非洲来客/剧本

梗概

冷知识

图册

剧本

在线观看

红眼病

非洲来客/剧本

圣诞便便汉基先生

出场角色

• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Eric Cartman
• Kenny McCormick
• Wendy Testaburger
• Bebe Stevens
• Clyde Donovan
• Pip Pirrip
• Mr. Garrison
• Mr. Hat
• Liane Cartman
• Stuart McCormick
• Mrs. McCormick
• Chef
• Principal Victoria
• Mayor McDaniels
• Ted
• Johnson
• Officer Barbrady
• Terrance
• Phillip
• Turkeys
• Mephesto
• Red Cross Workers
• Marvin
• Ethiopians
• Sally Struthers
• A Couple in Love
• TV Announcer

剧本

非洲来客
	Cartman's House. The boys are watching television and laughing.
Stan	That was awesome!
Kyle	Yeah!
Liane	Would you boys like some Cheesy Poofs?
Cartman	Get out of the way mah! The Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special is on.
Liane	Sure hon.
Cartman	And yeah, we want Cheesy Poofs!
	Terrance and Phillip have just landed.
Phillip	Hey Terrance! Looks like this might be a good place to start a new colony.
Terrance	It sure does Phillip. No one will oppress our religion here.
	Farts.
Phillip	AAAAAH!
	Laughter. The boys are now enjoying their Cheesy Poofs.
Phillip	Aaah! You stained my pilgrim hat butt-pipe!
Cartman	Did you guys see that? That was sweet.
TV Announcer	Coming up next on the Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special, Phillip farts on Terrance, and laughs.
Kyle	Oh, cool.
TV Announcer	And now a word from our sponsor.
Sally Struthers	Here in the heart of Africa children are dying. Not from disease or war, but from hunger. I'm Sally Struthers. These children are in desperate need, and only you can help.
Stan	Hey, who's that fat chick?
Kyle	Sally Struthers, dude. She used to be on Full House.
Stan	Oh.
Sally Struthers	You see, here, in the middle of Africa, food is extremely scarce.
Stan	Doesn't look like she's having any trouble finding food.
Kyle	Yeah, she's fatter than Cartman.
Cartman	Yeah, HEY!
Sally Struthers	For just five dollars a month you can sponsor a child.
Cartman	That's stupid, who the hell would want to do that?
Sally Struthers	Sponsor now and we'll also send you this Teiko digital sports watch as a free gift.
Cartman	KICK ASS!!
Stan	SWEET!
Kenny	(Woohoo!)
Stan	I'll call. I know my mom's credit card number.
	Stan dials up the number.
Kyle	Did they say if it's waterproof?
Stan	Hello? Is this Sally Struthers?
	Listens for the answer.
Stan	Oh.
Kyle	What did she say?
Stan	Shut up butt-pirate, I'm trying to hear.
Kyle	Ass-rammer.
Stan	Yeah? Yeah. We want to adopt a starving Ethernopian.
Cartman	When do we get the sports watch?
Stan	Just a second fat-ass!
Cartman	You vas-deferens!
Stan	Hello? No, no, it's a ma- [To his friends, confused.] Vas-deferens?
Kenny	(Dude, it's a pipe for your peepee)
Stan	Oh.
Kyle	Ask her if we get the watch right away.
Stan	Do we get the sports watch right away?
	Pause.
Stan	She says we do.
All	Cool.
Cartman	I get to wear it first, you guys.
	Mr. Garrison's Classroom.
Kyle	I can't wait to get out of school and get our Teiko sports watch.
Cartman	Yeah, but I get to wear it first, I said.
Mr. Garrison	Children, children! To honor this special time of year we'll be doing a canned food drive. Does anybody know what a canned food drive is?
	Cartman raises his hand.
Mr. Garrison	Yes, Eric?
Cartman	When they cut up a chick's stomach to get a baby out?
Mr. Garrison	Noo, that's a Caesarian Section Eric, but that's okay, remember, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
	Eric listens.
Mr. Garrison	A canned food drive is when we collect canned food for poor people who can't afford to eat on Thanksgiving.
Stan	You mean, like Kenny?
Mr. Garrison	Exactly.
Cartman	Mr. Garrison? Why do poor people always smell like sour milk?
