Following the announcement of the election results, Barack Obama and John McCain address their supporters on nationwide television as the South Park townspeople gather to watch. Randy and the other Obama supporters celebrate drunkenly in the streets, while McCain supporters (including Ike, most of the school workers and the Stotches) sit despondently inside. Ike attempts suicide by jumping out a first-story window; he survives but appears to be badly injured, and Kyle along with Stan attempt to get him to the hospital.
In a secret meeting, Obama and McCain reveal that they have carefully orchestrated their respective quests for the presidency so that one of them would have to win this election. They are both members of an elite team of professional thieves who are planning to steal the Hope Diamond from the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. In order to get it, they must break into the building from underground, using a secret escape tunnel that connects directly to the Oval Office in the White House. Sarah Palin is also in on the plan, as is Michelle Obama, who has only pretended to be Obama's wife in order to fool the media. The team is counting on the whole country being as distracted as possible by the election results to buy them enough time for the heist.
Obama persuades the Secret Service to let him into the Oval Office, claiming that he wants to get ideas for redecorating it before he is sworn in. McCain and the others are stationed outside the museum as a construction crew to provide cover for any noise he makes. He finds the tunnel entrance and follows it to the museum, but when he breaks through the floor, he finds that new security measures have been put in place. Retreating to the Oval Office, he calls Michelle to help him bypass these defenses, and she mentions that she has hated posing as his wife for so long. The rest of the plan then proceeds without any trouble, and the entire team slips out of Washington and prepares to leave the country.
In South Park, Kyle comes to Stan for help in getting Ike to the hospital, but Kyle's parents are lost in the partying crowd. Randy, believing that Obama's win means he will be financially secure forever, gets into a fight with his boss (also an Obama supporter), while other revelers tip over Officer Barbrady's police car when he tries to restore order, but not before accusing him of being a McCain supporter. Meanwhile, Cartman has taken advantage of the chaos to steal television sets from people's houses and is now selling them.
Stan and Kyle find the Stotches building an "ark" to hold some of the McCain supporters, fearing that Obama's win will bring about the end of civilization. The boys' plea for help leads to a brawl among the adults, so they head for the hospital on foot. The emergency room is packed with patients who have either partied too hard or tried to kill themselves, depending on which candidate they favored. Ike is put into a bed, but soon wakes up to carry out the last part of the thieves' plan, having faked an injury to get in there. He remotely detonates a bomb to blow up a parked airplane containing dummies that resemble Obama, McCain and their vices, then alters the hospital medical records to show that they and all the criminals are dead.
Before the group boards their plane to leave the country, Obama announces that he is not going with them; he wants to stay and try being a real president. He asks Michelle and "their" two daughters (actually only hers) if they want to pretend to be the First Family and live in the White House, and they take him up on the offer as the others leave. Once the celebrations in South Park have died down, the Stotches open their "ark" to find that society has not instantly crumbled, and admit that they were just taking the election results too seriously. Randy wakes up at home with a terrible hangover, finds both his pants and his television missing (stolen by Cartman), and learns that he has been fired from his job. Regarding that Obama promised change, Randy holds the presidential elect responsible for the problems he made for himself. He then grumbles that he should have voted for McCain.