off. | |
You guys, you guys! I can do it. | |
Do what? | |
Loving you, | |
No! | |
Aaah! | |
Mroo- | |
BOOM! | |
诺亚基舟 结束 |