Mr. Garrison	[Impatiently.] I don't know Eric, they just do.
	Kyle sniffs at Kenny. Kenny withdraws.
Mr. Garrison	Now children, I want each of you to bring in one can of food. And later, the mayor of South Park will divide it up amongst Kenny's family and other poor people.
Cartman	I'm not bringin' in food for poor people, Screw them!
Wendy	Don't you want to help those who are less fortunate?!
Cartman	Hey you guys, do you hear something?! Ah- I think I hear the flower children calling!
Wendy	This is the one time of year you're supposed to care about people who can't eat!
Cartman	Isn't it enough that I pay taxes?! What about the poor houses that, that I pay for?!
Wendy	Many would rather die than go to those places!
Cartman	Well then, perhaps they should, and decrease the surplus population!
Mr. Garrison	Okay kids, that's enough Dickens for one day. Let's get on with our lesson, right Mr. Hat?
Mr. Hat	That's right, Mr. Garrison, Englebert Humperdink was the first person on the moon, who was the second?
	A pack of wild turkeys burst into the classroom.
Clyde	Aaaah!
	Mr. Garrison climbs atop his desk.
Mr. Garrison	What the hell is going on?!
	The turkeys are tearing up the classroom. One of them rips up a Thanksgiving poster and takes it with him.
Clyde	Aaaah!
	A turkey overturns Clyde's desk, dumping Clyde on the ground. Some others vandalize the blackboard. Just as suddenly as they entered, the turkeys exit, closing the door behind them. Silence ensues.
Mr. Garrison	Well, you don't see that everyday.
	City Hall.
Mayor McDaniels	Okay. Now, once we have all the canned foods collected we'll need some clever way to distribute them to the poor.
Aide 2	It should be something festive.
	Mephesto and Kevin burst into the office.
Mephesto	Mayor, we've got a very big problem.
Mayor McDaniels	Ahh, you're that insane genetic engineer from up on the hill, right?
Mephesto	Yes, and I may have made a horrible mistake. I was trying to genetically engineer turkeys for Thanksgiving.
Mayor McDaniels	[Warily.] Uh huh.
Mephesto	You know, to provide food for the needy.
Mayor McDaniels	[Sarcastically.] Of course.
	Aide 1 glances at her.
Mephesto	Well, something went wrong and the turkeys broke free. And the worst part is, they're REALLY pissed off.
	Mayor McDaniels twirls her chair around and twirls her finger 'round her ear.
Mayor McDaniels	Naturally.
	Her aides snicker, then she turns again.
Mayor McDaniels	Oh, do go on.
Mephesto	We have to stop them or, or they could destroy everything. Time is short.
	Mayor McDaniels turns around and pulls out a cuckoo clock, which chimes a couple of times. Her aides snicker. Aide 2 has his ears wiggling. She puts the clock away and the aide stops his ears.
	Mayor McDaniels faces Mephesto again.
Mayor McDaniels	You were saying?
Mephesto	They act just like normal turkeys, except they're evil.
Mayor McDaniels	[With feigned shock.] Oh, my!
	Turns around and pulls out a donkey, which heehaws a couple of times. Her aides chuckle.
	Mephesto having observed how the Mayor was reacting to him.
Mephesto	Somehow I don't think you're taking me seriously.
Mayor McDaniels	Uh now why would you say that?
	Cartman's house. The kids burst through the front door.
Everybody	Did it come? Did it come? Is it here yet?
Cartman	I get to use it first you guys! Mom, did our digital sports watch come yet?
Liane	[Peeks.] Not yet hon.
Stan	Damn.
Kyle	Hey, look you guys.
TV Announcer	And now, back to Part 2 of the Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special.
	They are in a snowed-in town.
Terrance	I sure am cold, Phillip.
Phillip	Yes, and hungry too. Being a pilgrim totally sucks ass.
Terrance	Gosh, I hope we don't starve.
	Phillip farts a high one and Terrance laughs.
Phillip	Ah, a squeaker!
	The boys laugh and then the doorbell rings, and a couple of knocks follow. The boys stand stiff not knowing what to do until...
	Kyle bolts to the door.
Kyle	The digital sports watch is here.
	The kids open the door smiling in anticipation. An emaciated Ethiopian kid stands looking back at them, with baggage in hand. Their smiles turn into surprises. The postal truck takes off.
Cartman	What the hell?
Stan	Dude, that's not a digital sports watch.
Kyle	Hey, it looks like one of those Etheropians.
Stan	Oh man, they must have accidentally sent him instead of the sports watch.
Kyle	Maybe they took it literally when we said we wanted to adopt a kid.
	The Ethiopian 'speaks' and clicks something.
Kyle	Whoa! That was cool.
Stan	Yeah, how did he make those clicking sounds?
Kyle	What's your name dude?
	The Ethiopian Kid clicks something ending with,
Kid	Mabin.
Stan	I think he said his name is Marvin.
Cartman	Yeah, Starvin' Marvin.
	Kyle steps out with Stan and shakes Marvin's hand.
Kyle	Nice to meet you Starvin' Marvin.
Cartman	Hey mooom?
Liane	Yes hon?
Cartman	We found a Etheropian, can we keep him?
Liane	Sure, hon.
Cartman	Sweet.
	Cartman steps outside with Kenny.
Stan	Dude, let's bring him to school tomorrow.
Kyle	Come on Starvin' Marvin, I want you to meet my little brother.
Cartman	No no! He's my son! I adopted him.
Stan	It was my mom's credit card.
Kyle	Okay, okay, wewe'll switch off. Starvin' Marvin can stay here for a week, then at Stan's, then with me.
Cartman	Yeah, and never with Kenny, because his family is too poor.
Kyle	Totally.
	Kenny slugs Cartman.
Cartman	Ahh!
	Stark's Pond. A couple is walking near the pond. Romantic music is playing.
Woman	Look how the leaves fall so delicately on the surface of the pond. It's so beautiful.
Man	Not as beautiful as you.
Woman	[Swooning.] Ooooh.
	The couple embraces and kisses as a horde of turkeys storm the pond. The guy hears them and looks over her shoulder.
Man	Oh darling, look. Thanksgiving turkeys.
Woman	Oohh, they're so beautiful.
Man	Not as beautiful as you.
Woman	Look at the way they foam at the mouth, like beautiful suds of beer.
Man	Not as beautiful as-
	The turkeys attack the couple, stripping their clothes off. Screams are heard as the turkeys overwhelm the couple.
	King Jimmy's All You Can Eat Buffet. The price is right. The boys and their families are there with Marvin.
Stan	This is a great way for you to experience America Starvin' Marvin. This is what we call an 'all you can eat buffet.'
Cartman	Yeah. Here you get to eat all you want for only $6.99. That's why we all come here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family 'cause to them $6.99 is two-years income.
	The crowd laughs.
Cartman	Why is your family poor Starvin' Marvin? Is your dad an alcoholic too?
	A waiter places a plate of shrimp in front of Cartman.
Cartman	You see Starvin' Marvin, these are what we call appetizers.
Marvin	Ap-ee-tizer.
Cartman	This is what you eat before you eat, to make you more hungry.
	A waiter approaches with plates of ham, turkey, and drumsticks.
Cartman	Welp, food is here, that's it for the appetizers.
	He tosses the plate of shrimp into a trash can. The shrimp don't make it in. He, Liane, and Stan work on the drumsticks, Randy slices into the turkey, and Kyle is slicing some ham for himself (!). Marvin reaches for a pot-pie on Cartman's plate.
Cartman	No Starvin' Marvin, that's my pot-pie.
Stan	Cartman, you butt-pipe, this is the time of year you're supposed to share.
Cartman	Oh yeah, you're right.
	eyes a slice of pie sitting before Marvin.
	Are you gonna eat all of your peach cobbler? No, you don't want all that, why don't you share it with me, man? [Heading to a whisper.] Just slide that right on over here. Let me just have some of that here...
	Mr. Garrison's Classroom.
Mr. Garrison	Children, children! I'm a little disappointed in your Thanksgiving spirit. Only a few cans have been donated to our canned food drive.
	He reaches into the box of canned goods.
Mr. Garrison	And can't we do a little better than ... Creamed Corn ... uh ... Creamed Corn ... and ... Creamed Corn?
	The class stares back blankly.
Mr. Garrison	Please bring in more diverse food children or else Kenny's family is going to have a pretty corny Thanksgiving.
	Silence. Mr. Garrison begins laughing.
Mr. Garrison	Corny...Gravy...Corny Thanksgiving, hoo. Hahhaa. Anyway children, I understand a few of you have brought in something special for show-and-tell.
Stan	Yeah, yeah, we do!
Cartman	Yeah, that's right.
Kyle	We do!
Mr. Garrison	All right boys, show us what you've brought.
	The boys walk to the front of the class with Marvin.
Kyle	This is our new Ethernopian, Starvin' Marvin.
	Marvin looks inside the food box.
Stan	He can do really cool stuff with his voice. Show 'em Starvin' Marvin.
	Marvin pulls out a can of food.
	Cartman takes it away and puts it back.
Cartman	No, Starvin' Marvin, that's Kenny's creamed corn.
	Marvin takes it back out.
Cartman	No Starvin' Marvin, that's a bad Starvin' Marvin!
Mr. Garrison	Boys, what the hell are you doing?! This is horribly, horribly wrong. How did you get this child?
Stan	He was accidentally delivered to us instead of a sports watch.
Mr. Garrison	The sports watch from the commercial?
Kyle	Yeah, that one.
Bebe	I want a Starvin' Marvin.
Clyde	Me too.
Pip	Yes, I'll pay fifty dollars for one.
Class	Yeah, I want one too, yeah me, me.
Mr. Garrison	Boys, you're too young to take care of a child! I'm afraid I'm going to have to call the Red Cross and have him returned.
Kyle	Ah, I told you we shouldn't have brought him to school dude.
	Principal Victoria's Office.
Principal Victoria	Okay, thank you very much. Yes, you can pick him up tonight. Bye now.
	She hangs up the phone and addresses the boys.
Principal Victoria	Now boys, I hope you've learned your lesson.
Stan	No.
Principal Victoria	You can't care for this child!
Kyle	But I thought we were supposed to care on Thanksgiving.
Principal Victoria	Yes, but you don't actually get involved with the child's life. You're supposed to just send money, and once in a while they write you a letter. You see, Marvin didn't grow up in a normal place like South Park.
Stan	So why can't he live here now?
Principal Victoria	Because he can't!
Kyle	Because why?
Principal Victoria	Because eight-year olds can't be parents!
Kyle	Then you take care of him.
Principal Victoria	[on the spot] I can't, I, umm...I'm very busy.
	Silence.
Principal Victoria	I send my five dollars a month, see?
	Demonstrating her Teiko watch.
Stan	This sucks, Starvin' Marvin is our friend.
Cartman	Oh well, back to the poor country with you.
Kyle	You better watch what you say Cartman! You might be poor and hungry some day.
Cartman	B-huh, huh. Yeah, right.
	Genetic Engineering Ranch.
Mephesto	I knew that you were the only person who would listen to me Chef.
Chef	Yeah, well, let's get it over with. This place gives me the booboojeebees.
Mephesto	Look here in my microscope; tell me what you see.
Chef	Uhh, I seee...an extreme close up of ...Vanessa Redgrave's private parts.
Mephesto	Oh, whoops.
	He quickly switches slides.
Mephesto	Now tell me what you see.
Chef	Well, I'm no biologist, but I'd say it looks like turkey DNA.
Mephesto	Precisely, but look how rapidly it's dividing.
Chef	What does it mean?
Mephesto	Means the turkeys are growing at an exponential rate. If we don't destroy them all, they'll take over the town. Maybe the world.
Chef	Oh, fudge!
	Chef ponders for a moment.
Chef	Uhh, let me see that Vanessa Redgrave thing again.
Mephesto	Sure.
	He switches slides again.
	Cartman's house. Marvin is sitting alone on the couch watching TV. Secret service agents enter the house. Outside, a helicopter flies around with its searchlight on.
Agent 1	Hello there little boy, we're looking for a starving African child who was accidentally sent here instead of a Teiko sports watch.
	Marvin points towards Cartman's room. The agents go forth.
Cartman	Hey, hey, what's going on?!
	The agents have him in a duffle bag and are dragging him out of the house.
Cartman	Hey, let go of me! God-! Ey! I'll kick you in the nuts. D'you hear me?!
	Returning to Marvin.
Agent 1	Here's your sports watch son, sorry for the mix-up.
Cartman	Hey! Hey seriously! Hey, you're pissing me off, Starvin' Marvin!
	A truck door closes.
Marvin	Sweet.
	Outside the Library.
Mayor McDaniels	So how does this thing work?
Aide	Well mayor, it's based on the cash grab, but instead of money, the cans of food are blown around inside the capsule. The POV inside catches as many as he can to feed his family.
Mayor McDaniels	POVVVV?
Aide	Poverty stricken citizen.
Mayor McDaniels	Ohhoho, brilliant.
	A horde of turkeys rush the square and attack a fake turkey and a Pilgrim hat.
Mayor McDaniels	Daah!! What the hell is this!!
	The turkeys go through the crowd attacking people.
Aide	I don't know mayor, I don't think it's listed on the program.
	Mephesto joins them.
Mephesto	They're increasing in number mayor. These are the vicious turkeys I warned you about.
Chef	It's a, Ih-ihit's true mayor! Those turkeys just ripped apart my cafeteria!
	A platoon of turkeys march by.
Chef	Whooa! You won't get away with this, you bastards!
Kyle	Wow! Those are some pissed off turkeys!
	Mayor McDaniels, alarmed, steps up to the mic.
Mayor McDaniels	OKAY PEOPLE, DON'T PANIC! BRING OUT THE DEFENSE SQUAD!
	Jimbo and Ned enter, armed with rifles. They start firing away, and turkeys go down left and right.
Mephesto	We need more than that! They'll only come back in increased numbers!
	Cartman's House. Marvin is taking up Cartman's habits. On TV, Terrance and Phillip are reenacting the first Thanksgiving.
Terrance	Hey Phillip, could you pass the beans?
Phillip	Beans? Uh oh, looks like we'll be at war with these Indians soon.
	Terrance attempts to squeeze one off.
Terrance	Huh, eh,
	Phillip offers to help.
Terrance	wait wait wait.
	He tries some more.
Terrance	Eh, eh.
	And some more.
Terrance	Here it comes, ehhhh.
	A long squeeky fart bursts forth.
Terrance	Daaaah, I crapped in my pants!
Phillip	Aaaah.
	Laughter.
Phillip	I think you got some spatter on Chief Running Wolf.
	Laughter.
Terrance	I spattered his face!
	Laughter.
Phillip	Now he's a smelly Indian.
	Laughter.
TV Announcer	We'll be back to part 14 of the Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special, right after this.
Sally Struthers	Hunger is an enemy that we all must fight. These children desperately need your support.
	Cartman walking around in the background.
Cartman	Hey, somebody get me out of here! This sucks!
Sally Struthers	So please, call and adopt a child today.
Cartman	I'm seriously getting pissed off over here!!
Liane	You want some more Cheesy Poofs hon?
Marvin	Yeah, I want da Cheesy Poof.
Liane	Okay.
Marvin	Sweet.
	Ethiopian Desert. A vulture is flying overhead, awaiting its next meal to die.
Cartman	Eh, This is serious bullshit! There has to be a Happy Burger around here somewhere.
	He approaches a group of Ethiopians.
Cartman	Excuse me, I am a lost little boy, could you help me?
	They stare back blankly.
Cartman	Well, screw you too!
	Suddenly in a swarm of flies.
Cartman	What the?! Who the hell let all these flies in here?! Hasn't anybody ever heard of insect repellent?!
	He walks away.
	The Library. The B and second R have slipped a bit.
Mayor McDaniels	All right everyone, it's time to give out canned food to the poor, haa.
	The crowd cheers.
Stan	Hey, where's Cartman?
Kyle	I don't know. Do you know where he is, Marvin?
	Marvin shrugs.
Mayor McDaniels	Looks like we have the turkey problem under control. It's time to embrace the spirit of giving with the canned food grab.
	The crowd cheers.
Mayor McDaniels	Come on, hurry up.
	Kenny enters the "Grab-O-Lux"
Mrs. McCormick	Grab a lot son.
Mayor McDaniels	Have a happy Thanksgiving! Let 'er rip!
	Air is pumped in to raise the cans, but Kenny goes up as well and floats around. Status indicator flash on and off.
Mayor McDaniels	Cuhome on, grab those cans little boy!
Stan, Kyle	Come on, Kenny!
	Stuart waving his beer bottle.
Stuart McCormick	Come on, son!
Mayor McDaniels	Now, let's see all the goodies you're going to take home to your family.
	She switches off the Grab-o-lux with the remote control, and Kenny and the cans drop to the floor. He gets up and exits.
Mayor McDaniels	It...looks like he got a... a-a can of- string beans. Hehe.
	The crowd cheers, but the sound of turkeys fills the air.
Chef	What the-?!
Stan	Dude, the mutant turkeys are back!
	The turkeys charge over a hill.
Officer Barbrady	Okay people, move along, nothing to see here you looky-loos.
Mephesto	I tried to tell you, but you didn't listen.
	Chef comes up and addresses the crown.
Chef	Gather around everybody, and listen good. Go to your homes and arm your...
	Chef looks down at Mephesto's companion, Kevin. The turkeys continue their attack.
Chef	What the hell are you supposed to be anyway?
Mephesto	That's not important right now.
Chef	No! What the hell is this little thing supposed to be? It doesn't look like anything.
Mayor McDaniels	Chef, the turkeys!
Chef	Oh, All right. Listen up everybody, and listen good. Go to your homes and arm yourselves with whatever you can. We'll meet back here in fifteen minutes. Hurry!
	The turkeys continue their attack.
Chef	We are not going to let our Thanksgiving be ruined by a bunch of turkeys.
	Ethiopian Desert. Cartman walks slowly.
Cartman	Damn, you guys, seriously, I'm hungry. I have to eat.
	He sees a Red Cross van is in the distance. Ethiopians gather round it.
Cartman	Ah, sweet! The Red Cross!
	He approaches the van.
Cartman	I'll have fried chicken and a side of mashed potatoes please.
Red Cross Dude	Sorry kid, but we're out of food. We ran out of funding.
	The female partner is putting some things away.
Cartman	What?!
Red Cross Dude	We just couldn't get enough sponsors back home, so now we've got to pack it up.
Cartman	But I'm not a starving Etheropian! I have to get back home too!
	Now behind the van ready to leave.
Red Cross Dude	Sorry dude, we just don't have any funds. Here, have a Teiko sports watch.
	He tosses Cartman a watch and hops into the van. The van drives off.
Cartman	WEEEEEEAK!!!
	In the woods near South Park. The screen is reduced to a wide screen format, so you know a movie reference is coming. The town is assembled for battle as the Mayor speaks.
Mayor McDaniels	People, we all have to do our part against the evil turkeys.
Townsperson 1	There's too many of them.
Mayor McDaniels	Come on! Where is that Thanksgiving spirit?!
Townsperson 2	We can't stop them.
	Chef rides up on a brown steed. His face is painted blue and white. He is wearing Scottish garb, wielding a sword and shield à la Braveheart.
Chef	Today, you fight for your city! You fight for your honor! These turkeys will continue to push until they have taken everything from us! These fudged up turkeys from the the crustaceous era can take our lives, but they can never take...our FREEDOM!!!
	Now pumped for battle.
Crowd	Wooo, yeahhh, woo.
	On a nearby hill the pack of turkeys is gathered together. One turkey is also painted in blue and white.
Leader Turkey	Gobble, gobble. Gobble gobble. Gob, gobble. Gob, gob, gob, Gobble!!
	The other turkeys gobble like mad, then sally forth. The town residents stand ready for battle as the turkeys descend into the valley.
Kyle	Here you go turkeys!
	Kyle moons the turkey forces.
	The town force descends, the mayor and an aide stay behind.
Mayor McDaniels	Does my hair look okay?
	Ethiopian Desert. The vulture still circles...
Cartman	Can't go on... need... appetizer... eh...
	He looks up to the sky for relief.
Cartman	I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry I mocked poor people. I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive. Please, Please God, uhh.
	He falls forward to the ground. After a few seconds he lifts his head.
Cartman	Heh, my god has forsaken me. Eh, err.
	He sees something. A lone building stands in the distance. Cartman approaches. A sign reads, "No Admittance".
Cartman	Huh, I wonder what's in here?
	Cartman opens the door and faces towers of Cheesy Poofs, Snacky Cakes, Boogie Bars and Veal Roll-Ups. "Alleluyah" is playing. Cartman stands in awe, then is overjoyed.
Cartman	SNACKY CAKES!! MMMM!
	He rubs up against them lovingly. He sees a large-screen TV and a potted plant, and walks towards them. He then looks to his right and sees Sally Struthers feasting on some cake and two Ethiopians fanning her with palm fronds. She sees him and stops eating. Cartman is mad.
Cartman	Sally Struthers?!
Sally Struthers	Who the hell are you?!
Cartman	Gimme that cake!
Sally Struthers	Nooho, this is my cake!
Cartman	No Sally Struthers, you gimme that cake!
Sally Struthers	NOO! You can't have any!
Cartman	No Sally Struthers, that's my cake eh-ehhhh!
	After some more whining he opens the door and sees some Ethiopians passing by.
Cartman	You guys, Sally Struthers is holding food from us!!!
	They turn to look at him.
Sally Struthers	Uh oh.
	She just can't eat that cake fast enough.
	South Park Forest. The battle continues. The turkeys fight valiently, but many are falling. Ike beheads a turkey. Marvin looks on and scratches his head.
Chef	Stay close children.
	His shield blocks one turkey as he slays another.
Stan, Kyle, Kenny	Yeaaa!
	Turkey's rush Kenny.
Kenny	(O-Oh.)
	One turkey manages to extract Kenny's eyeball as the others kill him outright. They speed away with pieces of him.
Stan	Oh my god, they've killed Kenny!
Kyle	You bastards!
Jimbo	The last three are getting away, shoot 'em Ned.
	Ned picks off the remaining three birds.
Stan	We did it!!
	As the town celebrates, some townsfolk are still beating on the birds, one of them with a large mallet.
Mephesto	My God, what have we done?
Chef	We've saved Thanksgiving!
Mephesto	But all those poor turkeys, theh- they're all dead.
Chef	Every turkey dies, not every turkey truly lives.
Mephesto	As horrible as they were theh- they felt like a part of me. Perhaps I shouldn't be toying with God's creations, perhaps I should-
Chef	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Two secret service agents approach Chef and Barbrady, ignoring the carnage.
Agent 2	Excuse me sir, we're looking for a little starving Ethiopian boy who was accidentally delivered to South Park instead of a Teiko sports watch.
	Showing a picture of Marvin.
Agent 1	Have you seen anyone fitting this description.
Officer Barbrady	Oh, that could be a hundred kids in this town mister.
	Marvin approaches the two agents.
Agent 1	There you are. Are you ready to go home now?
	Marvin looks at Mr. Garrison, then at Chef, then at Officer Barbrady. He quickly shakes an affirmative. The agents lead him away, but he turns back to get some turkeys. Stan and Kyle look on as Kenny's corpse lies motionless behind them.
Stan	Wow, it sucks he has to leave.
Kyle	Yeah, I like him a lot more than Cartman.
Stan	You know, I think I've learned something today. It's really easy not to think of images on TV as real people.
	Kenny's head moves.
Stan	But they are. That's why it's easy to ignore those commercials, but, people on TV are just as real as you or I.
Kyle	Yeah.
	A rat moves in and out of Kenny's empty eye socket, then scurries away.
Kyle	And that means that McGyver is a real person too.
	Ethiopian Desert. Three Red Cross workers are present.
Red Cross Chick	We're terribly sorry about the mix-up little boy. We'll get you back home immediately.
Cartman	That's right you will, God-Damnit.
	A male agent checks his watch.
Cartman	Move it POVs, I'm an American!
	A plane lands. Marvin exits the plane.
Ethiopian	A baba, gluck gluck bababab ga.
Marvin	Baba gook gook ba.
	The cargo door lowers in back of the plane and a bunch of dead turkeys fall out. The Ethiopians grab the turkeys and raise Marvin on their shoulders in triumph. They march away, passing by a spit on which Sally Struthers has been tied, with an apple in her mouth.
Sally Struthers	(What are you doing? Let me off of here!)
	Kenny's House.
Stuart	Lord, on this day of thanks, we would like to extend our deepest gratitude for this incredible bounty of green beans you have bestowed upon us. And though for some reason you found it necessary to take our son from us, and though you for some reason find pleasure in watching us suffer, still, we give thanks. Amen.
Mrs. McCormick	Amen.
	She takes a brief look around.
Mrs. McCormick	Does anybody have a can opener?
Stuart	God Damn-it.
非洲来客 结束